A new friendship... benefits, no benefits, or hold out for more?

[Darkiya]

I've been talking with this guy for almost a month now and we have a lot in common. We like the same kinds of stuff and everything seemed really great. I liked him a lot which is weird for me because as a realist I typically have very rational thoughts.... and don't let my emotions get mixed up in my actions.

 

Anyway, last Saturday he asked if I wanted to come over and hang out.. watch movies and I said sure. We ended up only watching cartoons a little and talking for hours on end. When we were lounging on his bed and hit a empty spot of a conversation he kissed me... and well we fooled around for awhile. It was fun at the very least but perhaps not the wisest thing to do.

 

I got confused not certain of what our relationship was as I liked him a lot. He is a very sweet, kind, considerate guy... though rather shy. After talking he wasn't quite so shy and we were really comfortable in each other's company.

 

I confronted him a few days later and asked him. I expressed how I felt and stated I understood if the feelings were not mutual. I asked what he wanted and he said he didn't really know. He's still rather shy but has been lonely lately since its been awhile since he was last with a girl.

 

Should I keep our relationship a plutonic friends one? Or friends with benefits because... well it's fun? Do you think he may one day want a romantic relationship with me or am I just being a silly girl in this case?

 

I'm worried about being hurt.... I haven't had any romantic relationships in about three years and mostly because I'm so extremely picky about the guys I'm attracted to and so far he seems to meet up to every single one of my qualifications on the boyfriend department. How well can I trust myself not to pour my heart into an dead-end?

 

I trust him, he's very up front when I ask him about things. He leaves no dellusions about how he doesn't really know what he wants but doesn't think he wants a girlfriend right now.

 

I guess I just need to wait and see.

[Tiger-Lily]

Friends with benefits can be fun and it can also hurt you. Keep in mind that you are not dating (you are not a potential girlfriend), you are setting up yourself to being used.

 

It is either you are 'just friends', or in a 'committed relationship'. The in between bit, leaves too much room for misinterpretation. How would you feel if he fools around with someone else because you are not boyfriend and girlfriend? You do not have a say as to what he does or who he does it with.

 

Be smart, he does not want a girlfriend right now!

[clynn]

Where did you get the idea that he isn't itnerested?

 

How about dating?

[Magus]

Now that he's tasted the "goodies" he'll probably want more. You should hold out till you get what you want. He'll probably use the ole' "tease" line. Tryin to get you to put out. Be strong "girlfriend", if what you want REALLY means anything, you MUST hold out.

It ain't called "the dumb stick" for nothing. It makes guys do "dumb" things, things they wouldn't do otherwise.

 

 

 

 

 

clynn, it's interested.

[Darkiya]

The reason I know he isn't interested in a relationship is because I asked. I'm a firm believer in communication which is why I did so... though sometimes it really puts people on the spot

 

He wants me to come over this Friday and I said sure. I'm not sure if I'll let anything happen or not it's been awhile since I was last touched by anyone (with the exception of this guy once before) so you could say I'm hooked too.

 

The funny thing is my last "relationship" was more a friends with benefits thing and he was the one who wanted more... now I know how it feels once the tables have been turned.

 

I think I'm going to submit and just play it by ear. I'm not going to put any heart into it nor expect any romantic gain unless he makes the first move. I'll continue to let my eye wander and not commit myself to him because that would be just stupid if he's not willing to do the same.

 

I kinda understand where he's coming from being that he's still in college (and I graduated recently) he's probably still wanting to keep his options open. He also wants to move after he graduates so that would be another reason not to get attached to anyone. So, friends first and the rest will just have to play itself out.

 

If I get hurt... I'll get up and start over again but I think if I denied myself even the enjoyment of his company I might wonder about it anyway.

 

Thanks everyone for your advice.

[clynn]

Wow.

 

You've got a good head on your shoulders.

 

Sounds like you're sorted out.

 

Keep us posted!