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I kinda sorta felt molested by her


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Well, um, she's a coworker & um, yea, its been happening every time we get together on a private project. Its happened 3 times so I know its not some weird accident or whatever. Um...it started happening after I confessed my feelings to her & she didn't reply then we got on some group projects & we started having lunch together & talking about the projects & then when we eat she would rub her leg against mine & say sorry after my face showed a little confusion :eek: I didn't mind the contact & stuff u know but then she started hugging me a lot & turning the hugs into feels I guess. I still didn't mind but then just yesterday she started feeling my penis over my pants & I pulled away & she apologized for it & kept asking me privately if I'm okay & I said yea & now I feel shy around her even though I really do like her a lot. Not sure what to do or if she feels the same way about me u know 'cause she has a boyfriend at home but she tells me he's leaving back overseas after x-mas. I kinda feel its my fault for telling her I like her so so much :o.

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If it makes you uncomfortable, tell her that. You don't need to lie and say it's fine if it's not. She doesn't have the right to touch you in any way that is not acceptable for you.

 

Then stay away from her. She's not single and she's leaving soon. Don't have any physical contact with her either. No leg rubs or hugs. If she crossed your boundary, you need to be very clear about it.

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Dude.... this coworker of yours is crossing the line.

 

She's basically sexually harassing you! Yes, it can happen to men as well. I don't care if it was at work or during lunch at a restaurant, her behavior is highly inappropriate...and doubly so if she has a bf at home who's supposedly leaving for overseas :rolleyes:

 

Take her behavior as a RED flag. Imo she's basically just using you. She found out you have the hots for her, she doesn't respond verbally about your confession, but yet she's coping a feel anytime she gets some alone time with you??

 

:eek:

 

Wow... Not only that, but look at how she treats her own boyfriend! IF you and she EVER got together, she could be doing the same thing with you! (ie. being your gf yet still flirting or stroking other guys at work smh...)

 

 

Seriously....this girl is bad news. :( There are SO many red flags here.

 

I say tell her that you don't feel comfortable with her behavior especially since you two are co-workers, and move on. She seems like a tease.

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travelbug1996

You knew she had a boyfriend at home and confessed your feeling for her?? Really? But you feel molested. I hope this is not a real story. Where do you take any blame here?

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travelbug1996

You knew she had a boyfriend at home and confessed your feeling for her?? Really? But you feel molested. I hope this is not a real story. Where do you take any blame here?

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You knew she had a boyfriend at home and confessed your feeling for her?? Really? But you feel molested. I hope this is not a real story. Where do you take any blame here?

 

Two separate issues. Just because he confessed his feelings for her, doesn't mean she has the right to touch him inappropriately. His general "clumsy" approach to women aside, what exactly is he responsible for in her groping him?

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Dude.... this coworker of yours is crossing the line.

 

She's basically sexually harassing you! Yes, it can happen to men as well. I don't care if it was at work or during lunch at a restaurant, her behavior is highly inappropriate...and doubly so if she has a bf at home who's supposedly leaving for overseas :rolleyes:

 

Take her behavior as a RED flag. Imo she's basically just using you. She found out you have the hots for her, she doesn't respond verbally about your confession, but yet she's coping a feel anytime she gets some alone time with you??

 

:eek:

 

Wow... Not only that, but look at how she treats her own boyfriend! IF you and she EVER got together, she could be doing the same thing with you! (ie. being your gf yet still flirting or stroking other guys at work smh...)

 

 

Seriously....this girl is bad news. :( There are SO many red flags here.

 

I say tell her that you don't feel comfortable with her behavior especially since you two are co-workers, and move on. She seems like a tease.

 

Um...yea, I tried talking to her yesterday since the mgr switched up groups because we weren't completing the tasks on time or w/e & um...she tried to act like she didn't even know what I was talking about u know. I'm away from her right now & then one of my coworkers told me she's no good & uh how she flirted with him & touched him a few times but wouldn't let him go touch her back & then rejected him when he asked her out :confused:. I guess he's right & u guys are also right about her. It just seems like girls are so so sneaky these days 'cause I keep getting taken advantage of.

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I think the most shocking thing about this...is the double standards here! Can you imagine if this was the other round and some dodgy bloke who had a gf ran his hand up his co-worker and felt her vagina...what you all be saying then??

 

I'm sick of all these double standards....

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I worked with a girl that was married that would do stuff like that to me at work (except for the penis part). Additionally, she would always touch my ass. The biggest difference though is that I was not interested in this girl. If I was interested, I would have welcomed it I think :p, so I can't say I totally relate. I may have been more tolerant because I knew her situation. Her husband was the gangbanger/thug type and I know he treated her like crap.

 

Don't know what to say. I don't mean to sound insensitive but I am sort of surprised how you, as a guy, could feel offended if a woman you liked did that stuff to you.

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instead of sorta, validate that you were by definition molested. Then gain a voice and report this incident. Otherwise you can sorta be accepting her behavior since you are doing nothing to stop it. silence breeds consent.

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This is interesting because about 5 years ago I had a really similar situation. I was 24 at the time, had just gotten my first real job after undergrad.

 

I was fresh out of a relationship and over the next month would have this strange interaction with a female co-worker who was my age. It is so similar to your situation. It started that we had lunch together, she would make it a point to touch me in an innocent way. She was attractive and I just went with it. It accelerated into sexual advances on her end and inappropriate touching, especially if we were alone in a room together. It was messing me up because I was trying to date at the time but then has these passive aggressive sexual encounters with an attractive co worker. She was always initiating them but in a working setting this can backfire.

 

So finally after this going on for a month, I finally confronted her about this outside of work. We met out for a drink and I basically told her how I felt. Are you interested in me? Do you want to go out on a date? If yes, let's see where it goes. But if no, then this has to stop?

 

My advice is to nicely call her on this. And really don't be shy about this. You can be nice, but you need to know because if there isn't mutual intimate interest with each other, than its not healthy for this to be going on.

 

We ended up dating for a few months after this conversation, it didn't work but we mutually respected each other over this. Really I got lucky and we were still nice and friendly with each other at work.

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To me it sounds like you confessed your feelings, and she reminded you she was married and rejected you in a manner of speaking and now she's changed her mind and is showing you that she wouldn't mind getting physical, but now you're running scared. If you have changed your mind about wanting to get romantic with her, just tell her.

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Well, um, she's a coworker & um, yea, its been happening every time we get together on a private project. Its happened 3 times so I know its not some weird accident or whatever. Um...it started happening after I confessed my feelings to her & she didn't reply then we got on some group projects & we started having lunch together & talking about the projects & then when we eat she would rub her leg against mine & say sorry after my face showed a little confusion :eek: I didn't mind the contact & stuff u know but then she started hugging me a lot & turning the hugs into feels I guess. I still didn't mind but then just yesterday she started feeling my penis over my pants & I pulled away & she apologized for it & kept asking me privately if I'm okay & I said yea & now I feel shy around her even though I really do like her a lot. Not sure what to do or if she feels the same way about me u know 'cause she has a boyfriend at home but she tells me he's leaving back overseas after x-mas. I kinda feel its my fault for telling her I like her so so much :o.

 

 

She seems to be telling you she is a freak, or ready to be freaky with you, and you don't have the huevos to step up because you put her on a pedestal. When some girls really like you, this is what they do, at work, at school, anywhere.

 

 

It didn't bother you before to confess when you knew she was involved already, then she showed some physical initiative and you feel "molested"? What kind of post-post-modern stuff is this?? I mean, you like her a lot, so what do you want her to do, send you a Hallmark? Bring her guitar to your window and play some ballads? She might just be sexually forward. If you can handle that:

 

 

Hit it, don't babysit it.

Edited by fiskadoro
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  • 4 weeks later...
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She seems to be telling you she is a freak, or ready to be freaky with you, and you don't have the huevos to step up because you put her on a pedestal. When some girls really like you, this is what they do, at work, at school, anywhere.

 

 

It didn't bother you before to confess when you knew she was involved already, then she showed some physical initiative and you feel "molested"? What kind of post-post-modern stuff is this?? I mean, you like her a lot, so what do you want her to do, send you a Hallmark? Bring her guitar to your window and play some ballads? She might just be sexually forward. If you can handle that:

 

 

Hit it, don't babysit it.

 

Um yea I guess I shouldn't had said I was feeling kinda molested 'cause its not bothering me so much it was just kinda weird 'cause it happened out of the blue I guess u know. Well anyways the update is that she still touches me & stuff but not on my private spots & I got some courage back & started touching her back & waist & hair a lot & she doesn't mind. Um..every day we kiss on the side of the mouth at work but nothing more & she wants me to buy her some perfume for x-mas & when I asked about the bf at home if he is coming up to see her she just says forget him & starts touching my arms softly & more kisses close to my mouth. I guess she feels lonely with him not at home huh? I guess we're sorta dating at work or w/e I don't know :o. Some people keep clearing their throats around us so I think they sense something & there's another guy trying to hit on her so its a weird workplace. Are these things even common in other jobs?

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You don't **** where u eat. Stop doing these things with co workers.

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Well, um, she's a coworker & um, yea, its been happening every time we get together on a private project. Its happened 3 times so I know its not some weird accident or whatever. Um...it started happening after I confessed my feelings to her & she didn't reply then we got on some group projects & we started having lunch together & talking about the projects & then when we eat she would rub her leg against mine & say sorry after my face showed a little confusion :eek: I didn't mind the contact & stuff u know but then she started hugging me a lot & turning the hugs into feels I guess. I still didn't mind but then just yesterday she started feeling my penis over my pants & I pulled away & she apologized for it & kept asking me privately if I'm okay & I said yea & now I feel shy around her even though I really do like her a lot. Not sure what to do or if she feels the same way about me u know 'cause she has a boyfriend at home but she tells me he's leaving back overseas after x-mas. I kinda feel its my fault for telling her I like her so so much :o.

 

 

Bingo! It IS your fault. You told her you had feelings, and now you're acting like she's Pepe Le Pew and you're the kitty. WTF? Don't be feeling molested. You started this. If you now realize you bit off more than you can chew and that she is too much for you, by all means confess that to her and say something like, You know, I'm glad we're getting to know each other, but I don't think I'm ready for a fling.

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GunslingerRoland

You told her you like her, she touched your genitals. Isn't that kind of the goal? For the people we like to be the people who touch our genitals.

 

 

Molesting is when the people we don't like touch our genitals.

 

 

I'm not saying she isn't trouble, and I'm not saying you should proceed with this. But it is what you asked for.

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Michelle ma Belle
Um yea I guess I shouldn't had said I was feeling kinda molested 'cause its not bothering me so much it was just kinda weird 'cause it happened out of the blue I guess u know. Well anyways the update is that she still touches me & stuff but not on my private spots & I got some courage back & started touching her back & waist & hair a lot & she doesn't mind. Um..every day we kiss on the side of the mouth at work but nothing more & she wants me to buy her some perfume for x-mas & when I asked about the bf at home if he is coming up to see her she just says forget him & starts touching my arms softly & more kisses close to my mouth. I guess she feels lonely with him not at home huh? I guess we're sorta dating at work or w/e I don't know :o. Some people keep clearing their throats around us so I think they sense something & there's another guy trying to hit on her so its a weird workplace. Are these things even common in other jobs?

 

I'm sorry but this actually pisses me off.

 

I resent your choice to use the word "molested" in this thread just like I hate when women throw around the word "rape". Those are VERY serious allegations and the fact that you're using it so nonchalantly makes me question your level of maturity.

 

It's clear reading your responses on here that this is something you actually WANT. You're encouraging her behavior so to sit there and cry sexual harassment is disgusting.

 

And no, this is isn't common at most workplaces.

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