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Why was my male friend acting strange?


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 8th September 2015, 10:41 PM   #1
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Why was my male friend acting strange?

I have known this guy for almost 10 years. For the first year + of knowing him I interacted with him regularly, then the next couple years it was sporadic, and then i moved away, so I only see him once or twice a year when I visit. I never felt close to him, and i USED to have a crush on him, back when I saw him regularly. Now that I have moved and barely see him, it's gone away, and now, although I don't feel particularly close to him the thought of him in THAT way is unappealing! I just think of him as a friend now and I'd be weirded out about it if we hooked up or something. But back then, I liked him and he definitely was NOT interested in me. I mean he even sort of stood me up / blew me off one time. The only reason I even still see him is because of our group of friends.

The last couple times I saw him, he has acted more interested in ever in what I am doing and my life. this time, he kept wanting to hug me, and kept telling me how he's a gentleman and was trying to do all these gestures. But then at the same time he admitted that he likes to hit on bartenders, and I he goes on tinder to try to get laid. (I like the honesty, but I am just mentioning this because he was also trying to be a gentleman apparently). He also is a smoker, and he was not expecting me to arrive when I did (to meet up with the rest of them) and he kept saying how he didn't want me to see him smoking. I said, well i knew he was a smoker, and he was saying I am against smoking so he didn't want to smoke in front of me. never said anything like that in the past. it also came out that apparently the last time he hung out with the group was the last time i was in town. He lives there all the time. he was just generally flirtatious and whatnot. I am honestly sort of shy around him because I just don't know how to talk to him. we were never really close as I said. I am really closer with the other people in the group.

Going along with what I said before, I am not saying I want something to happen here, though i think my ego would be thrilled if he now was interested in me, but after almost 10 years? is that even possible? what is going on with him? was he trying to butter me up so he could try to get laid (just like with those bartenders? lol). One time in the past, i recall we were going out drinking and he and i were waiting by the bar and he said something about how he gets depressed sometimes. It was very random and he was extremely drunk when he said it, but that was years ago. I just remember it clearly because he and i weren't that close, and I was infatuated with him at the time. And right around the time he blew me off (which was actually what caused me to get over my crush immediately) before that, he would flirt in the way where he'd touch my leg, etc.

Anyways, not that it's going to change anything I am doing right now in life, or with him, I am just curious what you all think is happening with this friend? Why is he acting this way? to be 100% honest, I am extremely surprised that of all the people within this group of people HE is consistently around whenever i return for a visit. 7 years ago i would never ever have guessed that. he was such a flake. now I always see him (in the group) when I visit.... it's just funny how things change
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Old 12th September 2015, 1:52 PM   #2
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Sounds like he's growing up and does like you romantically, IMO. What do you want to do with him?
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Old 12th September 2015, 3:02 PM   #3
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He's probably not got as much going for him socially as he did 10 years ago when he didn't like you back. Also, he can feel your interest has waned and that often makes guys try to get it back if they're competitive. Despite some of the signals he likes you, I don't hear you saying he's asked you on a real date. Of course, he could be just trying to get laid. It was probably easier for him then than now. I wouldn't respond to him unless he asked me out on a real date and really made the gesture he wanted to date me.
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Old 12th September 2015, 8:57 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by preraph View Post
He's probably not got as much going for him socially as he did 10 years ago when he didn't like you back. Also, he can feel your interest has waned and that often makes guys try to get it back if they're competitive. Despite some of the signals he likes you, I don't hear you saying he's asked you on a real date. Of course, he could be just trying to get laid. It was probably easier for him then than now. I wouldn't respond to him unless he asked me out on a real date and really made the gesture he wanted to date me.
Thanks for the responses
Yeah i was just wondering what's up with him lately, and what you said makes sense. i wasn't planning to "do" anything, lol. :-) I just find it interesting. it makes me feel good in a way

Last edited by HansonGirl; 12th September 2015 at 9:07 PM..
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Old 13th September 2015, 1:56 PM   #5
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Yeah preraph has good points. If it makes you feel good, be more flirty and explore it. I would agree--let him ask YOU out. You can take him right to that edge though so he feels comfortable doing it.
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Old 13th September 2015, 2:20 PM   #6
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On a real date. Don't go along with coming over to watch a movie or play games. A real date where he asks you, picks you up, and pays. Or he's not serious.
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Old 13th September 2015, 10:32 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by preraph View Post
On a real date. Don't go along with coming over to watch a movie or play games. A real date where he asks you, picks you up, and pays. Or he's not serious.
oh yes, i agree! if i lived there still, i DEFINITELY would not settle for less :-P
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Old 13th September 2015, 11:23 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Zagan View Post
You wrote an essay asking about him but you don't care and have no interest in him? Pull the other one it's got bells on :P
huh?? i never said i wasn't interested. i said i live far away... i moved away, and was only there for a visit....
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