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nervous about attending upcoming wedding with ex


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My long-distance ex and I share a mutual couple friend, who’s wedding we will both be attending in his home country in a few weeks. We broke up two years ago and have remained ‘friends’ since. I have managed this friendship although I know deep down I still and probably always will continue to hold a bit of a flame for him. I’ve dated people on and off since and he has been in a short term relationship over the last 9 months but recently broke it off.

 

Neither of us are seeing anyone currently and I’m actually really nervous about the trip. I haven’t talked to him about it lately. He and I have seen each other once in person in the last two years when he came to visit me for a short period early last year and we just fell right back into couple mode (even though we were no longer together). I can act platonically with him over long distance but in person, I haven’t yet successfully been around him on a ‘strictly friends’ basis.

 

Hooking up last year was a mistake that did set me back in my healing (he’s not aware of this) and I don’t want that to happen again. I know at the end of the day we aren’t getting back together and I want to get through this as smoothly as possible without caving. I want to be strong.

 

Does anyone have any tips on how I can get through this trip without feeling so nervous about it? Ignoring him isn’t an option with the type of friendship we have as we have kept up the communication and he will know something is up if I'm not friendly towards him.

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My long-distance ex and I share a mutual couple friend, who’s wedding we will both be attending in his home country in a few weeks. We broke up two years ago and have remained ‘friends’ since. I have managed this friendship although I know deep down I still and probably always will continue to hold a bit of a flame for him. I’ve dated people on and off since and he has been in a short term relationship over the last 9 months but recently broke it off.

 

Neither of us are seeing anyone currently and I’m actually really nervous about the trip. I haven’t talked to him about it lately. He and I have seen each other once in person in the last two years when he came to visit me for a short period early last year and we just fell right back into couple mode (even though we were no longer together). I can act platonically with him over long distance but in person, I haven’t yet successfully been around him on a ‘strictly friends’ basis.

 

Hooking up last year was a mistake that did set me back in my healing (he’s not aware of this) and I don’t want that to happen again. I know at the end of the day we aren’t getting back together and I want to get through this as smoothly as possible without caving. I want to be strong.

 

Does anyone have any tips on how I can get through this trip without feeling so nervous about it? Ignoring him isn’t an option with the type of friendship we have as we have kept up the communication and he will know something is up if I'm not friendly towards him.

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"The person who 'cares' the least, controls the most."

 

Fake nonchalance.

Fake it, until you make it.

 

Convince yourself you've moved on, act entirely as if you have, and bit by bit, it will all come true.

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haribogumsnickers

Toots, keep calm and get it on...but not with your ex. Enjoy yourself enjoying the trip and immerse your thoughts on celebrating your friend finding their soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another. Be the wonderfulsome self that you effortlessly are and that nervousness you once felt will be nonexistent. You're there for yourself for your friend and your ex is still your ex but now a friend nothing more nothing less. Stop any advances he or you may make for the sake of your healing process. And for the love of the Loveshack god, have a fantastical time! Take plenty of selfies and remember to post here while intoxicated.

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Don't drink too much. Make sure the B&G are seating you at different tables. Do not dance with your EX. Keep chatter / conversations to a bear minimum, < 5 minutes before you excuse yourself to the ladies' room or to refresh your drink. It's OK to say you are refreshing your drink even if the one in your hands is full. Drink a lot of water.

 

 

Set a bed time for yourself. At the appointed hour, preferably early, leave & go back to your hotel.

 

 

Flirt with any / every single man in the reception.

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Biggest thing I can recommend is just don't be alone with him. Group and/or public settings are much easier to "fake it til you make it" in -- if you're alone together, though, it's going to get awkward fast.

 

In line with that, I'd highly recommend having plans for after the wedding/reception, and for the rest of the time that you and he will be in the same city. If you don't know anyone else other than your mutual friend, you could always drink red wine, get a headache, and blame it on the tannins. Gives you an excuse for leaving early.

 

Also, be sure to have some reason why you can't stay with him if he offers to let you crash at his place -- that you really want to see the other friend you're staying with, or the hotel is non-refundable.

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