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How should I act around my coworker now?


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I started a job a few months ago and found one of my coworkers interesting. I actually thought he was interested. He would be kinda to me, pay extra attention to me, and did me favors. I don't work directly with him on any projects, but our offices are in extremely close proximity where it's pretty much assumed we will run into each other daily. Whenever i speak to him one-on-one at work he stumbles over his words (i'm not exaggering) and softens his voice and seems extremely nervous. But when it's the group of our coworkers, he is outgoing and loud and obnoxious. A few of us were going down to a conference and he offered to drive me because we both have family in a nearby city and he was going to take a side trip there. He brought up the idea a few times in person. It would've been 10 hours together in the car. turns out i didn't need the ride, but I sort of wanted to take him up on the offer because i wanted to get to know him better and 10 hours is a lot of time to get to know someone. But the opportunity came and went. I have caught him sneaking glances my way and he has told the waitress specifications to my order at restaurants without me telling him to (not kidding).

The group of us do things together a lot socially outside of work, and I see him often in those contexts.

I am a pretty shy person. He hasn't tried to ask me out though. I just don't know. I embarrassingly have texted him, and i cringe about it, because i HATE doing that! I even messaged him on an online dating website because he KEEPS popping up on my matches. We live in a small city so it's not that surprising. but I thought it'd be a good excuse... and I'm so embarrassed about that. But he looked at my profile. read the message a few times (there are read receipts) and finally gave me a short response over 24 hours later.

 

so what should I do?!?! Did I embarrass myself? should I just act nice to him still and make nothing of it? or is that totally cringe worthy that I did that?

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Since you have only been working there a couple of months I would not get involved with anyone this soon. You don't want to start gossip about you. You have already shown him that you are interested and I think you should wait for him to make the next move towards a date.

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Since you have only been working there a couple of months I would not get involved with anyone this soon. You don't want to start gossip about you. You have already shown him that you are interested and I think you should wait for him to make the next move towards a date.

 

ok. I can live with that. but have i crossed the line into embarrassing myself territory? and what should I do regarding it? continue to act non-chalant and friendly? because today i was feeling like maybe I should avoid him forever!

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he didn't ask you out after you messaged him so don't do it anymore, but just assume he just thought you saw him and were letting him know you saw him. He doesn't have to think you're interested.

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he didn't ask you out after you messaged him so don't do it anymore, but just assume he just thought you saw him and were letting him know you saw him. He doesn't have to think you're interested.

 

 

Ok thanks - do I WANT him to think i'm interested? or do i want him to NOT think i'm interested?

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Act neutral. Go about your work and ignore him until he makes an effort to date you. If not, forget it and continue doing your job.

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Don't initiate texts with him. He knows you exist and if he really is interested in you (meaning not a hook up but something serious long term) then he'll let you know.

 

Meanwhile be friendly like usual even if you think you did something silly before. Stop thinking about him.

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imtooconfused

I think the exchange on the OLD site is telling. You reached out to him from that site which shows that you are interested. But he gave a delayed lukewarm response, which means you may not have captured his attention.

 

I don't think you embarrassed yourself. But at the same time, the ball is in his court now. If he continues to approach you, use your charm to escalate his interest, otherwise play it as cool and collected as you can.

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My take is this, never over analyze genuine charm and outgoing behavior with someone automatically having the hots for you. Some folks are naturally people persons and show genuine attentiveness without it being anything other then that. In my town we call that being a gent. Until that person asks you out officially keep it business banter. ITs nice to have good people in a work place. Enjoy it!

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Ok thanks - do I WANT him to think i'm interested? or do i want him to NOT think i'm interested?

 

Under the circumstances, you tagged him on a dating site and he didn't ask you out. He doesn't sound shy in general because as you said he's sometimes loud and obnoxious. So I think you should just act polite and professional from here on out. I mean, tagging him on the dating site, if he wanted an excuse to ask you out, he had one. So unless he does, just polite and professional.

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Under the circumstances, you tagged him on a dating site and he didn't ask you out. He doesn't sound shy in general because as you said he's sometimes loud and obnoxious. So I think you should just act polite and professional from here on out. I mean, tagging him on the dating site, if he wanted an excuse to ask you out, he had one. So unless he does, just polite and professional.

 

 

Thanks guys. you are right. I am just going to stop thinking about him and go about my business. :o

since it happened, it has been cool.

 

and i agree that if he's interested he'd have asked me out. (unless he's not into dating coworkers), but even that said, I still wonder why does he seem so shy when i talk to him? I'm serious. Like not to stay on the subject, or analyze, why do you think he is obnoxious and loud with the group but not me!

also i have to say i guess if me tagging him on the website was indicative, then i'm proud of myself for showing interest. now i'm moving along!

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I think the exchange on the OLD site is telling. You reached out to him from that site which shows that you are interested. But he gave a delayed lukewarm response, which means you may not have captured his attention.

 

Ok, i agree that the delayed response was indicative of a lack of interest - but the other thing about it was that he READ the message. Then he read it again. Then, he responded 24 hours later. I mean. I understand what you are saying about not capturing someone's attention. I totally get that, and I agree in a sense, but the thing that threw me about that the fact that he sat on it for THAT long seemed like it was the opposite. that it was thoughtful consideration about how to respond, if at all. I mean ultimately it was not a very in depth response, but to me it was like something he could've spat out right upon receiving my message. He did not have to sit on it for that long and think about it. If it were me, and I wasn't interested, but still friendly like I am, I would have sent a response right when i read it. maybe even said something like, Haha! you found me! see ya at work on monday!

 

you know what I mean? I mean it was like spending a great deal of time and consideration to send a short response that wasn't even considerate at all.

 

So anyways, I agree with you guys that I will now just let it go, but I just wanted to clarify why that had troubled me!

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imtooconfused
you know what I mean? I mean it was like spending a great deal of time and consideration to send a short response that wasn't even considerate at all.

 

For what it's worth, I always give careful consideration to a response, even responses like this one. Honestly, it was a complicated situation that he needed to deal with in both a personal and professional manner. I would not read much into the fact that (a) he took his time in responding and (b) he reread your message.

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Thanks guys. you are right. I am just going to stop thinking about him and go about my business. :o

since it happened, it has been cool.

 

and i agree that if he's interested he'd have asked me out. (unless he's not into dating coworkers), but even that said, I still wonder why does he seem so shy when i talk to him? I'm serious. Like not to stay on the subject, or analyze, why do you think he is obnoxious and loud with the group but not me!

also i have to say i guess if me tagging him on the website was indicative, then i'm proud of myself for showing interest. now i'm moving along!

 

Maybe because he really is not into you and is just clamming up.

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Really? Damn. It's not like I have gone out if my way to talk to him other than the few instances described here. I just don't think that's the case. Why on earth did he keep insisting he give me a ride to an event hours away then. Makes no sense.

 

Whatever I am done thinking about this. I won't be contacting him again.

Thanks ya'll

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I mean, you can't be a psychic and I certainly am not, but my feeling is if he's had all this encouragement and isn't able to work himself up to do anything about it or even have a civilized short conversation about it (like no because of work), then what are we looking forward to, exactly? Him being loud and obnoxious just doesn't jibe with him being shy.

 

The only hope is maybe he's a slow burner or attached and right when you forget all about it, he comes forward. But again, why wouldn't he just have a short conversation about it if there's any interest but the timing is wrong. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. No point in continuing to push the issue.

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I mean, you can't be a psychic and I certainly am not, but my feeling is if he's had all this encouragement and isn't able to work himself up to do anything about it or even have a civilized short conversation about it (like no because of work), then what are we looking forward to, exactly? Him being loud and obnoxious just doesn't jibe with him being shy.

 

The only hope is maybe he's a slow burner or attached and right when you forget all about it, he comes forward. But again, why wouldn't he just have a short conversation about it if there's any interest but the timing is wrong. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. No point in continuing to push the issue.

 

Yeah. You are right. Thanks for responding though :-) :-).

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