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exotic_angel

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I’m young, beautiful and successful. I run the marketing department of one of the world’s largest alcohol companies. I’m independent and smart and have a happily active social life. Yet still there’s a secret part of me that only “him” can see.

Our friendship was always innocent and blissful, but somehow curiosity and sex driven hormones got the better of us. Two years ago I stumbled into a friends with benefits relationship. It didn’t change anything at first, we were still “friends” we still talked about everything, still went clubbing together and still dated other people. I swore I’d never fall for him. But I did and after so many months of rejection, many nights of kissing and intense love making only to wake up and say good bye, many broken promise and so many “other” girls, something happened. He started to care... subtly we started to do all the things we used to do before sex got in the way. And I truly believed that finally here it was.. that sometimes in the middle of an ordinary life, love can bring you a fairy tale and this was mine. after more than 3 months my FWB and I got a little “freaky.” It wasn’t long and it wasn’t much, but it wasn’t the things he did or the way I pleased him. It was all the things he said, all the sweet little things. I offered up my everything, my innocence and he calmly refused saying that I should save it for “the one.” as I looked down into his eyes and smiled I secretly hoped and prayed that it would be him. Truth is, my virginity has always meant a lot to me, but I willingly laid down myself for him with sureness that he won’t take it, he won’t break me. Maybe it’s not love, you don’t have to be in love with someone to care about them or protect them, but whatever it is I’m thankful.

Two days later..

The words, “I don’t want you” echo endlessly within my head.

Those three words stood out and stung more than any other words ever did. He promised that it’s not another girl. But he doesn’t want me he doesn’t want to be with me, no kissing, nothing but the “occasional head”. I feel shattered and rejected, but I can’t make him love me, I can’t make him feel things that just aren’t there. I must let go and Welcome this new life.

I’ve been here a million times in a million ways and I’m feeling all the things I felt before. I don’t want to say good-bye I don’t want to walk away. But he’s not going to change and I understand the reality of this. Now as I painful watch all the memories burn bitterly beneath the smoldering flame, all I can feel is sadness. I’m hurting and there’s so many other things that I’ve got to deal with, I must move on. The anticipation, the late night talking, all the laughter and sweet nothings, it’s over. Every other guy feels like a temporary substitute until he comes back, until this love, explodes into a great endless inferno. But it’s never going to be and the only flame that’s burning is that of good bye.

I’m just a convenient pleasure. The truth hurts, I can feel my heart crumbling at the thought of him being with someone else, it crumbles and dies even more when I think of all the words he’d say if I told him how I feel. But there’s hope, there is always hope, because it’s only him and it’s always been him. He’s been that splash of color in my lonely mind, that iridescent light that shines through every bitter tear. But it’s only a dream and all my hopes still can’t change destiny. I wish it didn’t have to be another lonely Christmas, another lonely new years eve’s, another birthday to cry all alone. There’s got to be more to life and I want to find it, I want to find that purpose that’ll make me forget all the pain, that’ll fill my world up with other dreams and other fancy things. Love is just another overused four letter word.

 

Can somebody please help me????

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Patiently waiting

Omg, I cried when I read your post. You write beautifully...

I know how you feel about the others just being substitutes and how you feel rejected. I have a "friends with benefits" relationship also. But even worse, he is married. I love him, he doesn't really want me or he would have left his wife already. We have been 2gether for almost a year in an intense romantic relationship. Although I am by no means a virgin to sex, (I have 2 kids) I WAS a virgin to "a certain type of sex". I'll assume you understand what I mean...... I did (and still do) things with him, I had never shared with anyone else. In a sense, he was my first... But although he treats me well when we are together, he makes it clear we have no future. Advice? As I have been told, move on......find someone who will appreciate you. Have i done it? no. Why? cause I love him and pray one day he will wake up to what he is missing........

 

I too will be spending much of the holiday season alone as my kids will be with their dad this year. For Thanksgiving....I am going to Costco and getting a pre-cooked chicken, a bottle of merlot and a pre-made salad. For x-mas, I'll probably do the same.......

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exoticangel,

my heart goes out to you! i am an exOW for a man who had been my friend for many years. and while it wasn't really a FWB relationship, since he had talked about being with me forever and not his wife, it ended and i can understand the pain you're feeling. while i didn't hear, i don't want you, i heard, i can't be with you, and i think both of those phrases have an impact that many don't understand. knowing that he loved me, and still cares, makes it hard for me to understand sometimes how things went so terribly wrong.

for me, it's been several months, and still, the thought of giving myself and my heart to another man is something i can't comprehend. but, as each day goes by, i do feel myself healing. he no longer occupies my thoughts from morning until night then only to haunt my dreams. i now find moments where he's not on my mind until i see something that reminds me of what we shared. time does heal, and i still hope that some morning i'll wake up and feel like i can move on. some days are better than others, and some days i have hope, other days i just want to stay under the covers and cry. but those days are getting fewer. give it time. i know some may say to find someone to fill your days, and your thoughts. but until you're ready, it will be difficult, because they will continue to feel like substitutes, and they will be until your heart has healed.

i wish i had some magic words to give you to help you through this. i wish i could find some magic words for me. but the only thing that seems to help is keeping busy otherwise, getting out to meet new people (with no expectations), and time, lots and lots of time.

PW, i understand what you mean about the holidays. my kids are with me this year for t'giving and xmas but not for New Year's eve and i'm already stressing about what to do on that night.

izzy

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DayumQuitPlayin

Hey Exotic,

 

I'm sorry to hear about that. I know how you feel.

 

From reading your post.. I understand that He took away your virginity, right? Well.. you know how they say... you usually fall in love with the one who takes away your virginity.. do you think that's what happened with you?

 

Its always hard to let go of someone who have taken your inocence. When you give that up for someone..feeling loved and cared for by them.. sacrificing it will make you have a bond with that person. I guess thats what happened with you.

 

As what that other person said.. yea ..that's the only way to get over it. Though that person will still seem to linger in your heart.. you just need to move on. Once you find someone else..who shares mutual feelings with you.. you'll find yourself thinking less of your first.. and more with the one you're with.

 

These feelings you're experiencing are perfectly normal.. It happens to all of us.. its just a matter of time before it'll happen to someone else. I don't really know why he said those hurtful things to you.. but you must be strong..and be able to move on with your life. Oh.. by the way.. 'givin head' ..umm in my opinion.. if that's all he's wanting.. don't do that.. because if he's going to make you feel that way.. don't perform any 'favors' .. plus it'll be better of you don't talk to him as much as you did before.. it'll help you to move on.. trust me. You gotta find other people.. to be friends..and then maybe making that one extra step.. and once you've accomplished that.. you'll feel better.

 

Wish you Lucc, Take care

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What? He actually told you there would be no more kissing, touching, or sex.. BUT the ocassional blow job would be all okay with him?! :mad:

 

I'm so sorry you're hurting.. what a jerk!

 

You know.. strong feelings can and do happen once you become intimate with someone.. especially I think when it's your first experience.

 

Of course you're feeling hurt and displaced.. it doesn't sound like he ever gave any indication he was like this..

 

All I can tell you, is all guys are NOT like this and you're still special and wonderful.. he isn't worth your tears sweetie.

 

Best Wishes

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thank u everybody..

 

it really helps to know that i'm not alone and that soon even this will pass...

i'm a new member so i don't get any private msging options.. but

 

patiently waiting... i believe that love can conquer all things and if what u've got is real then by the power of destiny u will be together. U sound like an amazing person and u shouldn't let urself hurt over this anymore. christmas is a time of warm gushy feelings and romanrtic walks, it's about sleeping late and drinking hot chocolate with the ones u love.. i know it's hard to let go but it's not worth it to be with someone for a mere 3 hours or even to spend a night with someone and kiss and cuddle and make love till the sun comes and at the end of it all he's still not urs..

u deserve better.. occupy ur time with new ppl and new things.. i know u're going to be alright

 

IZZYBELLE thanks for the reply.. no FWB relationship is easy as with all things every situation is different but u seem to have handled it well.. thanks for the advice, i've tried to let go but there are so many memories engraved deep within the most secret parts of my heart and mind.. everytime i see him and everytime we're together i hear a little voice saying jus one more time one more chance, casue i'm always holding on, always hoping.. and i really don't want to let go, i want us to make it.. i dream of some day waking up beside him and knowing he's mine, to finally be able to freely say "i love u" but i don't know if this day will ever come..u're right.. i should move on..

and hey about new years' eve get together with the girls and have a party maybe a movie night.. but be occupied somehow.. i wish u all the best alwasy

 

hey dayum.. well no he didn't take my virginity we did EVERYTHING but that.. lol.. thanks for ur advice though u're right i really should stop spending all that time with him and start meeting other ppl.. thanks for the support and best of luck in everything

 

hey merin.. thanks for the support and kind words and for giving hope..

best of luck this season and always

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DayumQuitPlayin

Oops.. I feel stupid now LOL

 

The 'innocence' thing threw me off. But yea.. you're welcome :)

 

Hope the best for you. Give it some time.. you'll come across a good guy.. remember to take things slow

 

:)

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Thank you all for the much appreciated advice. I hope this does not disappoint you, but I lost my virginity.. and although we didn’t have sex all the way, after trying there was blood. So considering that society deems being a virgin as still having your hymen intact mines isn’t anymore and I figure that means I’m not a virgin.

He was incredibly sweet and seemingly sincere, the pain was too much and that’s why he stopped. It’s not the first time we’ve tried this but it is the first time in a long time. The foreplay was awesome though. His kisses were intense and wonderful, his lips were soft and delicious, more amazing than I had remembered. The former player broke his own rule of “not having sex or kissing unless he’s intimately in love” to kiss and try to sex me.

At first I was more confused, spellbound and even more hopeful than I had ever been.

I decided that I couldn’t stay away from him because he’s my best friend for so many reasons and staying away won’t put these feelings to an end... I still don’t know what it all meant, we cuddled a lot and some time during the intense foreplay he just held me really closely and didn’t let go for a really long time. I felt safe and fulfilled just being there our bodies entwined so hotly together. I don’t know if it was that the foreplay was so good that he did all the things he did or if it meant that he has been concealing some intimate feelings as well.

I told him “I really like you and this life is so twisted I could possibly have any other guy that I barely try for except the one that I really want” and he said “V we discussed this you know we can’t be BF and BF right” but I don’t know and I still don’t understand…

It all had me feeling like such a looser I always thought I was smarter than this.. and I am.

Strangely losing my virginity has made me stronger somehow and now I feel like I can better understand and accept this situation. It’s liberating. Yet still there’s a flicker of regret when I think about how much it meant to me. I thought I’d lose my virginity on a perfect night, dancing and kissing and expensive champagne. There’d be soft music and a big full moon outside. Fluffy white sheets and lots and lots of laughter. But this existence isn’t always as sweet as we hope it to be.

I remember a time not so long ago when life was so much simpler, when every wish had the power to come true and holding hands meant so much, when true love still existed. But where did it all go? Was it just another illusion in my fairy tale mind? I believed in destiny and that somewhere there was someone waiting just for me. Yet, now it seems like every one is all consumed with money, sex and power. Where did all the passion go? Whispering sweet nothings and dancing in the rain.

He never cared for me; it’s always up and leave, always another girl, always broken promises. He got up and sat in front the television as if I meant nothing, as if I wasn’t even there. I felt so alone and shattered after I realized I had lost innocence and all I wanted was to be held, to hear him say he loves me. But how could I even want this? It’s just like another stuffy board meeting, everyone’s there for a purpose, life isn’t a sweet sentimental cliché. I know I must accept this fate and learn to build my dreams on a concrete mind, destroy these emotions that cause me pain.

This is where it all happens I can either let this situation break me or rise above it all. I know I have the potential to do and be great things, if only I focus more of my time and energy on more important things. But when I’m gone I’m never turning back, I never do.

All things happen for a reason and I feel safe to know that my future is in the hands of my faithful friend and companion and I’m not ashamed to proclaim his name, Jesus.

Again, thank you for the support and advice, it’s really comforting to know that there are such wonderful, caring, people out there who’d take some time off from their busy lives to help heal a broken heart.

God bless and be with you all forever.

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I am in a friends with benefits relationship right now with one of my friends that is a man. He told me that he doesn't love me right now in a relationship way. He told me that he loves me a lot, he loves me with all of his heart, he told me that I am his baby, and his sweetie and no body else is to him. He told me that I am the only person that he says to me that he loves me with all of his heart and I believe him.

 

He told me that he thinks he is using me. I told him that he didn't tell me before and he said he told me before, but I don't remember. I do remember what he told me, but he didn't tell me that he thinks he is using me. I told mario that he isn't using me because he loves me. I am not using mario because I love him. Does a person use another person in a friends with benefits relationship? I want to know.

 

Is Friends with benefits a relationship? He told me that it isn't a relationship. He told me that he doesn't know if he wants to go back out with me or not. He told me that he is 50% on each side that he wants to go back out with me and he doesn't know if he wants to go back out with me. He told me that he is still going to kiss me and make out with me still next time we see each other and other times until he wants to stop doing that. He told me that it might get to the point where he doesn't want to kiss me and make out with me. I love him a lot and he loves me a lot. I don't care if he kisses me and makes out with me. He doesn't care if he is kissing me and making out with me or he wouldn't be doing that right now.

 

I asked him if he thinks about seeing me every day and he said sometimes. I think about seeing him every day.

Do people see each other almost every day or every day in a friends with benefits relationship?

 

He told me that he wants both sides of my family to get along with his family. I told him that I will talk to my mom about it and I will talk to my pyschologist about it. Then I will talk to my dad and my stepmom about getting the families together. I don't want to talk to my brother and his wife about it because I only want to talk to my parents about getting the families together and on holidays. The person I am having a friends with benefits with right now said that he doesn't know if he wants to watch my family or not. He will also see that my family will like his family. I can't get both sides of my family if they only met his mom once and they don't know if they like his mom or not until they get to know them. My mom told me that she doesn't have to meet his family unless she had to or unless me and him got married. She told me that she doesn't know if she likes his mom or not. He wants me to get both sides of my family to like his family in case we do go back out and have a relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend relationship) again and in case he wants to marry me. He told me that he would like to marry me and I told him that I am thinking about marrying him, too. I do want to marry him, but me and him can only get married if we do get back together and have a relationship and he wants to get married to me in the future. He told me that he would like to marry me if he had the money in two years if we got back together and have a relationship. He told me this before that he would like to marry me and he told me the reasons why he would want to marry me already.

 

Answer these questions for me. Thanks. I am only going to stay on this website until I get answers from these questions and if I need to ask any more questions. Asking these questions are not going to hurt my friends with benefits relationship and this is not going to change how I feel about him and make me stop kissing him, making out with him, and stop the friends with benefits relationship I am in now. I am not going to stop any of that.

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cassie

u sound confussed and lost.. and believe me i've been there.. i'm still there kind of.. but in the end, it's up to u and only u to make that positive step up..

yes FWB is a relationship and it is different for everyone..

if he loves u and want to be with u.. then go for it.. the saying is true "if love is real then u won't have to question if it is" saying u love someone and having intense make out sessions is not love..

love is trust and caring, it's selfless and goes beyond every boundary.,. it endures all things and never gives up.. it hurts sometimes but true love is forever..

ur famillies is not the issue here..

i don't know how emotional connected u r to each other, but try spedning time together doing things other than kissing and making out.. there's so much more to a friendship than that..

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Hi exotic_angel.

 

How do you know that Friends with Benefits is a relationship?

 

Do you know why he told me that it isn't a relationship?

 

Do people in a friends with benefits relationship see each other every day or almost every day?

 

Answer these questions for me. I will send you a reply back. Thanks for your help.

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Cassie,

 

An honest friends with benefits relationship is where both people enjoy sex with eachother, but do not have any deeper romantic feelings or desire to date the other person. It's something both people go into clearly realizing that there is NOT going to be any romance evolving from the sex. It usually ends at some point. I figure some people can handle it; it takes a lot of maturity and acceptance about a defining border between sex and love.

 

A lot of the fwb posts I see here on LS are usually about a situation where one of the people wants to date their friend, but the friend keeps putting them off with "I don't love you that way," or "I can't date you," while continuing the sexual relationship. Some people can treat sex like a hot and cold faucet; any number of them cannot. Someone's feelings always get hurt, they confused the other person's sexual affection for genuine love. It's not.

 

Cassie, do you want to be involved with this man? If you do, this fwb is out of balance--what you are wanting is something this man is not willing to give you. He tells he doesn't love you in a relationship way, he tells you he doesn't want to date you again at this time. If you can accept that he is only willing to give you affection and sex, that's fine, but if you are wanting a true involvement with him, you need to step back from what's going on before you get really hurt.

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wow morrigan's advice is the most honest and best advice u can receive.. she's right ..

in my case yes we see each other all the time, he's my Best friend, we party together, we hang out with the same friends and do lots of things.. other than sex .. we talk about the future and life and everything that "normal" friends would.. but i've been the foolish one to fall and i know he wants nothing more than "this" so i'm in the process of letting go.. it's very difficult because he has occupied a huge part of my mind and life for so long.. any time i think of letting go i could feel something inside of me ripping and dying..

but i know the best and right thing to do is accept the truth and move on..

as with u..

u've got to accept the truth and understand the implements of ur actions..

good luck

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  • 2 weeks later...

Ladies,

 

I could have written your posts for my situation is the same. I work with the man i love. I was innocent and virgin to many of the same things. I gave it all to him happily. He lied to me and there were so many other women and his excuse was FWB, that's all!! That is not what i agreed to in the beginning. He offered so much more and made it very clear how much he cared about me. He pulled me in and pushed away for 5 years. Without him, i am totally alone and raising a 6 year old son. We didn't live together, but he made the whole relationship as good as it was for the first 2 years, and then made it as bad as it was for the past 3 years. And then he finally told me to move on. He has a "friend", who is noone special from his hometown coming to visit. Because of this so called "nobody" as he calls her, i lost the battle and i am facing the inevitable ending that i was trying to avoid bc i unconditionally loved him.

 

The worst part is that i still work with him(another job is not an option right now), and i still love him. He looks right through me as though i am not even there. He says he still cares and misses me, but it is time to move on. Can you imagine the torment? He won't answer his phone when i try to call, so i finally gave up, he spends lots of time around the 2 other women where i work, flirting and chit-chatting with them. But, he won't say 2 words to me. He expressed that he still "wants" me, but all that matters to him is that this "nobody friend" is coming to see him and he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I am trying to move on, but you all know how it feels. I know you know from your posts. I spent my bday and thanksgiving alone. I will spend xmas and new year's alone bc my son will be with his dad. My ex will be in his hometown screwing this "nobody" and planning with her to come visit him here soon after he comes back.

 

I go through periods where i feel strong and assured that this is for the best anyway, but then i go through periods of sheer emotional torture bc the way i felt about him was real. I feel sick bc i am so torn. He killed a tiny piece of me. I am afraid that even in my recovery, i won't ever get that piece back.

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Hi!

 

My friend with benefits, which is a man. He told me that friends with benefits is more than a friend. I understand what he told me. I was wondering what I am to him. Am I his lover? I am thinking that I am his lover. I also found out that friends with benefits is a relationship. Does that mean that I am kind of like a girlfriend to him a little bit?

 

Answer these questions for me and tell me what you think. Thanks.

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Patiently waiting
Originally posted by statsgirl

Ladies,

 

I could have written your posts for my situation is the same. I work with the man i love. I was innocent and virgin to many of the same things. I gave it all to him happily. He lied to me and there were so many other women and his excuse was FWB, that's all!! That is not what i agreed to in the beginning. He offered so much more and made it very clear how much he cared about me. He pulled me in and pushed away for 5 years. Without him, i am totally alone and raising a 6 year old son. We didn't live together, but he made the whole relationship as good as it was for the first 2 years, and then made it as bad as it was for the past 3 years. And then he finally told me to move on. He has a "friend", who is noone special from his hometown coming to visit. Because of this so called "nobody" as he calls her, i lost the battle and i am facing the inevitable ending that i was trying to avoid bc i unconditionally loved him.

 

The worst part is that i still work with him(another job is not an option right now), and i still love him. He looks right through me as though i am not even there. He says he still cares and misses me, but it is time to move on. Can you imagine the torment? He won't answer his phone when i try to call, so i finally gave up, he spends lots of time around the 2 other women where i work, flirting and chit-chatting with them. But, he won't say 2 words to me. He expressed that he still "wants" me, but all that matters to him is that this "nobody friend" is coming to see him and he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I am trying to move on, but you all know how it feels. I know you know from your posts. I spent my bday and thanksgiving alone. I will spend xmas and new year's alone bc my son will be with his dad. My ex will be in his hometown screwing this "nobody" and planning with her to come visit him here soon after he comes back.

 

I go through periods where i feel strong and assured that this is for the best anyway, but then i go through periods of sheer emotional torture bc the way i felt about him was real. I feel sick bc i am so torn. He killed a tiny piece of me. I am afraid that even in my recovery, i won't ever get that piece back.

 

 

Are ya' sure this "nobody friend" isn't his estranged wife?? This has got to be the biggest jerk in the world! Ok, wait....how old is he? Cause he is acting like a fickle teenager.

 

I feel for ya on the Thanksgiving and X-mas thing. My kids went with their dad too on T-giving, I spent most of the day alone until my girlfriend called and invited me to come over to her sister's house. X-mas the ex is supposed to have them all day, I get them x-mas eve this year. But he wants to go out of town so he has asked to switch with me. Fine with me!!! I would love to have my kids all day on x-mas! I got them new bikes! (they are 3 and 4 yrs) I can't wait to spend the day with them. My ex is so self centered, he still has no idea what is important, just wants to party. Maybe that's how your guy at work is too? Some guys just never learn or maybe they are just incapable of any real emotion.....

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The girl is not an old girlfriend. She is either an old friend or someone new. We went to our xmas party last night. He sat next to me at dinner, but treated me so badly, that everyone at the table noticed how deliberately mean he was treating me, and told him that they thought he was out of line. He said he doesn't care what anyone thinks bc he is not losing sleep over it. He doesn't care who has a problem with it. As the night went on, everyone(except me) was getting drunk and laughing and playing games. He kept touching and hugging and kissing and whispering to women from my job who think he is so adorable. It hurt so much to see him act like this. I asked him "what did i do to you?". He said, "nothing, just don't bother me." When the party was over, i left immediately while he was hanging in a corner giggling with one of the girls. I came home and cried. I just keep saying sorry to myself when i cry bc of all i have been put through, all i have put up with, all i have been there for him when he needed me, and for how sad it feels to be thrown out like trash by someone you love.

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wow, i REALLY wish that i had found this website when i was going through my sh*t, but now i feel like i should pass on what i learned from my experience.

 

The words, “I don’t want you” echo endlessly within my head.

 

Every other guy feels like a temporary substitute until he comes back, until this love, explodes into a great endless inferno. But it’s never going to be and the only flame that’s burning is that of good bye.

I’m just a convenient pleasure. The truth hurts,

 

But although he treats me well when we are together, he makes it clear we have no future. Advice?

 

so those are the two things that really stood out to me (the first from exotic_angel, and the second from patiently waiting)..

my advice to you to you two girls, and anyone else in a fwb is that unless you can seriously separate the emotional from the physical, you are going to get hurt... especially if you already like the guy, and try to pursue a fwb. honestly you really have to take their words to heart... although i always say actions speak louder than words, this is one of those situations (fwb) where you are wanted, either b/c the guy finds you attractive, or genuinely does care for you, but not for a relationship... once you have been told "i don't want you" or "there is no future" or "we can't be in a relationship" etc... THAT is the bottom line... anything else that you perceive from being with this person is b/c yes, they may miss you, want to spend time with you, care about you etc... but its guiltless for them once they have been clear about what they want. they don't have to worry so much about you getting hurt, b/c they've told you straight up, and you are going along with it.

 

I was in a fwb for a year...and we were just friends for a year b4 that (mind you i had feelings for him then too) he was genuine and honest from the beginning. he told me that he really liked me.. but gave me that whole "i've been hurt b4, and i'm not ready for anything serious at this pt in my life"blah blah speech... that was the bottom line, but i kept thinking there was more, b/c whenever we spent time together it felt sooo real, it was so intense, there was so much chemistry, so much laughter... we had so much fun together and i really had never felt that connection with anyone b4... he told me that if he was ready for a relationship, that i would be the one that it would be with.. but honestly now looking back, if he wanted me, we would have been together.. bottom line, he just wasn't THAT into me...

 

Anyway, just wanted to say proceed with caution. you may be okay with continuing things now, just b/c it feels so good/rite, but i can tell you that now.... many months later, i see things so differently, and i hate that i let myself become that person for him for that long. b/c he was good to me, and made me feel special and important to him... i constantly read into all the sweet things he said to me and did for me... i thought that maybe all those things meant he wanted more, but maybe he was just afraid... anyway, its not til now that i've realized it was simple... we were both very attracted to each other, and had a lot of fun together.. so it made sense.. it was easy to say those things cuz they were felt in the moment... but outside of that moment... was that bottom line.. he had told me that he did not want a relationship. those words now really do echo in my head, i hate that somebody i really cared abt, and feel so strongly for, did not want to be with me, but I LET it linger... its been a while, and i am over him, but knowing that i shared all that with someone who didn't see even somewhat of a future with me is hurtful.. sometimes i still think back to the things he would say when i told him how i felt.... and believe me its not a good feeling, you'll see things so differently....

i'm going to copy and paste something that i wrote one nite when things were first ending... and i was first realizing that i was the one that made it more than it was...

I KNOW that i can't write :o its not a poem, its just the way i was writing my thoughts (i used to type my thoughts out some nites when i was extra frustrated), hahah, and i felt like sharing it b/c when i read these posts, i REALLY wish someone had tried to show me this perspective while i was in that whole situation months ago...

 

so many times...

i just lied

mind games/ played by me/ on myself

he didn't care

he didn't try

he didn't want.

i lied

over and over/ confused myself / hurt myself

tricked myself into thinking there was more

it really was so simple.

he didn't feel

he didn't hear

he didn't dream

while i dreamt of him

i wanted more

i wanted to fall...

i let myself think that i could...

and that maybe he would/ with me

that maybe there was more

i lied

deceived myself/ played games with my heart

when really it was so clear

it was physical

he didn't even care

he didn't know

he didn't feel... what i felt

i just lied

 

haha.. so don't laugh... it was my honest realization one night. and i really hope that it helps.

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Patiently waiting
Originally posted by qismat

 

 

so many times...

i just lied

mind games/ played by me/ on myself

he didn't care

he didn't try

he didn't want.

i lied

over and over/ confused myself / hurt myself

tricked myself into thinking there was more

it really was so simple.

he didn't feel

he didn't hear

he didn't dream

while i dreamt of him

i wanted more

i wanted to fall...

i let myself think that i could...

and that maybe he would/ with me

that maybe there was more

i lied

deceived myself/ played games with my heart

when really it was so clear

it was physical

he didn't even care

he didn't know

he didn't feel... what i felt

i just lied

 

 

 

I believe I wrote something like this myself....... You did a great job summing up my situation with your poem. I have not had any contact with my MM for almost a week now. He has not called, I will not call him. If he wants me, he knows where to find me. But he knows I will not accept him unless he can be with me 100%. I have met someone else (just the other day), we hit it off great! I've just gotta try real hard to not sabotage it by believing a pipe dream that my MM will come back to me. This new guy could really be something special ! I'm playing it real cool with him.....no drama......

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qismat thanks for the advice, everything u said was very honest and u're right.. i can't deal with being sexually intimate when there are no emotiosn involved it's destroying me and even though it hurts to let go, that's what it has come to. i've been trying to move on and stay away from him.. the staying away part, i can do easily but i can't seem to kill the invading memories that always fill my mind, i still think think of him and wonder where he is and if he's happy but i know now what i must do and i don't want to start another year feeling this way..

thanks for the encouragement and support

and good job patiently waiting you're in my heart and prayers..

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hey patiently and exotic, i'm so glad to hear that you are both trying to get out of your situations. i know its hard, especially when they pull you close, and than push you away again. you get so caught up and confused, and really thats what gets you hooked. anyway, hopefully u guys are trying NC... any updates?!

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How do you know when it’s over?

Is it ever really over?

Does the pain, the longing, the hope ever go away or is it simply forgotten for a while?

I’ve analyzed this predicament over and over again, I know the facts, I accept the truth, yet I’m still here.

I know he’s a selfish looser who doesn’t want to be with me.

He’s got no ambition and no real morals.

Yet still I keep going back, just one more hit, one more fall.

I’m smarter than this and I’m definitely not desperate for friends or some free nookie. So to all those pass FWB out there..

Tell me how do you know when it’s over?

And how do you finally make that step.. I know it won’t happen in a day or in an instant, but I’ve been trying to say good bye for so long. And there’s always something pulling me back.

I can’t wait for the day when I see him or hear his voice and feel nothing more than a forgotten memory. I can’t wait to be liberated, to be in love for the first time. This is a pathetic excuse for affection, I’m tired of being used. But sometimes it feels like I’m 2 different people.

How do I end this?

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Originally posted by qismat

 

so many times...

i just lied

mind games/ played by me/ on myself

he didn't care

he didn't try

he didn't want.

i lied

over and over/ confused myself / hurt myself

tricked myself into thinking there was more

it really was so simple.

he didn't feel

he didn't hear

he didn't dream

while i dreamt of him

i wanted more

i wanted to fall...

i let myself think that i could...

and that maybe he would/ with me

that maybe there was more

i lied

deceived myself/ played games with my heart

when really it was so clear

it was physical

he didn't even care

he didn't know

he didn't feel... what i felt

i just lied

 

haha.. so don't laugh... it was my honest realization one night. and i really hope that it helps.

 

Qismat, I think what you wrote is really beautiful! I'm constantly amazed by the power of writing. I've been keeping a journal for years now and I often find myself going back and trying to figure out if I've learned anything.

 

Experience really is the best teacher. :o

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