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What is he thinking?


TaintedAffection

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TaintedAffection

I am 24 along with my FWB. I have been on and off with my FWB for 2 years now. When we first got together he was not with anyone and I honestly thought it was more of a ONS. When a mutual friend found out through very good investigation skills I admitted he was a FB. He was a bit offended about that titled and suggested we were more I asked if we were considered FWB and he agreed.

Soon he got together with a crazy cougar and I was left to carry on with my partying ways. I didn’t see him until I went to a club with a girlfriend and he told me about Cougar. He disappeared from earth because she was controlling and was giving him free drugs. Crazy woman told him in front of the club that she will kill herself if he broke up with her.

Needless to say we once again hooked up for a couple months until his female cousin decided to hang out with our group of friends and he once again went to Cougar. I blame his cousin because she was always crushing on him and was even known to hook up with a couple of family members.

Again towards the summer of 2013 we once again hooked up and this is where things got confusing for me and I do believe from him if what was discussed this past few weeks when we hooked up again.

I have always been cool with a FWB arrangement. I am a person who is pretty jaded to love, trust and all those other emotions we like to feel when you are with another person. I blame Disney for the super messed up princesses and crazies that drive men to forget the stabled women. Love is just a word I catalogued in my forbidden dictionary, at least the kind one can describe between two people who are attracted to one another. See super jaded, huh?

Anyways my life was spiraling out of control by November 2013. I had just moved and the people who took over my lease got kicked out, lost my cat in the process along with a couple hundred dollars’ worth of furniture. The landlord would not let me get anything back. I am still paying for two apartments. Oh, also they had the nerve to accuse me of stealing.

I was in a car accident in December 2013 and found out I had to get back surgery. The only surgery I ever had was my wisdoms out at 21 and I woke up half way trying to push the hand away from my mouth. It’s freighting to think I could wake up when they are operating on my back.

My FWB came over and I let him know that I was already upset. An interesting fact is he was kind of living with me. I don’t understand how it happened but one day he came over for some down and dirty and just never left. I didn’t really mind because I was still doing my own thing and so was he.

Anyways after a night of drinking he starts talking dirty to me. We have always talked about our EX’s and other conquest’s so there was no secrets , hell I knew he was messing with Cougar even when we were rolling in sheets. Though I don’t think Cougar would have taken that fact lying down she was crazy. Back to the story, after talking dirty he tells me about his ex-girlfriend and shows me a picture. I mention she has beautiful eyes and then he starts getting mad at me. Turns out Beautiful Eyes passed way and she was to be his fiancé. Now I didn’t mind any of this until he literally went off the deep end and I started to feel quite cheap. Men never talk dirty to a woman and then whine and moan about a dead ex-lover, tell your current lover you can never like another person again, cry and then pass out on her. She will end up having major doubt about your stability her own self-worth and then she will go crazy feeling like she’s your cheap hole and not even a person.

Anyways I had a breakdown due to many other issues that happened around December from my past so December is already a fragile time for me.

Fast forward to now once again he’s back in my life. We hang out all day when he’s not with Cougar. We do the nasty every evening and morning he’s with me and he’s with me at least 4 times a week. I think I am a good lover honestly. I prefer to give pleasure than get it and even super high drunk second head is no match for my mouth. He’s a great lover and a major part of me prefers just that, a lover. Though I can’t help but wonder. Before we hooked up this last time he confessed he wanted to get to know me and date me but how is that possible when you’re with someone else too?

Thing’s I take with a grain of salt most days: He really likes to cuddle, he wants to be around even if I have errands he’s along for the ride. He wants to kiss and cuddle even when its day time. Most days he’s at my house even if we don’t play. He hooked up once again a week after his dating confession. He tells me I give great head and he love’s my kitty cat. I would say I am to please, but I don’t allow people to take that as an excuse to try and bend me too far. I am a Leo and a Horse by nature and he’s a Capicorn. Also this pissed me off the other day but he tells me he’s got to go to his grandma funeral but he’s then mentions a few hours later he was actually going to see Cougar for a couple of days. Hello?! We never pussy footed about lover topics and when I called him out on it he mentioned he felt bad and he couldn’t understand why he lied to me. He did mention he lied to Cougar who he was with and I understand why, she crazy.

I just guess what I really want to know is should I continue with my FWB even if it goes nowhere because honestly while I’d love to date I’m too jaded to commit. He would be a safe bet to date if I was looking to date as he know way too much about me and vice versa or should I get one last good romp and tell him to hit the road with Cougar until he can make up his and stop telling me you want to date and never follow through? I will tell you right now every guy I’ve been with has always wanted me to stay but I’ve been too afraid to commit and I’ve ruined a few potential romances that way.

On a bit of a side note, I am dubbed the honorary dude by my guy friends. I had a straight girlfriend confess her love to me because she said I was the ideal boyfriend. I’ve never invited my lover’s to my house because I rather do the deed and leave. This particular lover just ended up coming over one evening and I didn’t bother to kick him out after the second time we became FWB. I’ve had lesbians hit on me and become sadden when I told them point blank I am straight.

I am a pretty ideal catch I don’t need this lover and if for a little bit I can’t get flesh I have B.O.B. for back up. I’m just getting tired of games and these years are going by faster and I am looking for someone who knows what they want too.

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