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Great relationship ruined by her EX rapidly


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Guylonesome

Ive come here because seems that im just simply seeking some sort of advice from both women and guys who have gone through this or simply place ur opinion i will not put real names well simply for many reasons you may know.

 

Recently i have met a girl who i hit it off with it began with a simple smile which later after meeting up again in an area we never expected we talked more and hit it off very well, at first she threw the im in a relationship card but still flirting.A day or 2 passed and she once more stumbles upon me and this time she makes a move to ask for my number i give it to her we begin talking which eventually led up to a 3 am meet up at a beach and although no physical contact was ever there at the time the next day we talked about how we both experienced the want to do more then just have the long covo. Long story short we hook up knowing she was in a relationship which she explained to me was a disaster. its been 3 weeks of what seemed like the perfect relationship she went on to the point she has ended the relationship but that individual will not let go making threats about ruining her, up to killing himself and blaming her. just a few days back she has 2 times asked that we should just not continue being so close and that we should be friends until this whole thing is settled, I truly feel for this girl and she makes the statement that she does as well to the point that when i asked her would u want me to wait for you she said I dont want to ask you wait because u dont deserve to wait, i dont want you to be hurt, or feel like im keeping u there forever. She claims she wants to be with me, but because of this manipulative individual that relationship has taken a fall to where now its akward i cant even express my feelings for her, and she has simply asked that we should not leave each other for good just distance ourselves for a bit until all this problem goes away and we then move on with what we have. My fear is that if i accept this she will simply distance herself to a point where she just wont feel the same, but then theres also the chance that she isnt lying and she truly wants me but what is confusing is why does she keep asking me to distance myself from her and not call her babe love u know affectionate pet peeve things, because she fears wshe or i will be hurt by this person. So i ask what should i do should i just cry out let her go be her friend and hope one day it happens or should i just be her friend and not seek her again?

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Her ex is one of those low-self-esteem stalker types and they can be dangerous and are usually abusive in some way. She feels trapped and doesn't have what it takes to say no and mean it and get out. It takes a lot to do that safely, too. He may give up sometime or not, but the longer she stays, the less likely he is to do so and the more dangerous the situation can become. He is using suicide to keep her there. What more is there to say? If someone is of the mindset that they can cure someone with love or change someone who is a nutball, they just keep staying and keep hoping and waste a lot of time being unhappy.

 

She reached out to find someone else because she knows she doesn't have the strength to do this on her own. Many women trapped in these relationships have nowhere to go or a way to support themselves. She's probably looking for a way out, but truth is, getting out is mostly about shedding false beliefs about what they're dealing with so they can move on and say no and mean it.

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Guylonesome

Really appreciate the fact that you took time to read this, although i did not too much time to put it all out there, you basically understood it perfectly, That is just what it seems and she keeps telling me is that she feels trapped and trying to make us worked. She asked for distance and as much as i was hesitant because i really do have a love for this girl that says FIGHT for her, it just seemed like i was hurting her more putting that pressure of making time for me to slide into her life as well.The only thing that has happened lately is that we have been a bit out of touch talking just on texts, slowly picked up but it was understandable simply because well her mom is in the hospital and shes been going over from work to her everyday she gets the chance too. Although it hurt to do so i basically told her i would give her the distance she asked and apologized because in a way i felt guilty myself for having rushed into this in the first place when she made it clear for me. Unfortunately she made the first move and it went from there. Just tonight as im posting there i went out with her for a few hours for a simple dinner and talk. Believe me when i say i was happy had probably a long conversation compared to many other times. I really do enjoy her company but its the little things that make me adore and love her the way i do. So i ask myself should i wait her out and see if we can rekindle at a later time what we once had or do you think that the feelings will move on at this point, or do you think she is just confused and looking for a companion to spend time and talk with.

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