CarrieT Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 I'm a bit befuddled and am looking for guidance on a response. In short, my high-school years (30+ years ago!) were beyond turbulent; I was raped and molested more times than I can count and one of the sexual scandals I was involved with resulted in me leaving school early (literally, the school board issued my diploma several months before graduation with the instructions I was not to return to the campus). It was really ugly in how every peer at school villainized me with slashed tires, death threats, taunts, etc. There was so much anger and hatred, that I have blocked out a LOT of what has happened during my teens. I remember some antics and two actual boyfriends. I am Facebook friends with one of them, although we don't really interact other than occasionally commenting on photos. Bear in mind, I am friends with ALL of my Ex's so this is no big deal, but I don't really remember a lot of the peripheral people that were "part of our crowd." So today I receive the following message and I don't know how to respond: Hi Carrie, I hope this note finds you well and happy.I am not sure you remember me from all those years ago and I know this is random but I wanted to apologize for being not nice to you in the summer of 1982. There was no reason other than being insecure and jealous of how much Carl loved you. I am truly sorry and i hope you accept my humble apology. You are truly an amazing, beautiful person and I wish you only light, love and happiness. I love to view your travels and food photos. You are luminous and a gift to the world. Take care, Kimberly So what do I tell her? 'Cuz, honestly, I don't remember ANYTHING about her or how I was treated specifically by her. I can thank her for offering an apology, but I don't really want to start a dialogue with someone who may bring up memories I don't want to re-hash. Would it hurt her if I just confessed that I don't remember and leave it at that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 I suppose a middle ground could be to respond, thank her for her apology and say it it is not necessary as you have moved on and no longer think of that time as it is no longer important to you, that it is not something you feel any need to return to. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CarrieT Posted April 29, 2014 Author Share Posted April 29, 2014 that it is not something you feel any need to return to. I like this bit! Thanks, Anne! I will probably use your response verbatim - after I stop crying... Hating that someone I don't recall has managed to effect me and another reason to hate Facebook. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 (((Carrie))) now go and find that husband of yours and let him make you feel better 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CarrieT Posted April 29, 2014 Author Share Posted April 29, 2014 (edited) (((Carrie))) now go and find that husband of yours and let him make you feel better Will do! We leave for our honeymoon next week.... Spain! Edited April 30, 2014 by CarrieT 7 Link to post Share on other sites
The Like Fairy Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 I think this woman sounds sincere and authentic. And really nice to boot. I can thank her for offering an apology, but I don't really want to start a dialogue with someone who may bring up memories I don't want to re-hash. Would it hurt her if I just confessed that I don't remember and leave it at that? . Yes, thank her, confess you don't remember, but thank her. She is trying to make amends, she seems genuine. But a further drawn out dialogue is not necessary, (unless you change your mind and choose to correspond further for some reason). Don't worry about 'would it hurt her that I don't remember'. Most of us don't remember peripheral stuff from 3 decades ago. Heck I don't remember peripheral stuff from this morning! I like this bit! Thanks, Anne! I will probably use your response verbatim - after I stop crying... Hating that someone I don't recall has managed to effect me and another reason to hate Facebook. I'm not a fan of Facebook either, for the same reasons. Although the crying you are experiencing will probably be cathartic in the long run, as irritating as it is at the moment - leftover feelings that need to surface and be experienced - from a very turbulent and traumatic time in your life. (((Carrie))) now go and find that husband of yours and let him make you feel better Ditto! Will do! We leave for our honeymoon next week.... Spain! That sounds FANTASTIC. Enjoy!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 I would find her in the yearbook because her face might seem familiar. I had a bully girl apologize to me a few years after high school when I ran into her at a store, and we went out and had a drink and that was all. But it was nice and I believe she was sincere. She was friends with the popular girls but she had a tragic nose and so I think she had to be nice to them to keep from being bullied herself. And when I saw her, she had a nose job and was unrecognizable, but I'm glad she did that for herself. I'm sure there are a few of them who are sorry now they know what they did. Teens are like a pack of hyenas sometimes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CarrieT Posted April 30, 2014 Author Share Posted April 30, 2014 I would find her in the yearbook because her face might seem familiar. Before I was asked to leave the school, some bullies from the yearbook committee got ahold of my yearbook, passed it around the school and had it filled with vitriolic attacks, graffiti, and smut. I burned it years ago... Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 I'm a bit befuddled and am looking for guidance on a response. In short, my high-school years (30+ years ago!) were beyond turbulent; I was raped and molested more times than I can count and one of the sexual scandals I was involved with resulted in me leaving school early (literally, the school board issued my diploma several months before graduation with the instructions I was not to return to the campus). It was really ugly in how every peer at school villainized me with slashed tires, death threats, taunts, etc. There was so much anger and hatred, that I have blocked out a LOT of what has happened during my teens. I remember some antics and two actual boyfriends. I am Facebook friends with one of them, although we don't really interact other than occasionally commenting on photos. Bear in mind, I am friends with ALL of my Ex's so this is no big deal, but I don't really remember a lot of the peripheral people that were "part of our crowd." So today I receive the following message and I don't know how to respond: Hi Carrie, I hope this note finds you well and happy.I am not sure you remember me from all those years ago and I know this is random but I wanted to apologize for being not nice to you in the summer of 1982. There was no reason other than being insecure and jealous of how much Carl loved you. I am truly sorry and i hope you accept my humble apology. You are truly an amazing, beautiful person and I wish you only light, love and happiness. I love to view your travels and food photos. You are luminous and a gift to the world. Take care, Kimberly So what do I tell her? 'Cuz, honestly, I don't remember ANYTHING about her or how I was treated specifically by her. I can thank her for offering an apology, but I don't really want to start a dialogue with someone who may bring up memories I don't want to re-hash. Would it hurt her if I just confessed that I don't remember and leave it at that? IMO. A simple thank you would be enough. Just remember that a high school reunion isn't a requirement. You can either attend or not. it's your choice. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 I like this bit! Thanks, Anne! I will probably use your response verbatim - after I stop crying... Hating that someone I don't recall has managed to effect me and another reason to hate Facebook. I remember when I found a facebook group for my last high school in England, and it was filled with photographs of the girls and boys who bullied me. I was surprised at my response: shaking, and crying really hard. It had been nineteen years since I'd seen them, but those pictures really took me back, and they changed my life completely, since they levelled my self-esteem. I stuck around long enough to let them know that I'd moved to California, been really happy there, and to find the girl who had stuck up for me once in class. She's now on my facebook friend's list, because she stayed in my mind, all these years. I think this woman sounds sincere, but it is horrible to have that sort of thing just pop up and smack you. ♥ 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 Will do! We leave for our honeymoon next week.... Spain! Lucky you - whereabouts are you going? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 Your local library will have a copy of the yearbook, if you are interested enough to find out if you recognize the girl. I wouldn't worry about it though. She was just being nice. Link to post Share on other sites
okc85 Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 It's nice that she apologized. I think as children, and even as adults, we don't realize how much our mean words and actions can hurt others. I got bullied the entire time I was in school. It's a reason why I developed an anxiety disorder in 6th grade that I was never able to shake off. One of my bullies is friends with my brother's girlfriend, and I'm going to see her at a party next week. I doubt she has any idea how much she hurt me. I somehow doubt she even remembers or cares. I'm not going to bring it up...unless I get drunk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CarrieT Posted April 30, 2014 Author Share Posted April 30, 2014 Lucky you - whereabouts are you going? Madrid, Toledo, Seville, and Barcelona... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 I love Seville and Barcelona and so want to go to Madrid. Very jealous Seville cathedral is beautiful as a traditional version but Sagrada Familia in Barcelona is breathtakingly beautiful. It is my (and Wuggle's) favourite building. We are both huge Gaudi fans. Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 Think I'd write back to Kimberly something like (you've probably already answered her, though), "What a beautiful note, Kimberly! Thanks so much for remembering me in such a kind way and glad you enjoy my food photos and reading of my little travel jaunts! Hope you are doing well and that life has been kind to you! Carrie T" If she responds then I'd probably send back a couple of words and a smiley face. You never know when a door is opening so that you can bring sunshine into someone's life! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CarrieT Posted May 1, 2014 Author Share Posted May 1, 2014 I wouldn't worry about it though. She was just being nice. I see that and I acknowledged it. Your local library will have a copy of the yearbook, if you are interested enough to find out if you recognize the girl. . Nope. Not interested... In the 30+ years (and three rapes) since high school, I have had a number of therapists suggest I deal with my repressed memories. I figure that there is a reason they are repressed and since I'm functioning just fine without knowing a lot of things, I can stay that way. Link to post Share on other sites
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