FWB-Why do men stop "sexual" things, but they still want to "date" you?!

[clairehud]

I was practiclly telling this guy indirectly we will just have sex, so was he to me. No strings attached (subconsciously)

 

We loved to talk about it, i was really turned on by him, so we were a bit explicit, photos, dirty talk, you know what I mean. (lmao, sorry i sound like some whore now, it was first time i decided to do something like this )

Anyway sex was not how, I thought it would be, it was more of confused and sensitive, nothing dirty. Well, first time I guess.

After sex he acted like he was in "love" with me, we spent a weekend together at his house. He meets me up with his best friend, treats me nice. I was confused, but I fell for it big.

As always **** happens when you don't expect it. I feel in love with him, he admited to me that he is very into me and likes me more then a friend! I snaped so I confessed my feelings after some time, told him I am all out of this if he doesn't understands it, that I want to move on... That was his response.

 

Yesterday I text him: What are you wearing? (I did it for fun and attention..) A guy acts like wtF is wrong with me, like I never sent him something like this and gets offended, I guess...His respond was: whaaaat? are you drunk?

I am confused, it's not first time he did this. When I wanted to get into this direction before ("long" time ago) he also "blew me off" when I sent him my sexy (no nudity) pic. He just ignored it. I feel unattractive by him doing this! When infact he thinks I am beautiful and very attractive.

 

I don't know what to think about it? Is it possible that he respects me and wants to wait for sex and that we made a mistake, or he is just not that into me. If he wasn't into me, why would he ever confessed he is crazy about me and basiclly "loves" me, but doesn't want to take advantage of me LMAO no benefits in that.

 

What should I do? Be romantic now, affectionate, feminime? He is romantic, that is lovely, but I don't understand him. What does it mean when he refuses sex, he could have me easily if he wants to, but he doesnt? That is good, I just don't think he acts like all men would act

Edited March 31, 2013 by clairehud

[sweetheart5381]

I was practiclly telling this guy indirectly we will just have sex, so was he to me. No strings attached (subconsciously)

 

We loved to talk about it, i was really turned on by him, so we were a bit explicit, photos, dirty talk, you know what I mean. (lmao, sorry i sound like some whore now, it was first time i decided to do something like this )

Anyway sex was not how, I thought it would be, it was more of confused and sensitive, nothing dirty. Well, first time I guess.

After sex he acted like he was in "love" with me, we spent a weekend together at his house. He meets me up with his best friend, treats me nice. I was confused, but I fell for it big.

As always **** happens when you don't expect it. I feel in love with him, he admited to me that he is very into me and likes me more then a friend! I snaped so I confessed my feelings after some time, that was his response.

 

Yesterday I text him: What are you wearing? (I did it for fun and attention..) A guy acts like wtF is wrong with me, like I never sent him something like this and gets offended, I guess...His respond was: whaaaat? are you drunk?

I am confused, it's not first time he did this. When I wanted to get into this direction before ("long" time ago) he also "blew me off" when I sent him my sexy (no nudity) pic. He just ignored it. I feel unattractive by him doing this!

 

I don't know what to think about it? Is it possible that he respects me and wants to wait for sex and that we made a mistake, or he is just not that into me. If he wasn't into me, why would he ever confessed he is crazy about me and basiclly "loves" me, but doesn't want to take advantage of me LMAO no benefits in that.

 

What should I do? Be romantic now, affectionate, feminime? He is romantic, that is lovely, but I don't understand him.

 

Glad I'm not the only one who has encountered this!

 

The guy that I was/am seeing did the same thing. We were hooking up for awhile (about 4 months), having fun and then he decided he didn't want sex with me anymore. He wanted to know why we couldn't just spend time together without sex... I was confused and floored that a man would say such a thing. I felt that he just didn't desire me anymore. We stopped having sex for awhile and just hung out as friends and co-workers. In the last few weeks he has changed. He compliments me, he invites me to his place, treats me so nicely and initiates contact without demanding sex (but he still wants it, he's just a bit shy initiating that way)... he even pours my coffee for me in the kitchenette at work and gets a lil jealous when other men talk to me at work (he interrupts their convo with me on purpose). It's weird when men are offered NSA and they turn it down. I honestly don't know what the heck he wants, but it seems like more than sex.

 

Confusing!

[clairehud]

Glad I'm not the only one who has encountered this!

 

The guy that I was/am seeing did the same thing. We were hooking up for awhile (about 4 months), having fun and then he decided he didn't want sex with me anymore. He wanted to know why we couldn't just spend time together without sex... I was confused and floored that a man would say such a thing. I felt that he just didn't desire me anymore. We stopped having sex for awhile and just hung out as friends and co-workers. In the last few weeks he has changed. He compliments me, he invites me to his place, treats me so nicely and initiates contact without demanding sex (but he still wants it, he's just a bit shy initiating that way)... he even pours my coffee for me in the kitchenette at work and gets a lil jealous when other men talk to me at work (he interrupts their convo with me on purpose). It's weird when men are offered NSA and they turn it down. I honestly don't know what the heck he wants, but it seems like more than sex.

 

Confusing!

 

Yes it's so confusing, i want some answers! He becomes "romantic" then I pull away. Then he ignores me also, doesn't text me for a week or two, then he comes back and wants to hang out!

I think he is testing me sometimes to see if we could hit it off more then friends.

Sometimes I think he is blowing me off and has found someone else. But he has a busy life schedule also, so I am not sure.

 

I don't know about my guy, but I think yours is really into you You want something more?

[kaylan]

Some guys are just affectionate and treat women well. Doesnt mean he loves you or wants to date you. Unless a guy outright says he wants to date you, dont assume anything.

 

I can be rather affectionate and nice to girls Ive hooked up with. This includes cuddling, caressing their body, making meals if Ive slept over, planning things to do together for fun. I actually try to be Freinds with my FWB. Thats what the F stands for.

 

Most girls dont ever seem to like a simple "Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am" type thing anyways. Would you rather the guy barely say anything and just **** you and hope you leave him alone to sleep soon after? Its not surprising that you fell for him. Its rare a girl is able to sleep with a guy who treats her well and not fall for him.

 

As it stands, hes said he likes you. Talk to him and take it from there. Calm down OP.

 

PS - I think hes dismissing the sexy talk and the photos you send because hes trying to know you on a different level. Stop acting like a girl whos just some hook up on the side. Act like a chick whos trying to get to know him and build something.

Glad I'm not the only one who has encountered this!

 

The guy that I was/am seeing did the same thing. We were hooking up for awhile (about 4 months), having fun and then he decided he didn't want sex with me anymore. He wanted to know why we couldn't just spend time together without sex... I was confused and floored that a man would say such a thing. I felt that he just didn't desire me anymore. We stopped having sex for awhile and just hung out as friends and co-workers. In the last few weeks he has changed. He compliments me, he invites me to his place, treats me so nicely and initiates contact without demanding sex (but he still wants it, he's just a bit shy initiating that way)... he even pours my coffee for me in the kitchenette at work and gets a lil jealous when other men talk to me at work (he interrupts their convo with me on purpose). It's weird when men are offered NSA and they turn it down. I honestly don't know what the heck he wants, but it seems like more than sex.

 

Confusing!

Plenty of guys are more complex than our sex crazed brethren or TV would lead you to believe. Im the same way...if I like a girl, and all we do is have sex, Im going to back away. Frequent and consistent sex is great, but its a downer doing that with a girl you have feelings for. You wanna be sure she feels the same and isnt just using you and leading you along.

 

Yes, guys can feel used and get hurt if a girl only wants him for sex. We will pull away to test her and see where she is at. I personally just directly ask a girl what shes looking for and take it from there.

Edited March 31, 2013 by kaylan

[clairehud]

Some guys are just affectionate and treat women well. Doesnt mean he loves you or wants to date you. Unless a guy outright says he wants to date you, dont assume anything.

 

I can be rather affectionate and nice to girls Ive hooked up with. This includes cuddling, caressing their body, making meals if Ive slept over, planning things to do together for fun. I actually try to be Freinds with my FWB. Thats what the F stands for.

 

Most girls dont ever seem to like a simple "Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am" type thing anyways. Would you rather the guy barely say anything and just **** you and hope you leave him alone to sleep soon after? Its not surprising that you fell for him. Its rare a girl is able to sleep with a guy who treats her well and not fall for him.

 

As it stands, hes said he likes you. Talk to him and take it from there. Calm down OP.

 

PS - I think hes dismissing the sexy talk and the photos you send because hes trying to know you on a different level. Stop acting like a girl whos just some hook up on the side. Act like a chick whos trying to get to know him and build something.

Plenty of guys are more complex than our sex crazed brethren or TV would lead you to believe. Im the same way...if I like a girl, and all we do is have sex, Im going to back away. Frequent and consistent sex is great, but its a downer doing that with a girl you have feelings for. You wanna be sure she feels the same and isnt just using you and leading you along.

 

Yes, guys can feel used and get hurt if a girl only wants him for sex. We will pull away to test her and see where she is at. I personally just directly ask a girl what shes looking for and take it from there.

 

You made a good point by this stuff and you gave a good advice too!

But this guy seemed like a bastard when we met that wants just one thing untill we did it and talked as humans later or cuddled...

Don't judge me now, but it's better to just do it and then go separate ways not strings attached then giving mixed signals to someone who is in "love" with you, I think that is wrong! Especially when a girl admits her feelings to you.

I am probably giving this guy too much of mixed signals when I think about it all in my head because I am scared of getting hurt too. I will just relax from now on and not mention any sexual content

[sweetheart5381]

Yes it's so confusing, i want some answers! He becomes "romantic" then I pull away. Then he ignores me also, doesn't text me for a week or two, then he comes back and wants to hang out!

I think he is testing me sometimes to see if we could hit it off more then friends.

Sometimes I think he is blowing me off and has found someone else. But he has a busy life schedule also, so I am not sure.

 

I don't know about my guy, but I think yours is really into you You want something more?

 

The "pulling away" that you mention about him getting romantic is probably having an effect on his behaviour...aka it may seem to him as though you don't really want him. Men have feelings too, and rejection hurts regardless of gender.

 

As far as ignoring you, perhaps he is genuinely busy. My guy "R" always returns a text or message and responds with an apology if he thinks it's tardy (he doesn't have to do that!) but sometimes it takes time. I used to take this personally, but I have come to understand that he leads a very busy life and I have no intention of impeding on it. I do too as a single Mom and he respects my time with the kids and never, ever imposes. He shuts off his phone when he and I spend time together now, and I expect that he does the same in other situations as well.

 

"R" and I are very used to single life, but we are also veterans when it comes to relationships. We are both rather mistrusting of people and we both know that about each other.

 

I am still at a loss for words as far as if I want something more. I truly just enjoy his company, we are very sexually compatible and laugh together like children over stuff that most folks would never find funny. "That's the good ****" in my book and I'm not looking for anything else I suppose.

[Nyla]

If a man is your FWB and he expresses an interest in wanting to get to know you emotionally, it means feelings are developing. He sounds like he is a man who respects women and wants to be romantic. It also appears that he is upset that you are only interested in his body.

 

Why are you so afraid of love and romance from a man who is good to you? You say you like this man and he treats you well so why not allow yourself to fall in love? Plenty of women would love to be in your shoes.

[sweetheart5381]

If a man is your FWB and he expresses an interest in wanting to get to know you emotionally, it means feelings are developing. He sounds like he is a man who respects women and wants to be romantic. It also appears that he is upset that you are only interested in his body.

 

Why are you so afraid of love and romance from a man who is good to you? You say you like this man and he treats you well so why not allow yourself to fall in love? Plenty of women would love to be in your shoes.

 

Easy, falling in love ends with pain. Not worth it. Period.

 

You need a lil more education in the art of pain.

[clairehud]

The "pulling away" that you mention about him getting romantic is probably having an effect on his behaviour...aka it may seem to him as though you don't really want him. Men have feelings too, and rejection hurts regardless of gender.

 

As far as ignoring you, perhaps he is genuinely busy. My guy "R" always returns a text or message and responds with an apology if he thinks it's tardy (he doesn't have to do that!) but sometimes it takes time. I used to take this personally, but I have come to understand that he leads a very busy life and I have no intention of impeding on it. I do too as a single Mom and he respects my time with the kids and never, ever imposes. He shuts off his phone when he and I spend time together now, and I expect that he does the same in other situations as well.

 

"R" and I are very used to single life, but we are also veterans when it comes to relationships. We are both rather mistrusting of people and we both know that about each other.

 

I am still at a loss for words as far as if I want something more. I truly just enjoy his company, we are very sexually compatible and laugh together like children over stuff that most folks would never find funny. "That's the good ****" in my book and I'm not looking for anything else I suppose.

 

It's good because you both take it slow! It's how it should be for now.

I can understand you because kids are involved, it's different situation, completely different, but you will see how it will develop. As long as you are fine and happy with this its

[clairehud]

If a man is your FWB and he expresses an interest in wanting to get to know you emotionally, it means feelings are developing. He sounds like he is a man who respects women and wants to be romantic. It also appears that he is upset that you are only interested in his body.

 

Why are you so afraid of love and romance from a man who is good to you? You say you like this man and he treats you well so why not allow yourself to fall in love? Plenty of women would love to be in your shoes.

 

It's not simple! I realised something talking to you all and thank you so much for it!!! He ignores me when it's sexual and doesn't responds (it makes me feel unattractive), he ignores my messages when I sent him something "stupid".

He only replies to me when I share my feelings about how I feel or ask him to stop seeing each other.

Why am I afraid and insecure??

Because to some of my messages, he doesn't responds at all. What do I do then? I step back and reject his date or whatever it is and I ignore him. Then I snap and tell him about how he is an ******* for ignoring me or I confess my feelings and that I am hurt. Then he tries to fix it apologizing and making up how busy he was and that he is sorry, then it's fine.

I'll give this guy a chance, I'll be sensitive, emotional from now and we will see how it goes!

He is on a trip now, I will text him that I miss him, I never do it including some cute message.

Maybe he is an ******* or I need to change and risk my heart and show emotions!

Edited March 31, 2013 by clairehud

[Nyla]

Easy, falling in love ends with pain. Not worth it. Period.

 

You need a lil more education in the art of pain.

 

True love does not end with pain. If you think this way you have very unhealthy and warped views of relationships.

 

I can say that as someone who has survived abusive relationships. Now that I am married to a wonderful man, it is easy for me to draw comparisons between real love and so-called "love" masquerading as control.

 

It helps to ask questions so that you can discuss topics intelligently, instead of making erroneous assumptions.

[Nyla]

It's not simple! I realised something talking to you all and thank you so much for it!!! He ignores me when it's sexual and doesn't responds (it makes me feel unattractive), he ignores my messages when I sent him something "stupid".

He only replies to me when I share my feelings about how I feel or ask him to stop seeing each other.

Why am I afraid and insecure??

Because to some of my messages, he doesn't responds at all. What do I do then? I step back and reject his date or whatever it is and I ignore him. Then I snap and tell him about how he is an ******* for ignoring me or I confess my feelings and that I am hurt. Then he tries to fix it apologizing and making up how busy he was and that he is sorry, then it's fine.

I'll give this guy a chance, I'll be sensitive, emotional from now and we will see how it goes!

He is on a trip now, I will text him that I miss him, I never do it including some cute message.

Maybe he is an ******* or I need to change and risk my heart and show emotions!

 

I'm guessing that you are afraid and insecure becasue you have intimacy and self esteem difficulties. You are already being sensitive and emotional when you try to use sex to mask your feelings, snap at him for ignoring you, then later confess that you are hurt.

 

Sounds very confusing and volatile.

 

So a man has to respond to your sexual overtures for you to feel attractive? What about the fact that he seems to want to get to know you on an emotional level, rather than just a sexual one?

[clairehud]

I'm guessing that you are afraid and insecure becasue you have intimacy and self esteem difficulties. You are already being sensitive and emotional when you try to use sex to mask your feelings, snap at him for ignoring you, then later confess that you are hurt.

 

Sounds very confusing and volatile.

 

So a man has to respond to your sexual overtures for you to feel attractive? What about the fact that he seems to want to get to know you on an emotional level, rather than just a sexual one?

 

You are right about psycho analyzing me, I guess... Yes I am afraid, because we hit off wrong way. I can't trust him, but I will try to change. I will text this guy "desperate" message today, I mean sensitive that I miss him.

[clairehud]

True love does not end with pain. If you think this way you have very unhealthy and warped views of relationships.

 

I can say that as someone who has survived abusive relationships. Now that I am married to a wonderful man, it is easy for me to draw comparisons between real love and so-called "love" masquerading as control.

 

It helps to ask questions so that you can discuss topics intelligently, instead of making erroneous assumptions.

 

Its hard to deal with our ego and getting hurt over and over again...It's difficult sometimes. I feel weak when I send to a guy romantic text or say something. I don't wanna be seen as desperate or needy or I don't know what, but I guess it's the only way to find love. If men is an idiot he will think I am desperate, if he likes me as he confessed then he will be happy, it's simple, you are right.

I am sorry to hear what happened to you, at least you are very happy now that is great!!