Dangthisisheavy Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 I've been good friends with her for just over a year now and basically the first time we hung out together by ourselves I realised that I really liked her. BUT she's had a boyfriend the whole time (started a few months before we really started talking). However around 6 months ago we were talking and it came out that she had a crush on me as well, she realised at the same time as I did. She DID end up choosing him but I honestly think she still likes me nearly 3 months after this and maybe because he was the safer decision and her first serious relationship. We decided we still want to be friends. We stopped talking as much over Christmas (still every so often) but about a month ago we finally started talking like we used to again. Anyway a few days later she randomly said she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, and I sent her a few texts asking why, I don't understand blah blah, no more than a few because I didn't want to annoy her or make things any worse. I only got a response from her friend. It turns out she had been fighting with her bf and it always ended up being about me ( I don't know why after all she chose him) and that she decided she needs some space from me. It's been 3 weeks since she said this and we haven't talked. I think I'm in love and I just want her to be happy (with me or not, but I don't see them working out) but I'm starting to miss her a lot. She's been to big a part of my life recently to just let her go. How much longer should I wait to contact her (3 weeks already)? And how should I contact her? (Text easiest, call, or meeting in person but that could be difficult). Also does them fighting indicate that she may still have feelings for me? (To me having a crush on someone for nearly a year is to big to ignore) I just want to be friends again and I am getting over her but I don't think I could deal with losing her all together. The last year has been incredibly tough (close family and friends passing away) and she was the only thing that got me through it all. It's really hard to just do nothing for someone that has been such a big part of my life for the past year. I'm just really confused and don't know what to do! I just really want my friend back. Thank you in advance 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonfruit Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 (edited) She has asked you to leave her alone. I think that means it's time to move on, period. I wondered why you would get involved in this "friendship" with someone who already has a boyfriend. My feeling is you kind of set yourself up for this. Why not join a dating site or something like that and protect yourself as much as possible. Screen girls BEFORE you get involved, don't just jump in anywhere. That keeps you from getting involved as third wheel in a mess in the first place. Of course things can always not work out anyway but I would be mindful of those red flags when they are waving in front of your face, you know? Also, why blur the lines? If you want a "girlfriend" then don't do that "friend" thing. That's what got you here, right? How about when you meet girls, have the policy "girlfriend" or "not girlfriend and move on." "Friend zone" is a losing game, imo and best avoided like the plague. Anyway, just my thoughts. I would do something positive toward moving on and meeting a girl who is available every day. Soon you get caught up in your new activities and all that fades. Good luck. Edited March 11, 2013 by Dragonfruit Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dangthisisheavy Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 I am probably exaggerating things a little, The first time we hung out I felt something between us but I decided to ignore it since the bf and all. Over time those feelings just got stronger until I basically couldn't go an hour or 2 without thinking of her. I WASN'T going to do anything because I knew these feelings would pass because she was in a relationship, and very slowly they are. What I don't understand is why we can't be friends, it wasn't awkward a month ago. It was just normal friends. This came really randomly in my opinion and it sucks. Just so I can get this straight I didn't start talking to her because I wanted a girl friend. I was in a thing at the time anyway. These feelings just built up over time, and especially she was there for me in the rough patches. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonfruit Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 My guess is her boyfriend doesn't like it. I mean yes you are saying "friends" and would accept "friends" but clearly you are interested in her, right? If I was her boyfriend, I wouldn't like it. If I was her, I would feel like I was disrespecting my boyfriend. I mean, are you really surprised at that? It does suck though, doesn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts