Friends to maybe more with long distance

[treeguy]

OK, so here goes. It seems that I have enough questions on my mind that I tend to goggle answers for a majority of them. Not due to a lack of brain function or loss of reality, just really looking to see if others have gone through the same situation. Of course people have and a majority of the answers or comments seem to come from this site in particular.

 

My situation is this: Once upon a time while I was in college, I met a girl. I bet you have heard a story or two like this huh? It started as a immediate attraction to her when I saw her at one of the local watering holes/ dance clubs. Long story short she was waiting on a blind date and I just happened to be there before him. Well, one thing led to another. We were friends who shared the most intimate of details. Family, friends, wants out of life etc. Mind you, these are the thoughts that are as deep as can be for that age. At the time there were so many things going on that my little brain could not either deal with or commit to. I left the situation all together including her. She went on to marry a friend of mine due to a bad night if that makes sense.

 

After some time to myself and for her to do her thing we regained contact. Just over the phone. This has been the one person I truly can be me and not have to worry about what I am saying to her. So back to the story. The phone calls continue, we explain both sides of it and are back to being friends again. Now at this time she was married. Phone calls were light but always pleasant. OK fast forward. She ends up with her husband leaving her. She becomes single. We talk all the time. She wants to see me. I avoid it, because I am not going to be the rebound guy. I have told her this and most times as I told her as well, know what she is going to do before she even knows, or just how I feel.

 

OK, fast forward to a few weeks ago. Everything described before started in 2001-2002. I have some time invested in this as does she. So, she has been broken up with her second boyfriend for about 4 months. While I was home seeing family nearby to her she asks me to come visit. A little more info. to this is that we have both discussed a relationship. She has noted on several occasions it is what she wants as have I. We have always been very honest, but timing is not always a strong suite. So I go up to see her. I step off the train walk over the platform and into her arms. I am shaking...nervious...absolutely. The last time we saw each other face to face was six years ago. This time, we are adding a new dynamic to the friendship, or so I think.

 

I stay with her overnight. It is about as great of a 24 hours as anyone could expect for this type of situation. The next day she takes me to the airport and is very short with the goodbye. After I am half way back on one of my layovers I text her. To say thanks and so good to see her and all the mushy stuff, but nothing inappropriate. Just being honest. I get texts back from her reciprocating the same feelings but with the added " I will need some time" and "I need to find myself". I am very understanding of this but a little confused.

 

Which brings me to this evening. She is always on my mind. When I stop doing things like work etc, their she is. I am being respectful of the needing time thing. I suppose where I am stuck is 1) the distance- which does not bother me that can be changed given the right time or outcome. 2) At what point is it appropriate to re address the "us" factor. I don't feel like I would ever lose her as a friend but she does mean the world to me as do her feelings and mine for that sake.

 

I had made my intentions very clear in the beginning as did she but then it seemed after I left I got put into this gray area. I feel I am leaving out a bit of pertinent info to the whole thing but I assume this is a fair start. I am interested in your thoughts. Thank you for taking the time to read all this if you have gotten to this point. If you feel lost from reading this and have questions, please feel free to ask and I will fill in the blanks the best I can

 

Best Regards

[ChinoMarino]

In my experience women say one thing and do the exact opposite. Play it cool and let her contact you if she's in freedom mode there is nothing you can do to change that. Time and working on yourself in particular is the key to the unexpected contact once she's not on your mind constantly.