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Ok so i"ve been in a pseudo relationship with a guy for 5 months. I guess we have been FWB but also exclusive. But we hang out daily for weeks at a time. Hes still not over his ex so he doesnt make us official, but we are more than just FWB. We go to dinner, we hsng out sober. He cooks. We go on double dates. We text, we phone.

 

What do I do?

 

I have developed feelings for him

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I'm in the same situation as yours. I've fallen for a guy from work, now we're not coworkers anymore, but we saw each other the last two weekends.

 

He doesn't want a serious relationship, because he just ended one of 3 years 2 months ago.

 

We're not being physical, nothing, but we go on dates, eat together, just passing time.

 

The last time we had an awkward moment at the end, he was trying to make me understand he likes me, but he's not in that place right now.

He would like to hang out and talk about nothing and all.

 

It's really confusing and I'm hurt. But what can we do here ?

 

Being patient is the thing we can do, and also be honest with him I think.

Tell him you have feelings for him, I didn't tell it to my coworker last time, and now I regret it.

I think that if you tell him, it will make him understand what you're feeling. Maybe he'll open up to it. I don't know.

 

Like you, I also don't know what to do. I just take it with small steps.

I don't smother him with texts and I let him come to me when he needs it.

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Ok so i"ve been in a pseudo relationship with a guy for 5 months.

 

 

How is this a pseudo relationship? What makes it "pseudo" vs simply unsatisfactory?

 

Why do you not consider it a real relationship?

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I guess we have been FWB but also exclusive.

 

 

Are you exclusive because you have both mutually agreed to only see each other or have you both just happened to have not gone out with anyone else during this time?

 

In other words is your exclusivity something that is an expressed contractual arraingement and you two have agreed to be exclusive with each other even if other tempting options present themselves OR has it just turned out that neither of you have gotten around to seeing anyone else or no options have turned up?

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Hes still not over his ex so he doesnt make us official

 

 

 

If Jenifer Aniston fell in love with him and was rubbing herself up and down his leg and was wanting a real relationship with him would he tell her he isn't over his ex and therefor it can't be "official?"

 

I hate to break it to you and Kamilla but this, "I'm not over my ex," or "I'm not ready yet since my break up," is crap and is just a stalling technique that both men and women use to keep their options open and to keep themselves on the market so they can keep looking while still enjoying the benifits of being with someone.

 

A direct translation of "I'm not over my ex and not ready for another relationship yet." is really this = "I enjoy having your company and like the sex but I think I can do better therefor I want to keep my options open and keep looking but I don't want to sever the ties with you untill I find that other person."

 

It can also directly translate into "I enjoy your company and like the sex but I am enjoying being single and want to keep my options open and I dont want to have be committed and put up with someone else's crap yet."

 

So really bottom line here is regardless of his prior relationship status is he doesn't feel you are "the one" yet and he is keeping you at arms length and keeping his options open.

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What do I do?

 

I have developed feelings for him

 

If after 5 months of a sexual relationship and going on double dates and cooking for each other and daily contact, I would certainly hope you have feelings for him otherwise what would be the point?

 

What do you want to do? Where do you want this to go?

 

You need to isolate whatever it is in this relationship that you are dissatified with and address it and try to steer it in the direction you want to go.

 

If it doesn't go the way you want it to go your options are to either grit your teeth and live with it or break off and find something else.

 

This isn't really a 'special circumstance' situation, it is just a somewhat dissatisfying relationship that is falling short of it's potential. The question is how short is it falling and is it moving in the right direction or not?

 

At this point regardless of the semantics you are in a relationship. The issue is it isn't as satisfying as you want it to be and you are being bull****ted by this whole "i'm not over my ex" crap.

 

Here's the thing, Unless someone is still in high school or are a socially awkward young adult, everyone has ex's and everyone has baggage. We can whine about how our ex hurt us 5 years ago and that's why we can't give you what you want now. It's crap. They just don't want to at the moment and are using that to keep their options open and to keep things on their terms.

 

The catch is if they want to keep their options open and not become too involved with you they can, it is their right. It's also your right to decide how long and how involved you want to be with them before you move on.

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We made a verbal agreement that we would be exclusive. The only reason why i say pseudo relationship is bc there was no title. Yet, we were in a relationship no doubt. Phone calls right after work, etc.

 

What do i want? I want to know if i should walk & have him "miss me" yet at the same time risk him finding another gal....OR grit my teeth & give him a little more space & see if hes ready anytime soon.

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I hate to break it to you and Kamilla but this, "I'm not over my ex," or "I'm not ready yet since my break up," is crap and is just a stalling technique that both men and women use to keep their options open and to keep themselves on the market so they can keep looking while still enjoying the benifits of being with someone.

 

A direct translation of "I'm not over my ex and not ready for another relationship yet." is really this = "I enjoy having your company and like the sex but I think I can do better therefor I want to keep my options open and keep looking but I don't want to sever the ties with you untill I find that other person."

 

It can also directly translate into "I enjoy your company and like the sex but I am enjoying being single and want to keep my options open and I dont want to have be committed and put up with someone else's crap yet."

 

So really bottom line here is regardless of his prior relationship status is he doesn't feel you are "the one" yet and he is keeping you at arms length and keeping his options open.

 

An advice to the OP, try to limit the sex to none. And see how he'll react. Maybe he'll see you in a different light.

Try being his friend. Who knows, he'll start developing feelings for you. Don't give yourself fully on a platter to him.

 

Sunlover, also try telling him you have feelings for him and see how he feels about that. Honesty can really work here.

Not only for him, but also for you.

 

As for my situation, we never had sex. We're not doing anything sexual.

We're just hanging out as friends and we're enjoying each other's company.

 

What's the harm in that ?

 

And he's the one that wants to see me.

In his shoes, I wouldn't want to date seriously either.

I also came from a long term relationship 2 years ago.

He's being honest with me and doesn't want to give me false 'for the time being'.

But mostly I wouldn't want to let a person go for whom I have feelings for but not ready to seriously date yet.

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