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feelings for an older man


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I’m usually pretty self-reliant when it comes to emotional matters (I don’t go gushing and crying to girlfriends), but I’ve got a problem that has weighed on me for the last year.

 

I’m a 37 yr. old public interest lawyer, never married, independent minded, but I’ve had two longish term relationships. I’m kind of introverted and I’m shy at first around guys I’m interested in. Not to be conceited, but most guys finds me very attractive. One guy friend tells me that I’m a 9 out of 10 :p

 

I don’t get crushes and fall in love easily, but when I do, it’s like it’s all consuming. There’s this older man (he’s 64) who I’ve volunteered at a local agency with for two years. He’s attractive and well-educated, while being charmingly quirky (dresses goofy, loudly says his opinions). He reminds me of a wacky college professor. This agency was almost closed because of funding problems and he and I were on a lot of the same committees that battled to save the place. I saw him a lot of fundraisers and also at church for about a year before I fell for him. I always admired his ability to speak his mind and I agreed with his opinions. At some point, this professional admiration developed into a crush that completely caught me off guard. I had been about two years out of my last relationship and not looking for another when I “noticed” this guy. I just had fun with the thought of it for awhile, but since January I’ve had a hard time getting him off my heart and mind. I bump into him once a week at church usually and I still see him at many fundraisers.

 

He’s retired and divorced and doesn’t have kids. He moved back to town to take care of his dad, who’s in his 90s. He jokes around with a lot of the old ladies at the agency, but he acts differently around me, almost like he’s tongue tied. He tones it down around me, even though I think he knows I sure wouldn’t be offended to be joked around with. A friend told me that she saw him checking me several times at a fundraiser. My gut tells me that he is attracted to me on some level. However, I have a hard time believing that he‘ll make a move on me. I think he probably thinks I’m just another physically attractive woman who wouldn’t go for an older guy. I’ve had guys tell me of other guys who have had crushes on me or other women but they are too shy to make a move.

 

Please no comments asking me why I’d want a guy so much older. I have no daddy issues and I’m not looking for a sugar daddy to take care of me. I pride myself on making my own money and supporting myself. I think what really matters is that two people share the same values, which we do. Right now, I’m just trying to show up at the same meetings and talk to him without making it look like I’m pining for him. Part of me feels somewhat like a scared, love struck teenager fighting off the impulse to clam up or run when he’s around. I don’t see myself getting up the nerve to ask him out. Guys might find me attractive, but I’m still basically shy about making an obvious move. I’m not some religious nut, but I’ve taken to praying for a miracle with this guy to ask me out. I would at least like a chance with him to see what happens.

 

Anybody else been in a similar predicament with a crush or a May-Decemeber thing?

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Welcome to LS :)

 

Continue interacting and establish that you are not married nor in a LTR. Express appropriate interest in aspects of who he is which bring value to your shared interests. Let nature take its course. A man doesn't get to his age and position in life by accident of nature. When I spend time with 'younger' women I might ostensibly view them as daughters but my libido is still viewing them as women without regard to age. If one were single and healthy, I'd have no problem exploring that potential. Trust that this man is typical in that regard. I've found that the feelings change little and it's merely the image in the mirror which changes.

 

Yes, I've had such 'predicaments' but the ladies in question have always been married or LTR.

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Sooooo…….I saw this guy yesterday at a fundraiser. We were sitting alone in event center before it started. We were having a nice chat when I offered him some candy. He accepted. Within a few minutes he literally started choking!!! :eek: I kid you not. He ended up being okay, after lots of heaving and asking me to slap his back. Sh*t…I hope he doesn’t think I’m a jinx! He seemed to have a sense of humor about it, but I hope he isn’t too embarrassed by the whole thing.

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I think you should invite him for coffee or a drink. I think he is attracted to you as well but probably feels you wouldn't want to go out with him. Why not make the first move?

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Oy, you're right...but I'm just so shy when it comes to these things :( I'll work on my confidence in this arena. And he seems kind of eccentric in some ways. I wonder if he's socially inept when it comes to dating.

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Sooooo…….I saw this guy yesterday at a fundraiser. We were sitting alone in event center before it started. We were having a nice chat when I offered him some candy. He accepted. Within a few minutes he literally started choking!!! :eek: I kid you not.

 

Tell him that you feel bad for almost killing him (jokingly ofcourse) and offer to make it up to him by bying him coffee or lunch, which ever you think is more appropriate/comfortable for you. Then you come back here, I'll tell you your next step. :p

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Ha! I've been considering that. I've also thought of playfully saying something along the lines of "Hey, you inspired me to take a CPR class. I can now do mouth-to-mouth. If you're ever choking, just let me know." :laugh: Then I'll let his imagination take over...

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This is a lucky man to have you're interest. I hope he realizes that and doesn't miss the love boat. Other 64 year olds would gladly choke on candy to have a beautiful 38 year old fancy them for real. It's certainly worth having an M&M come out your nose.:p Good luck.

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I’m a 37 yr. old public interest lawyer, never married, independent minded, but I’ve had two longish term relationships. I’m kind of introverted and I’m shy at first around guys I’m interested in. Not to be conceited, but most guys finds me very attractive. One guy friend tells me that I’m a 9 out of 10 :p

 

I don’t get crushes and fall in love easily, but when I do, it’s like it’s all consuming. There’s this older man (he’s 64) who I’ve volunteered at a local agency with for two years.

 

What does he look like?

 

Slim, chubby, fat, or is he wrinkly, old, etc.? Do you find him physically attractive? What about 5 years from now?

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to Goldenspoon: I don't usually go for Brad Pitt types. I would say he looks like a better version of Wolf Blitzer from CNN. (No laughing now! I admittedly have a thing for the salt and pepper look on some guys. I think Dr. Drew is cute too). Anyway, he's not too wrinkly, not chubby (nice build). I do find him attractive, but that's not what drew me to him initially. Actually, I didn't even notice his looks at first. I've always respected his opinions. I found him funny and I liked him as a colleague. It grew from there; it caught me by surprise.

 

I thought about what he might look like in a few years. Really, I'm not that into looks. If I connect with someone intellectually and emotionally, then I'm very loyal. I also don't have a need for a "conventional" relationship, like 2.5 kids, white picket fence, blah, blah...

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Ha! No, no :laugh: that picture of Wolf doesn't do him justice. It's the "essence" of this guy that reminds me of Wolf. They aren't twins. That's the closest celebrity comparison I could think of. :D

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You have any seduction tips, Goldenspoon? ;)

 

Before being able to give you any tips, we need to know where you are with him.

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Hey Goldenspoon: He and I are at the acquaintance stage. I catch him looking at me every now and then and he acts less like a class clown around me than other people (most of those other people are frumpy old ladies). I'm pretty sure he finds me physically attractive from the vibe I'm getting.

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i think you sign you both up for a cpr class. Joke about how you almost killed him and let him know you want to brush up on your cpr skills. Be ready should you need to give him mouth to mouth in future. See how he reacts.

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Hey Goldenspoon: He and I are at the acquaintance stage. I catch him looking at me every now and then and he acts less like a class clown around me than other people (most of those other people are frumpy old ladies). I'm pretty sure he finds me physically attractive from the vibe I'm getting.

 

After all these time, you're only acquaintance? You WERE acquaintance.

 

Did you and him go out for lunch or dinner alone? If not, why not?

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