Country_Girl Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Okay, Long story, met a guy maybe 1.5 months ago. Me & a co-worker were at a bar for drinks & this guy and his friend strikes up a conversation with us. It was pretty deep and meaningful, not the regular bull****, and I exchanged numbers with him. So we went on 2 dates (1. Coffee for 3 hours 2. Movie/appetizer/coffee for 3 hours). Nothing happened at the end of those dates, well hugs, if that counts. I really thought we made a connection. We talked endlessly and effortlessly. Based on some of our conversation he decided he wanted to hire me for some sub-contract work. I'm not on his payroll or anything right now, it's basically a percentage of sales but that won't be happening for a few month. Anyhow, since those 2 dates we have met up 5 other times. It was mostly to talk about strategy (so it was pretty much business) - although it was on the casual side in the fact that we would get together at restaurants and share a meal...they always lasted about 3 hours. I would say half the time we would talk business and the other half we would tell stories and make each other laugh. He has paid for most of the meals, but I've picked up the tab twice when I could beat him to the check. One of the times we went to his house since he wanted to show me his movie (he does production)- and since it was too light in the house to watch it on his projection in the living room, we watched it in his room laying on his bed. He would often break the touch barrier, squeeze my leg or touch my back to get my attention when he wanted to say something. He opens car doors for me, hugs me when we greet and depart, texts me sweet dreams once or twice a week, calls me "babe & hon", and in text messages calls me "pooh bear". Typing that out made me lol! Also, last Saturday I couldn't get a ride to work for the next days shift so instead of driving out in the morning he came by and picked me up that night so I could crash on his couch (as my work is a block from his house). We stayed up till 1:30a.m. just talking and he opened up about his ex gf- as we both are on similar time lines and got broken up with around Christmas. So yeah, naturally, I just fell for him. And now I feel stupid, I interpreted him all wrong. He called yesterday to say he would be up at a bar with his friend that is really close to my work if I wanted to swing by. I got off at 9:30 so I said sure. Well yeah it was pretty much a nightmare, as him and his friend were flirting with 3 chicks. I didn't really realize how hard I had fallen for him till I came across this scene and felt like . He did scoot over by me and squeezed my leg, but overall he just wasn't engaging in conversation. Oh and I was also introduced as "the friend". He asked me the same question 3 times and the reason for that was because each time he would ask me, he'd get lost in the girls conversation going on next to us and eventually I was talking to a wall. He referred to all of them as "babe" so now I at least know that's just how he is, it's not a term of endearment for him. I just wanted to book it from the moment I got there, I really wasn't bothered too much until he pretty much ignored me when he was the one that asked the question. He wanted to split a meal with me, so I ended up staying an hour later than I wanted to. He must have picked up on how stupid I felt, as he said "What's wrong babe, I'm getting a different vibe from you tonight?" I played it off that I was tired from working 9 hours and it was just a long day. He offered to give me a ride home twice but I said it's all good I'll just take the bus. I figure, why let something as simple as a ride home mess with my head even more, and for me to twist it into something it's not. So yeah, I read all his signs wrong. I mistook friendly for flirty, and now that I have seen him in a group setting with other women, I realize that's just how he is. I guess it's good to know, and honestly a big part of the attraction to him was lost as I felt disrespected that he wasn't really listening. I didn't go there to sauce his game, I was invited, now I wish I never even went. I don't even know what I am asking, I just need to get this out. P.S. Oh and alcohol was not a factor in his behavior, he doesn't drink. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 First of all, don't beat yourself up over this. It wasn't your fault. He DID send out "those" kinds of signals. And you responded as would any healthy red-blooded American girl. There is nothing wrong with you. The onus is on HIM, not you. He may be one of those PUA types, who knows. The important thing is, he showed you his true colors that night. The blessing is, you found out before you really gave up anything to him. You've lost nothing. Well, except for that "commission" money that isn't coming "for another few months"?? WTF is up with that?? Unfortunately I suspect you're never going to see that money. If I were you, I definitely wouldn't do any more work for him! If you have to do any further dealings with him, keep it strictly professional, and stay calm, cool and collected with him. Be polite, but firm and businesslike and brief and to the point and BUSY. There is no need to explain or discuss anything personal with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Country_Girl Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 First of all, don't beat yourself up over this. It wasn't your fault. He DID send out "those" kinds of signals. And you responded as would any healthy red-blooded American girl. There is nothing wrong with you. The onus is on HIM, not you. He may be one of those PUA types, who knows. The important thing is, he showed you his true colors that night. The blessing is, you found out before you really gave up anything to him. You've lost nothing. Well, except for that "commission" money that isn't coming "for another few months"?? WTF is up with that?? Unfortunately I suspect you're never going to see that money. If I were you, I definitely wouldn't do any more work for him! If you have to do any further dealings with him, keep it strictly professional, and stay calm, cool and collected with him. Be polite, but firm and businesslike and brief and to the point and BUSY. There is no need to explain or discuss anything personal with him. Thanks Open Book...yeah I guess it's just hard not to feel like an idiot for reading him wrong. I mean, I don't have the right to be mad at him for rejecting me in a sense- it was just the disrespect that threw me off. I'm not sure if he was aware of it or not. As far as the work/commission thing goes, we did sign a formal contract and he will have to notify me in writing 48 hours prior to a severing of ties in which the commission will end. I haven't been paid as we are brainstorming as of now (has to do with driving traffic to a website & marketing)- so there is no physical product or website yet. Hence, no way to earn commission/percentage of sales. Your right, I'm just going to keep this professional and business like, which after last night, made it clearly possible. He definitely went down a few notches in my eyes last night, that's for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
BornBlonde Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Watch out for men you don't know really well who call you with pet names...sometimes they do this because they are texting many other women and don't want to screw up their names. You should hold back with this one. Observe. Try not to get too caught up with him until you know him much better. Link to post Share on other sites
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mitchell Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 He never made a sexual advance on you? Even when you were watching movies on his bed in the dark or when you came to his home to sleep over before work? If not, he wasn't sending you signals. He has a friend/professional relationship with you. After several dates, if he was romantically interested, he would have made a move with you on his bed. You're the one who hoped there was more going on. Keep it professional and look for love elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
east coast edward Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Watch out for men you don't know really well who call you with pet names...sometimes they do this because they are texting many other women and don't want to screw up their names. That is such a valid observation. I hate all these pet names like "babe", "luv" or worse "doll". They came over as so sexist, an un-imaginative. "Honey", if used correctly and in particular from a woman to a man, works if it is in the context of a palliative rather than a name. I tend to make affectionate names individual to people that I love. Link to post Share on other sites
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