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GF Sending Mixed Signals?????


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I would like to hear opinions on a situation Im in currently. Its complicated.

 

Ive known this girl for the past several years and have always been very attracted to her. The problem was she was married. About 3 years ago we had a conversation and I let her know how I felt. She expressed that she was not happy in her marriage and wouldnt mind finding another man. From that moment on it was like we couldnt stop talking no matter what. We would txt and email and soon we were having sex frequently.

 

To put it mildly, we fell madly in love and both of us have always believed that we were meant to be together. Because of her situation, we broke it off no less than 10 times in the past 3 years but it never lasted more than a few days.

 

We never talked a lot about her getting divorced but about two months ago she said she was moving out and filing for divorce. She insisted that it had nothing to do with me which was a little confusing. Then all of the sudden she stopped communicating with me. The only way I could get her to talk was be on the road and have her drive by me. Even then she would just cry and say she didnt know what was going on with her life. I just tried to assure her that it was gonna be ok.

 

It took her a few weeks but she did move out. After the move I still heard very little from her. Over the next few weeks I talked to her a little and she just said her life was screwed up but she assured me that she loved me.

 

Eventually it progressed and we talked a little during the week but when the weekend would come there would be absolutely no contact from her. By monday I usually get a message asking if Im mad at her. I am mad, but Im so happy to hear from her I cant stay that way long. A few days ago she said she had moved out for me. In the same breath she said she couldnt promise anything though. The divorce is final.

 

She has started lying to me about where she goes on the weekends. I caught her in at least one lie and suspect she's not honest about a few other things.

Im so confused. Its driving me crazy. I dont know this person. She has become a different person.

 

She swears that nothing has changed and that she loves me. During the week she says she cant talk because she's either at work or too tired from work and she is too busy on the weekends "Having Fun" to talk to me. She assures me that there's no one else involved but Im thinking she is lying about that too.

 

What's going on??? Am I missing something? On the weekends she's either gone or spends the whole weekend with her ex (Having Sex too). WTF?? I would like to hear opinions on what you think is happening here.

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Ive decided to cut her loose. Its gonna be tough. Im afraid she has shown a side of her that I never new existed. I dont know her anymore.

 

Its like she is trying to make me hate her. Its working.

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It seems it is true for many people...once a cheater - always a cheater.

 

I would guess she is dating others and keeping you on the hook to be her safety net. This behavior is so common nowadays it is sickening.

 

Save yourself and find someone without the emotional baggage...you will be better off.

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I was planning on cutting her loose today. She was out of town "Shopping" even though she has no money. I sent her a few messages and she answered anywhere from an hour to four hours later. I asked if she could meet me on her way home and she didnt answer the message. I left a voicemail asking the same thing but she didnt respond for several hours. Eventually she sent an "I love you" so I asked again if she would meet me. She wouldnt answer. Angry by now, I tried to call her and she would answer but hang up. She then sent me a few messages that she couldnt talk to me at the moment and that she didnt answer to anyone. I gave up eventually.

 

I have so many mixed feelings right now I dont know what to do. She was the sweetest most loving person Ive ever known until recently. Now Im starting to hate her. I guess its over. I sent her a message that wished her good luck with no response of course.

 

Im so angry with her. Im hurt and dissappointed by the way she has treated me.

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Im still so confused. If I wasnt so in love with her this was be easy. I called her a few days ago and asked her to meet me. I had a few days earlier sent her a few very angry text messages and she was very reluctant to see me. When she did show up she had a strange look in her eyes. She said things had changed for her and she didnt feel the same way about me as she used to. I was actually relieved to hear that because I just wanted to hear it from her mouth. She said I was very close to her never speaking to me again.

 

I thanked her for her honesty and she even asked me to kiss her a few times as we talked. My plan was to just let go completely but in my weakness I found myself txting her and we talked a few times during the week on the phone. Each time she told me she loved me very much. I just cant figure her out. Its like I know Im being played but I dont care because I want to talk to her and Im just happy to hear her voice.

 

The strangest thing is she goes from almost hating me to saying she loves me in a day and the next day she seems to hate me all over again. She says that she wakes up angry at the world every day and that her heart has become hardened and she doesnt care about people anymore. I can send her sweet txts and emails and NEVER get a response. I called her this evening and she was very sweet and promised to see me very soon and said she loved me. I think she is crazy. I think she is suffering from some sort of mental problem. She cant concentrate for longer than 10 seconds. Im very worried about her and she even said today that she was thinking about going to see a doctor.

 

I want to just let go completely. Ive decided to do the NO CONTACT thing a dozen times but cant seem to stay with it. I know its the right thing to do. She doesnt want to talk to me and its apparent. If I didnt call or txt her I think she would happily never speak to me again. Its just so hard. Im working on it though. I want to get away from the situation because its SO unhealthy mentally.

 

How do I find the strength to start the No Contact plan?

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mythologymajor

i am in kinda almost the same situation as u are... mixed signals... only difference is she professes her love using MSN status updates while she seems to be trying to drive me away by ignoring me and telling me to not call her... it's cruel isn't it? Why can't they just make it clear and not flip-flop this way... it's very hurtful, but it does seem like your girl is stringing you along - and the obvious way for u to go is to let her go... i just wished my own situation was so clear-cut, there are quite some differences in our situations...

 

how to let go? Just think of all the ways she's been hurting you man.... i think u deserve better...

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Thanks so much. You are right. Its absolute torture. Id rather know that its over NOW. She cant talk to me without talking about some friends wanting her to go out or some guy making advances to her. Ive begged her to stop telling me those things and that it kills me. She just laughs at me.

 

She is so cruel. Ive kindly mentioned that I dont understand how she can torture me. I said the worst thing to me is how she enjoys it so much. She just smiles and says, "I know its awful, but its who I am now".

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You are so right. I have to walk away. Running might be the best thing..LOL. I just cant believe how much Im starting to hate this person. This is the person who I shared everything with. Im not the type to let many people inside my head. In fact, Im shocked that I posted here. But its so painful and I cant really talk about it to my friends and this at least provides an outlet for me.

 

Ive decided to go complete NO CONTACT and try to move on. She will be happy I think. She told me that Ive become the one person she hates to talk to more than anyone in the world. I had a message from her this morning when I turned on my phone asking if she would be seeing me any time soon. I just shook my head in awe and deleted it.

 

She is a sick person to me. Ive done some reading on Borderline Personality Disorder and it sounds just like her. I think she has it. Im worried about her still but I think its not really my place to tell her she needs help.

 

This is not the same person I fell in love with. Its sad but its like that person is dead and this new cruel, haertless monster has taken over her soul. I told her that and she said, "Im sorry but I think she is dead and I dont really see her coming back."

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Take a step back and breathe. This girl isn't the white wearing angel you think she is. Don't forget that she cheated on her husband with you, many times. It just didn't matter to you at the time because you were the object of her affection. So, has she really changed for the worse or was she always like this? She was dead, cruel, and heartless to her former husband and now it's your turn.

 

You also have to look at this situation differently. No matter how she felt about you, she's equating all of this pain in her life with you. Regardless how she felt about her husband, divorce is never easy. Especially when he's the one who looks squeaky clean. The pain, the emotions, everything she's experiencing I would bet she's blaming on you. She blames you for making her cheat, the divorce, and now the pain. Because, God knows, she can't blame herself.

 

She wants to enjoy her freedom, she was always a cheater and you should have seen this one coming. As another person said, once a cheater always a cheater. This behavior wouldn't stop once she ran away with you.

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Take a step back and breathe. This girl isn't the white wearing angel you think she is. Don't forget that she cheated on her husband with you, many times. It just didn't matter to you at the time because you were the object of her affection. So, has she really changed for the worse or was she always like this? She was dead, cruel, and heartless to her former husband and now it's your turn.

 

You also have to look at this situation differently. No matter how she felt about you, she's equating all of this pain in her life with you. Regardless how she felt about her husband, divorce is never easy. Especially when he's the one who looks squeaky clean. The pain, the emotions, everything she's experiencing I would bet she's blaming on you. She blames you for making her cheat, the divorce, and now the pain. Because, God knows, she can't blame herself.

 

She wants to enjoy her freedom, she was always a cheater and you should have seen this one coming. As another person said, once a cheater always a cheater. This behavior wouldn't stop once she ran away with you.

 

Wow. I never thought of it like that I guess. Maybe I did but tried to push it to the rear of my mind. What you are saying makes a lot of sense to me. Maybe this is her but Love has had me blinded all along. Something happened in her mind thats for sure. I guess I should have seen this coming but I didnt. Its like she is very close to hating me most days now.

 

I have got to find a way to handle this situation. Im 100 percent sure she's gone forever. The heartbreak I feel almost every second of the day is almost unbearable though. I know I have to move forward but seeing her on the street is very difficult. When she shows up in front of me with another man I think I might not be able to handle that. Its coming. I know this.

 

I guess the one thing that I hate is that I was so blind and I trusted her so much. She has made a fool of me.

I will never trust another person the way I trusted her.

 

I wish I knew how long this pain was gonna be in my heart. I wish she would move away and I would never have to see her again. But she wont do that. I think she wants to put it right in my face and punish me.

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This is very hard to admit. Im so stupid. I started the no contact thing and felt good about it. Then almost immediately she called and wanted to see me. Of course I went to her. We had the hottest sex and then we just started talking. I poured my heart out to her and started to shed tears and she just looked at me while showing almost zero emotion. I was stunned. I asked her how this was even possible. She couldnt really answer me. We parted ways and I felt used.

 

Hours later she started txting me again saying she wanted me to stop by her house that nite. Before I went over there she sent me several messages saying she was sorry for the way she treated me and that she felt as though she was falling in love with me all over again.

I did go over snd she was like a completely different person. The old compassionate girl I fell in love with. She stopped by my place 4 of the last five days before work for sex. All the while promising me she was in love with me and wanted a future together.

 

She had casually mentioned a party she would be attending and I asked her if another man who has been chasing her for years was gonna be there. She said that he wasnt coming and she was just going to be with her friends and would be staying all night with them. I told her to just call me a few times to let me know she was ok. She did call right before the party and said she wished she wasnt going. I told her I would talk to her later.

 

Six hours later I hadnt heard from her so I tried calling but go only her voicemail. Eventually she called from the bathroom whispering that her friends had set up a date for her with this other guy (the one I suspected would be there) and she had been sitting with him talking all night. I was a little stunned. I know Im stupid. She said she would call me when she left. She didnt call and she never answered my calls or messages for the rest of the night.

 

I just cant believe I fell right in her trap again. I dont know what to do. Im in so much pain right now. I cant sleep or eat when she does this to me. I want to get away from her and never speak to her again but I dont know how to do that. I love her so much and she rips my heart out and stomps it in the floor.

 

Someone please help me. How do I just let go without going completely insane??

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Treat me like dirt once, more fool you.

Treat me like dirt twice, more fool me.

 

Has nothing convinced you yet of what you must do?

 

Cut this off and save your sanity.

It's only by ending it that you will stay sane.

 

Don't you get that?

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Silvio, please go NC. You really, really, really, don't need this. There are billions of other women out there and you will fall in love again, with someone who isn't a b!tch.

 

How do you stick to NC? Delete her number or change it to "Don't answer" in your phone Contacts. Delete all her contact details. Remove everything in your house/apartment that reminds you of her. Defriend her on facebook, detag pictures of the both of you. Block her email address(es). Fill your days and evenings with new things - see friends, immerse yourself in your hobbies, go to the gym. Prove to yourself that you're a great person who doesn't need her to be happy. And don't forget to give your phone to a friend if you're going to have a few drinks!

 

I went NC with my awful ex about 6 months ago and I went from feeling absolutely miserable to feeling great and meeting new people. There is some good advice on NC in the breakups section of loveshack.

 

Good luck. And remember - just don't contact her. Whatever. Whenever. However. Don't do it!

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