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Messed around w/ male friend, got feelings but his behavior is

Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 2nd April 2010, 10:16 AM   #1
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Messed around w/ male friend, got feelings but his behavior is

I met a guy about 1 yr ago and we were fast friends. We started hanging out and texting alot. In Oct/Nov he started saying funny things in texts messages joking about wanting to cuddle or sharing the master bedroom on an upcoming trip. Then one nite we hung out and he started cuddling with me and touching me in a more than friends way (rubbing my leg, ect.). It felt nice so I went with it even though I never thought of him like that. Then we went back to his house and cuddled in his bed and he was rubbing my back under my clothes but very innocent. Then I went on a trip to Mexico for a month. We texted a lot while I was gone and he texted how much he missed me and wanted me to come back. When I got back we went on an overnight trip with friends and cuddled at the movie theater. Then back at the hotel we shared a bed and kissed and messed around a bit under the clothes. When we got back we hung out and messed around again. This has been going on and progressing for about 4 months. He comes over to my house and spends days with me and in my room watching movies messing around and cuddling. We can’t keep our hands off each other the whole time and it feels very intimate and loving. We have so much fun and he has confessed he feels more comfortable around me than anyone else and how much he loves hanging out he doesn’t want to leave. We have done everything sexually except have intercourse and mess around for hours and hours. We even simulate sex naked but then I say I want to have sex he makes excuses like “sometimes its better to do everything but sex” or “I wont last” or just avoids the subject. But he goes down on me and I go down on him and what we do is very satisfying and I never feel used or anything but I find it weird he wont have sex. Especially when I know from past conversations that he has been with between 30-40 girls. When we are apart sometimes he gets distant and doesn’t call or text for a few days or more. I noticed after each time our sexual encounters progressed he would pull away after one time I didn’t hear from him for a couple weeks. But more recently as weve grown closer he doesn’t go for longer than a few days. So I recently realized that I am having serious romantic feelings for him. I don’t know what do do or how he feels. I am confused by the current situation and his actions. Help
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Old 2nd April 2010, 10:35 AM   #2
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Well, I have to say his refusal to have sex with you is a bit mysterious. The rest isn't. He clearly had designs on you from the beginning, despite the fact you thought some of the contact between you was "innocent." Be careful. His jumping in and out of your life for days or weeks at a time is prett typical of a guy trying to establish a FWB situation. It is a way of trying to get sex with no commitments. If you have genuine romantic feelings for him FWB is a bad idea. But since he has had the opportunity to have sex and has passed on it, I don't know. Here's an idea: ask him what he wants.
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Old 2nd April 2010, 11:05 PM   #3
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Maybe he really likes you but someone he liked even more told him that he was terrible as far as intercourse goes?
No idea. I'd love to hear a man's opinion though.
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Old 3rd April 2010, 7:08 AM   #4
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Maybe he has something going on medically that makes him uncomfortable with having sex? I knew someone like that and it basically came down to this: a girl had given him herpes, and he was afraid to admit it because he was afraid of getting rejected (and he did get rejected, quite a bit) - so, his solution? Avoid sex.

Hard to say in your case - he could either be seeing someone else and avoiding sex so that it isn't 'really' cheating, he could be afraid of pregnancy, he could have an STD, he could be holding out for emotional reasons (avoiding chemical bonding/attachment) - there's no real way of telling really.
Take what is handed to you, and hand it back twice...
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