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Friend is too Nice, too Noble:


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Firstly, I am in a failing long distance relationship. My boyfriend is emotionally manipulative and self-centered. He calls once a month, and even then, he complains about it. Continually leaves me crying and upset on the phone so that he can sleep. Granted, he tries very hard, but it does not show most of the time.

 

I am not the type of person to just fall for someone. I love hard. But my boyfriend had managed to hurt me to the point where I lost my feelings for him. Here comes the friend. He is noble, kind-hearted, and hard working. We started talking after his girlfriend broke up with him, mostly because I didn't want him to feel alone. Of course, feelings grew. Sometimes I have the feeling that he feels something for me. Sometimes, it feels like I am a nuisance. He is the shy type, so I don't think he'd ever say anything to me.

 

I really like him, but it feels like he is trying to distance himself from me. I don't know whether or not to let him go. When I decide to give him space, he seems happy to see me. I plan on breaking up with my boyfriend, but I also do not want to just jump ship suddenly and move onto another man. Should I let him know that I am interested? Despite the fact that we have so many mutual friends that it will be awkward? Or should I just wait out my feelings and hope they die down? I do not want to miss my chances on having someone close by, who will care for me as much as I for him.

 

We never did anything non-platonic. Just shared lunch, shared a bed (mostly us being cold), and spend a lot of time together. Enough time to cause rumors spreading in our social circle. He seems to like me, seems to care, but he is so nice and kind that I can't tell if he genuinely likes me or if it is a part of his personality. I'd like some opinions, please.

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Wow almost same situation with my friend just a little different though. But honestly I'm that type of guy who is shy, and you know that can be a disadvantage sometimes. Especially since I genuinely care about my friend who I wish I could further things with.

 

Just a little background on myself, well from my dad's understanding me and him are more alike then I would have ever hoped. But if there's one thing in common we both have, is that were genuine people. To the point where people starting judging our motives and thinking do you want something in return? It's like no we just have this personality about us. That makes us want to genuinely care about the people we feel strongly about. So yes it can be his personality as well. I mean heck I'm really shy about my feelings, so odds are maybe he is too.

 

Honestly if this was me I wouldn't want to miss this chance, if you know that you both care for each other. Heck if it wasn't for the distance in travel between me and my friend, I would do the same.

 

Hope that helps a little.:)

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He probably does like you as more than a friend but, he knows you have a boyfriend so he won't make a move if he's a decent person.

 

If a woman I know has a boyfriend I put her in the "off-limits" portion of the friendzone so I don't get attached or breach any boundries of freindship.

 

If it seems like he's distancing himself from you but seems happy to see you he could just be trying not get to attached to a woman with a boyfriend.

 

Honestly, if he's a good guy he won't touch you until your single.

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I plan on breaking up with my boyfriend,

 

Let's talk about that plan. What does it entail? What's the timeline? I'm familiar with the divorce process as I'm going through it, but, really, how much time and thought does it take to 'break up'?

 

I also do not want to just jump ship suddenly and move onto another man.

 

Sounds healthy. OK, so execute that plan and live alone for awhile.

 

Should I let him know that I am interested?

 

Your actions of executing your plan will send a message, as does your continued involvement with your BF.

 

I do not want to miss my chances on having someone close by, who will care for me as much as I for him.

 

Well, then, don't f*ck it up and get moving. Since your BF is LDR, I really don't see what the roadblocks are. Seize the day :)

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Wow, thank you all for your replies.

 

I have tried to break up with my boyfriend before, but somehow, it doesn't work out. Hopefully, by the end of this month, we'll be separated. I've never had such a situation where I care enough about a person to worry about their life after the break up. So I'd like it to be a mutual feeling, which it probably will be, given enough time.

 

I love the idea of seizing the day and living without regrets, but I'm too neurotic and paranoid. I would love to be with my friend. He's actually sensitive and affectionate. In the time I was with my boyfriend and the comparatively short time I've spent with my friend, he's made me feel better about myself than my boyfriend ever has.

 

But I'm too short-tempered and cold, so I worry about hurting him. And the what-if's are terrifying as well. I'm going to try to go ahead with my idea of breaking up with my boyfriend and taking things as they go. Maybe, hopefully, I'll get a lucky break?

 

:) I'm grateful for all of your responses. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to help me.

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