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I posted here in the early days of when i started seeing this guy 2 years ago

 

YEP 2 years...

 

We are sex buddies, and we have been on and off for 2 years.

 

usually what happens is that he freaks when i start appearing to attach and then he says its over. Its always dramatic and irrational (him) and then i beg and plead and then we start seeing each other again a few weeks later. The pattern has repeated maybe about 7 or 8 times in 2 years.

 

I hadnt seen him for 3 months this time, after i asked him to see a movie with me last October. He freaked out at that suggestion and told me it was over.

 

Then we were still in email contact (me emailing him) and then out of the blue he turned up last wednesday to my house.

 

He expected sex, but i didnt give it to him. He massaged my back and i made it clear that was all i wanted.

 

Anyway, on Thursday and Friday I had been having some issues (work) and was emailing him asking what i should do.

 

he wouldnt reply, and then i wanted to know why and i eventually rang me and he blew up at me, yelling that he is pissed off at me because i send 5 emails a day. he was yelling saying " it really pisses me off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

i was just calm and saying "im sorry"

 

We have never established any real rules and so i said "ok what do you want?"

 

He said:

 

I only want what ive always wanted . I just want fun. I dont want any kind of friendship or relationship

 

"I feel like you only contact me when you want something (help). The way i say that, it sounds worse than it actually is"

 

I said "well i always ask how you are"

 

(but if he wont go anywhere with me i mean, i ask him to help me with some business thing or something)

 

"I dont need you to ask how i am, i dont need that, I am fine." I dont need that"

 

I said "so how often am i allowed to email you?"

 

he said "once a week"

 

 

 

"So what do i do if i want fun?" He said "email me"

 

But how can i have sex with him without ANY friendship?

 

How??? ANd why after 2 years is he still being like this?

 

I email him a lot and now he is getting ZERO!!!

 

I am hurt by all of this. I cried last night. I didnt let him know how i felt. I was just like "Ok, i can do that. I wont email except for sex. I wont ask how you are, i wont ask about your health. Its ok"

 

then later.. i was just so upset.

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the thing that cuts the most is when he said:

 

i dont want any kind of friendship or relationship

 

 

 

 

it really cut, the friendship part....

 

 

and he still expects me to email him for sex after saying that? does he not understand women?

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SadandConfusedWA

Oh sweetie, he sounds like a complete douche. But you have to realize that he is not doing this to you. YOU are doing this to yourself. You need to get out of this nightmarish situation. Block his numbers, e-mails everything. Don't let this j$rk take anymore of your time.

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BehindNorthernLines

Yeah, speaking as a guy here, this is classic behaviour and trust me you'll never get what you want from him, whether that be a friendship or a relationship. Ditch.

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Its just that, well we do know a lot about each other, since its been 2 years.. but really all along he hasnt wanted freindship.

 

And i mean to say someone you've just met that you dont want a friendship -well fine, but now, saying it now.. and still expecting me to sleep with him?????

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Yeah, speaking as a guy here, this is classic behaviour and trust me you'll never get what you want from him, whether that be a friendship or a relationship. Ditch.

 

Classic behaviour as in what? normal behaviour? Is this normal? common?

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BehindNorthernLines

It's common with guys who don't want/are afraid of commitment or just users. I try not to be friends with guys like this because I think it's wrong to lead girls on, as you are usually much more emotional and sex is much more of an emotional connection for you than us, so I see why you would want a friendship/relationship with this guy, but I doubt you'll get what you want.

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Its a commitment thing for him.

 

He doesnt want to get emotionally attached.

 

Well f$%!! him. No more emails for him. I hope he eventually realises what he's lost

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That's the thing about being F buddies, the F comes first.

 

So what have you learned from this? Even if he sounds like a douche, he does have a point that he's not there for the emotional, just for the physical.

 

If you think he needs to understand women, you need to check the definition of a **** buddy, you're there for sex.

 

If you want something more, I suggest you find someone else.

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Never mind "emotional" he doesnt even want pleasantries- like he doesnt wan tme to ask how he is.

 

When he came over the other day there was lots of that, so i dont get it.

 

He doesnt even want "friendliness" after 2 years.

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and he still expects me to email him for sex after saying that

Just shows how little respect he has for you.

 

Stop your tears, he's NOT worth crying over. Once your heart catch up to your mind, you'll see this.

 

Please never contact him again, even if he tries to contact you. This guy will continue to break your heart. You like him and have feelings for him, and like (many) men, he's been able to just have sex and not get attached.

 

Try to keep busy, and be around your friends, your family and just know that you will be OK. Just right now it's going to hurt.

 

You are right, HIS LOSS! Once you heal, go find yourself a great guy who is going to treat you well, and love you.

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I feel hurt by how he said " i dont want any kind of freindship or relationship"

 

I feel hurt by the friendship part, not the relationship

 

We have known each other just over 2 years, and know a lot about each other. I guess he has been like this all along, trying not to get attached to me, and being distant, but even so, we do somehow know each other quite well. I dont know if its a n easy familiarity that comes from having sex for such a long time.

 

But yeah.... i just feel hurt, like he doesnt liek me or something

 

And still in all that, he still expects i will want to sleep with him. How can i sleep with him *knowing* he. doesnt . even . want . to . be . friends????

 

Its then really i am a hooker but unpaid

 

I keep thinking ok buster, you wont get any emails from me, and i hope you miss them, and me.

 

And i feel like- doesnt he know that sex would be better if we DID get more friendly with each other??

 

I just cant imagine calling him up for sex now, with those words "i dont want any kind of friendship" ringing in my ears

 

Its not as though i just met him, its already been 2 years.

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The way the conversation ended was that he thinks im fine and ok with everything, and that i know i am "allowed' to email "once a week" and that i will email if i want fun, but wont tell him anything going on with me.

 

But i was just in shock, and hadnt processed it. I feel like he thinks im nothing, just a vagina.

 

I havent had a casual sex thing before, and have previously been the type to shun it, (ive never even had a one night stand), so morally, as much as i like him, I CAN'T call him for sex now knowing he doesnt want to be my friend. I just can't. And this means i lose him altogether. Just because he wont give what i consider just a normal friendship.

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To be honest i really want him to notice i have gone.

 

I guess i email almost everyday, sometimes multiple, if he replies. but then sometimes i might go a few days and not email.

 

The way he spoke to me was pretty severe, and he was very angry that id emailed him 5 times that day but then seconds later he was laughing at something i was saying.

 

I just hope he reflects on how harsh he was.

 

I just really want him to regret this and see how stupid it is. HOW does he think a girl can sleep with someone LONG TERM, (and this IS long term for fb) and not have ANY kind of friendship

 

His words " i dont want any kind of friendship" stung soooo much.

 

Family? my family are dead.

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Just shows how little respect he has for you.

 

Stop your tears, he's NOT worth crying over. Once your heart catch up to your mind, you'll see this.

 

Please never contact him again, even if he tries to contact you. This guy will continue to break your heart. You like him and have feelings for him, and like (many) men, he's been able to just have sex and not get attached.

 

Try to keep busy, and be around your friends, your family and just know that you will be OK. Just right now it's going to hurt.

 

You are right, HIS LOSS! Once you heal, go find yourself a great guy who is going to treat you well, and love you.

 

No i give up on men altogether

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Sorry for the loss of your family..

 

Don't write off ALL men. Just this one. There's something wrong with him. He's cruel and narcissistic. A person like that will drain you..

 

You have every right to feel hurt, be upset, be angry. 2 years IS a long time..

 

Unfortunately, some guys cannot handle it when a woman starts to care, get feelings. Instead of being respectful and honest, they turn into jerks, get you to more or less hate them so you will stay away.

 

Don't email him. Not because he might miss you, but because HE isn't worthy of YOUR friendship. And, most of all, because it's over and doing no contact is going to help you heal.

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Sorry for the loss of your family..

 

Don't write off ALL men. Just this one. There's something wrong with him. He's cruel and narcissistic. A person like that will drain you..

 

You have every right to feel hurt, be upset, be angry. 2 years IS a long time..

 

Unfortunately, some guys cannot handle it when a woman starts to care, get feelings. Instead of being respectful and honest, they turn into jerks, get you to more or less hate them so you will stay away.

 

Don't email him. Not because he might miss you, but because HE isn't worthy of YOUR friendship. And, most of all, because it's over and doing no contact is going to help you heal.

 

Do you mean for HIM its over? No as far as he's concerned ( i think) its carry on as normal, but just dont email me. He still wants sex...

 

Seconds after telling me he didnt want any kind of friendship and no emails about personal stuff going on I said ' So what do i do if i want fun"? he said "email me, but i might not be able to come that day sometimes, it might be the day after"

 

So he Definately still thinks we are on.

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Do you mean for HIM its over? No as far as he's concerned ( i think) its carry on as normal, but just dont email me. He still wants sex...

 

Seconds after telling me he didnt want any kind of friendship and no emails about personal stuff going on I said ' So what do i do if i want fun"? he said "email me, but i might not be able to come that day sometimes, it might be the day after"

 

So he Definately still thinks we are on.

 

By continuing with him, you are enabling his behaviour, which more or less tells him, "hey, it's OK for me to treat Mishy like crap! I can be mean to her, tell her I don't want a friendship or anything, but keep emailing me, I might email you back, might not..But if one day if sex is gonna happen, sure! I'm there.."

 

He is a sh.it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't let him use you like this. End it and forget about him. As much as it hurts, ask yourself WHAT it is you like about him? Even more so now that he isn't interested in anything but sex. what's in it for you? Please, get away from him, he's not worth the heartache.

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I can't believe you're lowering yourself to chasing this guy the way you have been. He treats you badly, he doesn't value you, he doesn't have an ounce of respect for you- and yet you are chasing and pursuing him.

 

The one with the problem here is you. You don't seem to respect yourself enough to walk away from this douchebag.

 

How can you not realize you deserve so much better than this?

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SadandConfusedWA

Mishy, when I asked you how you feel about him now, I was hoping that you would say angry. You NEED to get angry. Many guys can be douches, but what this guy is doing to you makes me want to :sick: just by reading it.

 

He probably didn't start off this way. But in 2 years time, you have let him have sex with you whenever he wanted while asking nothing in return, not even basic respect. This really shows how low your self-esteem is. And if you see yourself in such a low light, he will perceive you the same way, as in not worthy of love or even firendship.

 

You need to get strong. You need to STOP doing this to yourself. Do you have any girlfriends you can talk to? Cut this guy off. If you need to do it step by step, tell yourself "I won't e-mail him for 2 weeks" then see how you feel at the end of 2 weeks.

 

Also post here whenever you need to talk.....

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By continuing with him, you are enabling his behaviour, which more or less tells him, "hey, it's OK for me to treat Mishy like crap! I can be mean to her, tell her I don't want a friendship or anything, but keep emailing me, I might email you back, might not..But if one day if sex is gonna happen, sure! I'm there.."

 

He is a sh.it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't let him use you like this. End it and forget about him. As much as it hurts, ask yourself WHAT it is you like about him? Even more so now that he isn't interested in anything but sex. what's in it for you? Please, get away from him, he's not worth the heartache.

 

I know, its dreadful isnt it?

 

I cant continue with him, not with those rules and restrictions. i wont even ENJOY sex with him.

 

theres nothing in it for me, just physical contact, but i guess im better off dusting off my vibrator

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