what's holding him back? does he like me or .... ?

[IDGH.]

sorry this is really long. and it's a watered down version. ok. so i started dating this guy in like june ...at first i wanted nothing to do with him ... but he begged me for a chance so i gave it to him, and i ended up falling very quickly for him. i lost my virginity to him. like the 4th night we hung out he asked me to be his gf, and i was taken very off guard by this so i said woah, and told him to slow down. so we spent more and more time together, yet the question never arose again. but i started feeling like i wanted a relationship, yet he seemed very distant, and when i told him i didn't know if i could do the whole no strings attached thing anymore he told me that he was sry, and that he has commitmet issues, and that he really liked me he just wasn't human... so i stopped contacting him for like a wk i don't remember if he contacted me during that period, this was early on in the relationship. then he started talking to me, and i caved and went back to hooking up with him. and it was fine again for a while. then one morning he tells me last minute that his friend got a hotel room up at a casino for a night and that i should go, mind you he was already there. and i was actually going there for the night the next day, so i declined his offer and told him i wasn't going to drive all the way there by myself (it was like an hr and a half away).... turned out that he invited some other chick there after i said no. he stopped talking to me for two wks (right before we were going away on vacation together) and was having sex with this girl. i was sick to my stomach and didn't even want to go on that vaca, but i had planned it with a friend and her bf so i felt bad. i didn't bring her up bc i felt like i didn't have the right. the vacation was miserable, i didn't know how to act around him. of course we ended up hooking up the last night when we were drunk, then it was a long silent car ride home and back in the same boat we started in.

 

 

after that vaca we didn't talk for a wk again, then i contacted him. yet i still didn't have the courage to bring up this other girl, so one night my friend just took the phone out of my hand and asked him who this other chick was. so the next time we hung out, he told me that he was done with her, and he really meant it bc he hasn't talked to her since i know for a fact. he then told me that our situation was "terrible" and when i asked why he said "because i actually care about you" and i was like why is that a bad thing? and he said "it's not a bad thing, it's just unusual" i said what you never care about girls? and he said "not usually". and he continued on to say that he "didn't know what he did to deserve this" and i said what he said "you", and he asked why him, and i gave him a bunch of reasons, and i asked why me over the other girl, and he gave me reasons and said the other girl was too needy. this was all in the same night from the first time i saw him since our vaca, and not talking for a wk. and he kept calling me baby, and i was like stop it, because he never called me babyyy before. and he was like why can't i call you baby? and i told him that he could if i was his only baby. and he said yes, that i was his only baby. that he wasn't going to have sex with any other girls, he swore to god. he told me he turned a bunch of girls down for me. he just wanted to take "baby steps" into a relationship. and that i just needed to "feel us". a couple of wks later his dad moved to a different state, and we were talking about it ... and he said his father might be buying a marina down there, and that he might move down there to work for him ... and he asked me if i would be down with that .. and i said what ? to visit? and he said no, move down there. I WAS SHOCKED. of course i said no, i told him i had priorities here (school) and he said that i could find a school down there, and i said i could see if we were together for awhile, but that we weren't even together right now, and he said "all relationships start from day one". and he told me that if i moved down there with him "then i'd definitely be his girlfriend". IDGI. is it bc he doesn't have a job here so he feels inadequate and that's whats holding him back from becoming official? then everything was perfect for like two months, absolute happiness. spent all our time together. but then, about a month ago ... after a night he said he'd call and two hrs went by, two turned to 4, etc etc... the next morning he told me his phone was messed up and thats why he never called. i didn't answer him. instead the next morning i woke up and told him i couldn't lie to myself and say we were going anywhere when we clearly weren't. and that i deserved to be with a guy who knows what they have when they have me. he didn't say one word back. which ate me alive. i wanted him to fight for me. i know i ended things with him bc of the whole not having the "girlfriend" title. i tried talking to him a couple of times during the first 2 wks after i did it, then gave up bc he didn't respond to any of my contact. then wk 3 rolled around, and i was still missing him so i figured, i ahve nothing to lose and sent him a txt. and he answered. we talked ... he asked me to go over, and said no. and he questioned why i woldn't wanna and he told me it wasn't like he was ignoring me or out banging other girls (and i know he hadn't chilled with any girls, or done much of anything since i ended things with him) ...and we talked about the title, and he said he just wasnt looking to settle down or rush into anything, that he didn't wanna feel he had to talk to someone 24/7, that he liked trust over being checked up on. he told me i didn't trust him. and that i'm not confident. and that i should know that i got it like that. and i told him i do trust him, and i am confident but the situation we were in makes me feel not good enough .. and he told me that it's not that i'm not good enough, just not confident,, and too nice. he said i need to learn to put him in his place. so i asked him what he meant by this and he said .. that it's not that he wants to fight for fun, and not that he's bored now, just thinkingggg long term wise. and i was like long term? you can't even handle short term. and i told him to sstop putting all the blame on me. and he told me that he wasn't, that he's just telling me what he knows about himself, and he knows its his fault and that hes ****ed up. but he said if i was up for the challenge, we could work things out. and i said oh so were back to "baby steps" ..a nd he told it just takes him a long time to express his feelings ..so i told him i didn't know how he expects all this excitement from me if i'm just his friend ... and he got offended by the word friend, and told me that obviously everything he has ever said to me or done has been wrong. so i told him i obviously don't see him as a friend. at all. and he told me he felt the same way .. and the fact that we were even having the conversation we were having should say that .. he said for him actions speak louder than words. the next day one of his friends told him that he heard i said something about him (not him, his friend). anways, i barely knew his friend and never said anything about him so i asked him if he believed who said it over my word, and he said "no not really", and i was like ok. don't take my side. and we had little contact the next few days after this, he would just txt me and be like what are you doing. and id answer .. and he wouldn't answer back. he hit me up halloween night, and i ignored him. he showed up at my work the next morning wit his friend, he never goes to my work. it was the first time i'd seen him in over a month, so i just said hi and went back to work.

 

we made plans to hang out last night, to go see a movie, and i talked to him on my break at work and asked him if we were still on ... and he said yah but not a BS excuse or anything but he was on the floor inn pain bc his back hurt so much, but he told me he'd take some meds and be fine. so i told him to pick a movieee while i was at work. i get home, try contacting him .. no answer. he blew me off. so i sent him ..17 texts messages .. bitching him out. and i told him that if he didn't apologize to me by tmrw to never talk t me again. then i changed my mind and said to nnot bother apologizing, bc he should have done it that night, and an apology the next morning would mean nothing to me. and that i officially give up on him. and hr and a half later he answers back and says he's sorry he fell asleep after we talked ... and that he thought i understood he didn't wanna go out bc he felt miserable .. and that 17 txts was a lil over the top but that it was his fault he should have clarified .. so i waited til the morning and told him it was fine and like i said i give up.

 

i know he wasn't asleep bc i know he was at his friends house, bc we have mutual friends. i know he was getting all my messages. i don't why he blew me off. i don't really wanna give up on him, i miss him like crazy, since i ended things i've been miserable .. i burst into tears out of no where. but i can't go on feeling like i'm his doormat. i don't get what is holding him back. i need advice. should i try talking to him again or should i wait to see if he contacts me ?

[Narf]

I dont envy you... It is a yuk situtation and im kinda in a similar one...

I think he is confused... but that doesnt give him a right to play with you like he is, i know it is hard and i know it sucks but you need to leave him alone... Dont talk dont txt, just leave it...

 

He cant be what you want.. You must know that, his action show this, every conversation that has a little hope comes crashing down cause he is just not ready yet.

 

Try your best to go no contact or low contact let him txt you but dont meet up with him. Dont be his doormat

 

Truely if he wants you he will come back himself and will be ready to change, but he has to come back himself or otherwise it will be the same crap over and over... Ive been there for 2 years in this stupid cycle and i wish he would just leave me alone!