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Any hope with my FWB?

Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 25th October 2009, 2:41 PM   #1
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Unhappy Any hope with my FWB?

I've been involved with my long distance FWB for nearly 2 years. He knows I'd like more but has not been willing or able to offer me any commitment as he was in a LTR. A while ago his GF broke up with him and he's been trying to reconcile with her. Recently they went on holiday and he texted me from his hotel to say it hadn't worked out between them and it was finally all over. He contacted me when they got back and arranged to meet me but called it off at the last minute. That was a month ago. We have barely spoken to each other since. I sent him two short messages, one he replied to, the other he ignored. We used to IM each other a lot but he's rarely online now. Can anyone give me an opinion on why he is avoiding me? Have I been dumped? I'm trying to give him space but don't know if that's sending the wrong signals. Should I contact him again? Any advice would be welcome. I would hate to lose this guy now he is single at last.
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Old 25th October 2009, 10:57 PM   #2
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I am going to repeat something I've said before.

It is usually a bad idea for women to enter into FWB relationships. It can be bad for men, too. But it is more often bad for women. The trouble is many women enter into those relationships in the hope they can become something more. But that rarely happens. What women don't realize is that for many men, FWB is the ultimate win-win, get-my-cake-and-eat-it-too situation. They get frequent sex with a women they like, plus the companionship her friendship provides. But they don't have to shoulder any of the responsibilities of a real relationship. Men in FWB relationships have no incentive whatsoever to let them get more serious. If the man's FWB wants to get more serious, 9 times out of 10, he will end the relationship.

You need to ask him exactly where you stand. If he waffles at all, or gives you a negative answer, cut him out of your life totally. It will be hard, but you'll be happy you did it.
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Old 25th October 2009, 11:02 PM   #3
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Why would you have a FWB relationship with a man who was in a long-term relationship?

He is not going to want a long-term relationship with you. Look elsewhere. Have more pride in yourself and demand a man's full attention instead of his table scraps.
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Old 27th October 2009, 12:21 PM   #4
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Hi guys. Thanks for taking the time to reply.

I know FWB is a bad idea but it was the old story of Iíd fallen for him long before anything physical happened and it was a case of something is better than nothing. Married (or committed) men had always been a strict no-go zone until this guy turned up and I will NEVER go down this road again.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know he has contacted me but I havenít got back to him yet. I think maybe he needs to show his colours a bit more and I need time to prepare for rejection. As ADF suggests, I really will have to find out where I stand. Iíll be back if itís good news.
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Old 27th October 2009, 4:44 PM   #5
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Sounds like to me that he already made his choice long ago. If he isn't willing to try and be committed to you from the beginning, then he isn't going to be ever. Also most guys who get involved with a girl while he is involved with another women are pretty much a cheater and will do it again if he gets lonely. So if you two end up and are not even in the same city, what makes you think he will be as faithful to you as he was to his girl in the LTR?
"Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive." - Mel Brooks
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Old 27th October 2009, 11:04 PM   #6
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He's just not that into you. Please move on - before you get more hurt than you already are.
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