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Ex remains in her life


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I have gotten to know this girl for some time now, through a group of common friends. Immediately, we clicked, and started talking for hours on end over the phone, would go for dinner together, and basically talk the night away.

 

In case you are wondering, I had some family problems, and she was an excellent listening ear, and during our conversations, we obviously got to know each other rather well. There was definitely no spark initially, and I just found her to be someone I could open up too, and it did help clear some of my thoughts.

 

Nowadays, we would often call each other to find out how each are doing, and meetup occasionally for meals, or just to chill out. We often find ourselves on the same wavelength, and communication(so far) is without any problems. Now, it would just seem, given more time, to progress to a closer r/s, as I really enjoy her company a lot, talking and doing stuff with her. Everything feels so at ease, with neither of us carrying a pretentious front.

 

Problem is, she has an ex bf, whom she was with for more than 3 years. They still keep in contact like best friends, and she stills stays over at his place, and would also go clubbing with him. Partially because she feels partly responsible for the breakup and she feels the need to be there when he needs concern. This is obviously a major stumbling block, as they both used to love each other deeply. The guy has decided to move to another state to pursue another career, but I'm unsure how she feels after he leaves....

 

Another hinderance about progressing into a closer r/s, is sexually. In our early 20s, she has had much more sexually experience, while I was simply more pre-occupied with other things in life, which I feel was more meaningful then. I'm not certain, but obviously she would like someone to be good in bed, as she feels physical intimacy plays an important role and this has often left me pondering...

 

So I'm just wondering if I wait till the ex moves on, to tell her what I exactly feel, or would it be pointless, and better for both to remain as friends? She is an attractive person physically, and not short of attention from guys, but the mental aspect is what I'm attracted to. I'm also concerned that if for whatever reason the ex delays his move, the window of opportunity might have passed...

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It sounds like the two of you have something special going but your lack of confidence will not appeal to her. Start thinking more of yourself.

 

So what's the problem with the ex? They have broken up...yes, she still sees him and does things with him but she seems to have a lot more to do with you.

 

As for sex, physical intimacy may be important to her but that's got nothing to do with your technique. If she was looking for a sex machine, she would be spending less time with you. While most women tend to like certain things during sex, most are a lot more concerned about who they're with and they tend to value more the time before and after sex. And she would probably delight in letting you know just what makes her happy in bed.

 

Yes, of course, let her know how you feel. Never, ever pass up the chance to let a lady know how you feel as long as enough time has passed and the setting is appropriate. There is no point in living a life of regrets. I see the timing now as perfect for doing this. And just what does the possibility of her ex remaining around have to do with you? Of course, if you are the jealous type then let her go. But you may also want to consider maturing a little and getting over that. You will rarely meet a lady without an ex.

 

This whole thing sounds like a winner if you'll get a more positive attitude about it. And if she says she just wants to be friends, that's great too. That means you can move on to find romance...knowing that she is truly a genuine friend...at least that seems the way she has been to you so far.

 

Sounds great all around to me!

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Well, I do not have anything against her ex of course. In fact, we know each other, though not on a personal level. Its just that it seems kinda of weird, with them being so close together despite breaking up for a few months. And sharing a common group of friends doesn't seem to help matters for all parties involved. We meet each other often, and though each seems cool about it, it just gets awkward at times.

 

Of late, I just begin to feel that I been kinda sucked into a 'best friend' kind of relationship. We would constantly be teasing each other about his/her future bf/gf and laughing it all off. We just seem to know each other so well now, that it reached a level where we are just comfortable doing nothing.

 

She, having more guy friends in her life, obviously is very much comfortable with this situation. I just wished she could provide some kind of singal or intention that bringing this to the next level would be worth a try.

 

I'm also aware my laid-back character isn't going to help matters, I just find myself lazy in putting in the effort in wooing someone, when that energy could have been diverted to something more meaningful, and expanding one's horizons....

 

I am beginning to question if I can ever be in a serious relationship with anybody....

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ThisGirlNameKD

1. All couples who break up do not do so hating each other. In fact, some actually become better friends once they do break up.

2. All females do not have all females as their friends. Alot of them have guy friends.

3. She can't mean all that much to you if you feel that approaching her on a romantic level is meaningless and you feel that you can do something meaningful with you life. Because if we really want something, really, really want something, we're going to go after it despite our fears. That's human nature.

 

What's actually meaningless is playing love games. That a bunch of wasting time. If you like the girl, just tell her that you do. Tell her how you feel. And if she says no, then you know it just wasn't meant to be. If she says yes, just take it from there. It's really not all that difficult.

 

But if you're not ready to do that, then don't waste your time fantasizing about being more than friends.....you really could spend more time doing something meaningful.

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