FallenFromGrace Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 I'm very attracted to a friend of mine, a fact which I havent made a secret to her. We get on very well - we spend a lot of time together - we go to dinner, talk on the phone, SMS constantly, etc. The problem is that I dont have any other female friends, and I'm afraid that I'm misinterpreting our friendship as something more. I'm fairly convinced that she is not intrested in me and she's 10 years my senior with 2 young children (I'm 21). I can't figure out why we spend so much time together (I do not consider myself an intresting person), we have nothing in common! I want to spend time with her, and I also find her extremely physically attractive - but again, I'm sure that I'm confusing friendship with something else. I'm considering distancing myself from her for a time, to see if my feelings change... is this the right thing to do? Please accept my apologies if this is babble, I just spent 5 hours trawling the forum, so I'm pretty tired! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 It's odd that you should post this particular problem because I have faced it myself and I was just as confused...perhaps midori will come along and help us both. In my case, my theory was that I was being used to fill time and give companionship to a lady who was scared to death of intimate relationships. I was a friend and was therefore safe. You are a friend and much younger so you appear safe to her as well, perhaps. In my case, the lady had a boyfriend but she spent the bulk of her time in my company and very little time with her boyfriend. I felt that perhaps I was filling some needs for conversation, etc. that her boyfriend was not. Perhaps she was trying to make her boyfriend jealous. I think you are filling a need in this lady's life but the relationship will go nowhere because, in the longrun, she will look for a man who is financially able to take her and her two children on...and someone who will be more her age. When she is 45 and going through menopause, you will be 35 and not wanting to be there. I also don't think you really want an instant family and all the financial, time and emotional obligations that go with that...and she knows that...that's why you are safe. Best possible thing you can do is talk to her...ask her straight out why she likes spending so much time with you. When you get the answer, please....in the name of research....let us know what she says!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author FallenFromGrace Posted February 12, 2003 Author Share Posted February 12, 2003 I'm still confused. I've tried to subtley ask "Why do we get on?" and she wouldn't give me a straight answer - she bounced it right back at me. The lady in question has taken a job at another company, and while we dont spend as much time together anymore (due to her work commitments, and my deliberate attempts to avoid her) we still talk a fair amount. I dare say that will end presently though. It looks like I migh have been right all along. My lack of female friends seems to have affected my ability to be a platonic friend to any that do come along. *sigh* My new plan for life is to work myself into an early grave. Link to post Share on other sites
ACE123 Posted March 6, 2003 Share Posted March 6, 2003 That's what I'm thinking. My GF is 10 years older than I (I'm 28) we've been seeing each other for 6 months..and she still has issues with the age thing, where as I do not. You friend may WANT to get it on and have a relationship with you, but she may have other issues with possibly dating someone who's 10 years younger. Her friends may bug her about 'robbing the cradle'! Just be casual. Enjoy your friendship. Treat her like any close friend you have, guy or girl and respect that for what it is... ...FRIENDSHIP. If a relationship happens, it happens! Cheers! ACE123 Link to post Share on other sites
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