ht2002 Posted October 20, 2002 Share Posted October 20, 2002 One of my best friends, Ann, is a girl I was romantically involved with last winter. We were never really a couple, but we in this weird kind of friendship/semi-romantic relationship for about 6 months. We'd go out, flirt, and even made out a few times, but both of us had very busy schedules and had very little free time so it never really got serious. Neither one of us was really sure what was going on between us, either. Ann ended up going out on some dates with another guy and they became a couple a few weeks later. I was heart broken. She seemed like she just expected us to go back to being good but regular friends without a problem, but I was very upset about it and was stupid enough to let her see that and tell her how much I cared about her so she was uncomfortable. The next couple of months we had some arguements and avoided each other off and on. About September She flew of the handle at me while we were talking online and I got fed up with the arguing and her not believing me when I told her I wasn't upset about what happened like I had been and threatened to end our friendship. I ignored her for about two weeks after that and then she emailed me and apologized. Since then we've been getting back to being good friends and talk almost everyday even thought we don't hang out together very little. I get the impression she tells me things she doesn't tell her boyfriend. Then the last week or so we've been talking about some of the things that happened between us and dating in general and she's told me how much fun she had with me and stuff like that and how good a friend I am and that she'd do anything for me. There's also been a couple of times when Ann's critizied a girl I was thinking about dating and told me I could do better even though they never meet, and Ann has gotten upset when i couldn't stay as long as she could at the dive center we volunteer at. I'm trying to figure out if she's having second thought and what I should do. I would still be interested in getting back together with her if I had the chance. Link to post Share on other sites
beaker Posted October 20, 2002 Share Posted October 20, 2002 Originally posted by ht2002 I would still be interested in getting back together with her if I had the chance. It's never fun to hang around indefinitely, pining away for someone you want to have a relationship with but who doesn't have the same strong feelings for you. If you're one of those demented individuals who confuses any strong emotion (such as pain, sorrow and anguish) with love, then by all means continue. Otherwise you're going to have to bite the bullet, be strong, and see her a little less than you might want to because you'll never get over her by constantly hanging around. You said at the beginning of your message that when you saw her in your "weird friendship/semi-romantic relationship" (which means friendship, I'm sorry to say) neither one of you was sure what was going on between you. Unfortunately, it's highly unlikely you were both confused to the same extent. It's more likely she's fond of you but not romatically interested -- except possibly when her resistance is low -- whereas you're very attracted to her and took whatever scraps of attention you could get in the hope you could turn it into something more later. When this didn't happen, i.e. when she started dating someone she was romantically interested in and they became a couple, you were quickly set aside. She didn't put you on the back burner because you were already on the back burner. What she did was take you off the stove completely, and you had some trouble handling that and let your pain and frustration bubble over. Look... you've already obtained an extremely negative reaction once before after telling her how you felt. Could it be you're holding off a second time because deep down inside you know perfectly well she doesn't see you that way? Could it be that when you were in a "friendship/semi-romantic relationship" with her before that you didn't tell her about your feelings because you KNEW she didn't return them, and that's why you never became a couple? I very much doubt your "busy schedules" had anything to do with the limbo you found yourself in. Finally, could it be you're overanalyzing the contact you have with her now, latching on to any word or deed that might somehow imply she has feelings for you... while ignoring the 2,000,000 other words and deeds that imply she sees you as a friend? I don't mean this to sound harsh, I really don't. I just suspect you're failing to see your own situation objectively. You can have the strongest possible feelings for someone, and have only the most noble of intentions toward them... but if they don't return your feelings you have to look elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
just_a_girl Posted October 23, 2002 Share Posted October 23, 2002 Originally posted by beaker I don't mean this to sound harsh, I really don't. I just suspect you're failing to see your own situation objectively. You can have the strongest possible feelings for someone, and have only the most noble of intentions toward them... but if they don't return your feelings you have to look elsewhere. I totally agree with this point. It sounds like you are hoping she will come back to you. By being friend with her you are hoping that she will see what she saw before when she was with you. Obviously you still remember making out with her, spending time, etc. If she wanted to go back with you she wouldn't be with someone else. I learnt the hard way that trying to stay friends in the hope that things may re-form is very painful. The guy i was with did a similar thing to me, but over a course of a few weeks (not months) and is still very much with the other girl he started dating soon after me. I love him dearly, but he doesn't care for me at all. Staying friends was too hard for me because i kept questioning him about why he didn't wanna be with me when we got along soo great. I am sure you can relate to this, even if your not asking her, you are asking yourself each time you see her and it would be eating at your heart. Feel free to check out my ongoing story, some good feedback for you to take note of also: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=18025 Best of luck. Just hang in there and think of yourself first. Link to post Share on other sites
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