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Platonic friend


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I have been seeing this 53 year old divorce man with two boys.At first we started out romanically until later when things changed to where he wanted to keep it just a platonic friendship.

 

Over the past year and two months I currently moved in with him and his roommate to help out with the expenses making it hard to figure out just what type of friendship we actually do have.

 

Thier are times he would try to make a move on me only to stop and make the frustration much worst with me overall.....

 

He has appreciate me for the things I have done for him over the past sevenmonths,but he can't seem to commit his feelings for me,as it seems that he is afraid of something....

 

ANY ADVICE?

 

Theresa

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It sounds like you've hit the nail on the head. At his age, he's had plenty of time to accumulate life and romantic experiences to build up a pretty good level of fear. He's probably been hurt or disappointed many times and doesn't want it to happen again.

 

As people get older, they analyze more and become more aware of exactly what can happen if things go sour. As Tony Robbins always says in his infomercials for his books and tapes, man will do much more to avoid pain than he will do to attain pleasure.

 

It sounds like your guy's feelings are locked up in fear. Be his friend and don't expect anything. If you really want romance, move out and go find it with somebody who isn't afraid of taking chances.

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  • 2 months later...
HokeyReligions

I think he said it very well. All I can say is, instead of just moving out and moving on, have you discussed with this man your feelings and confusion? Talk to him, ask him what he is feeling or thinking and just be honest with him. If you have clear, open communication with each other then you can decide which path to take - platonic or romantic - and not feel so frustrated and unsure. If at some point you want to change the relationship - talk to him, and make sure he knows he can honestly talk to you. One or both of you may get hurt because you might want different things - but it won't be as bad as the hurt you both might feel if you move in a direction that one doesn't want but hasn't said so.

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Theresa:

 

I agree with the general consensus that this man has gone through an emotional time with his divorce and that this has some impact on the way he is dealing with you. I'm sure this is a confusing time for the both of you, especially him. Probably moving in with him, with all those feelings for him, was maybe not a good move despite the fact that the main reason was financial.

 

I think time and space will do you both good. It's obvious that the feelings are there, but being too close in each other's space complicates the situation. At some point, he will have to face his fear head on. He will have to decide what it is he really wants. He can't have the best of both worlds. He should commit to you or stay away from crossing those boundaries. Not only does it confuse him but it also confuses you. And you too will have to make a decision. Do you want to continue to be on an emotional roller coaster not knowing where you stand? That's your decison. But I agree that you both will have to communicate with each other what it is you both really want and if it can really be found in each other. Good luck!

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