I don't know what to do now.

[Pipboy]

This is my freshman year in college and the first time I've been away from the people I know and trust for extended periods. I came here because I don't know who I can ask for advice in this little matter I have.

 

Back home I became friends with a girl who I knew a little in high school the summer before our senior year. Originaly I had a thing for one of her best friends, but as time went on I realized that I was in love with my new friend. For the longest time I couldn't get my self to tell her how I felt. It was so hard since we both had many of the same friends and we both worked at the same country club, me as a waitor and her as a receptionist. Any way...on to the point. I finaly told her by leaving a letter, since I'm extreamly shy about these type of things. I called her later that day to see what she had to say about it but she just doged the question, and I let it go thinking I'd give her more time.

 

Now it is approching a year and a half later and I still haven't gotten my answer. In this time I've also written to her twice more. Once just a little reminder about how I felt and the last I pretty much did every thingbut say flat out "respond to this letter please." I've also sent seven roses with a note about how there is one rose for every day of the week I think of you. All things consitered I think I've done a pretty good job at getting my point across. I know it is made difficult because we are both at diffent colleges now, but I still haven't gotten any replys at all from her. I gave her my adress at school and she knows my home adress.

 

Now that I got through all the history, my question is; where do I go from here? Have I reaced that point where there is no point in dragin this out any further? And if not, what now?

[Tony T]

1. "Now it is approching a year and a half later and I still haven't gotten my answer."

 

Not only HAVE you gotten your answer, but it seems very crystal clear. She is trying to spare your feelings by skirting the issue. If you want a very clear answer, I'll give it to you on her behalf....she is NOT interested!!! I repeat....NOT INTERESTED!!!

 

Now, you've got your answer.

 

She may be thinking you are quite dense at this point. This is not an easy situation to put a lady in. STOP sending flowers and more notes for Pete's sake. Give the lady a break. If you back off and STOP showing interest, you may get a response or some better reaction from her. But by persisiting and not getting the hint, you are quickly becoming an annoyance to her rather than a friend.

 

And if she starts being a better friend after you stop this tomfoolery, don't take it as a sign of her romantic interest. Take it as a sign she just wants to be a good friend. She is very clear on your romantic interest in her so let the next move be hers and just forget about it.

 

2. "Now that I got through all the history, my question is; where do I go from here?"

 

Go anywhere...I suggest DisneyWorld. But no more approaches to this gal. She is not dumb and she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Help her out by backing off and finding someone who will be more receptive to your advances.

 

3. " Have I reaced that point where there is no point in dragin this out any further? And if not, what now?"

 

You reached that point a few days after the first time you told her of your interest....like almost a year and a half ago!!! Now she's just wondering exactly when you're going to get the hint.

 

The really sad part about this, and I know from lots of experience, is she's telling all her girlfriends in college about you and how you can't take a hint and what an annoyance you are. I know because they've done it to me and I've found out about it. And she's also asking their advice on what to do. Hell, she may have even posted in another romance forum for advice on how to get you to take a hint.

 

Don't ever do this to a female again. Once, maybe twice within a month, give your message. If you don't get a reply...that's you're reply!!!

 

Keeping up this kind of thing is almost cruel because this girl is trying really, really hard not to have to come out and tell you she doesn't feel the same way.

[Bill]

I agree with Tony on this. That girl has already given you her answer to you. She does not want to be with you, but she does not want to say it right out. She is avoiding the situation entirely. It is time to move on.

[velvet]

Im so sorry it didnt work out. You do know that dont ya?

Yeah, shes not interested. Im sorry, I wish I could make it better for you. You just have to move past the emotional state on to the land of realization and be okay with it.

 

Its been a long time that youve longed for her! Ive let years slip by with the same situation.

[Bill]

do not contact this girl at all, it will never work. She's trying to let you down easy, but probably thinks of you as a fool. She has no respect for you.

[Pipboy]

Originally posted by Bill

do not contact this girl at all, it will never work. She's trying to let you down easy, but probably thinks of you as a fool. She has no respect for you.

 

Well...apparently people here aren't as supportive as I thought they would be. This is the second time you've told me this Bill. I think you made your point the first time. She must not be the only one who doesn't have any respect for me.

[Tony T]

You came here for dispassionate advice from people removed from the situation. Take it from a guy who's been there many, many times, people can see a lot more clearly when they are away from a situation than can those in the middle of it.

 

Support and honesty go hand in hand. If you want some weiner to tell you to sit around and this chick will fall back into your lap, you came to the wrong place.

 

What exactly is it you want from us here???

 

If you want the truth, you've got it.

 

Now, I support you in your grief. I have been there so many times I can show you the scars if you want to see them. I can also tell you I know exactly how you feel now because the truth hurts like holy hell. But you can't buy the kind of advice you are getting here. And we will support you in every way possible to get through your grief and get over this lady.

 

But, you don't have to listen to anybody. We will be here in a month...or six...or in a year or two. Whenever you discover that this lady is just plain NOT interested and this isn't going to happen for you, come back by and visit. We are here for you and we totally understand.

 

Personally, I can't tell you how many times I have been where you are now...chasing something that was never going to happen. I have been so embarassed about doing that. When I think back I would have given a million dollars for the advice of caring people who didn't want me to make a fool out of myself.

 

Again, from one who's been there, spending some time to find a nice lady you can have a mutually respectful and fulfilling relationship with is a lot better use of your time than trying to get someone to care about you who doesn't want to.

 

That fact is very hard to handle when you think you love somebody and you want them so bad...but they don't want you. I know exactly how you feel.

 

You'll realize all this at some point in the future and then you'll be able to give others good advice based on your experience.

 

I really hope you are able to resolve your feelings about this very soon.

[Pipboy]

...what you guys are doing for me at least. I really did need some one to tell me the truth about the matter. I've started to try and accept it now and I'm doing my best to move on.

 

My point is that in Bill's case I don't believe it was nessacary to twice post his views that I'm a fool and that I don't deserve her respect. I do know this girl a little better than you guys do, and I have talked to her since all of this. She still talks to me, we joke around and still get along just as good as before...she just doesn't bring this up and I never push it when I talk to her. If she disrespected me I don't think she would even talk to me.

 

I know I made a mistake by pursuing this, and you guys helped me to realize this...and I thank you. We are all human and we all make mistakes, I just don't like being constantly reminded of mine. I'm not going to be able to put his behind me if people keep bringing it to my attention. That's why I never responed to any of the first replys...I wanted to deal with it and not have to drag it up over and and over again.

 

So...end of story...lets drop this and not disscuss this particular mistake in my past...that is unless there is any one out here who still has the need to continualy rip my heart in to little pieces and toss them about the room.

[velvet]

There are many times I wanted to bless people out for hearing something that wont make things alright. But you did ask!

 

I feel you! I find that when I get involved in something that takes up time, it eases the pain. For two years, I allowed myslef to be heart broken. I Let someone toy with my emotions, to this very day he still tries. I can look down on it all now and I can thank my lucky stars I dont feel that way any longer.

 

I was never a person to go out and raise heck! But I now go out and paint the town red. That was my cure! I hope you find yours, friend!