Jump to content

Im attracted to a girl with a boyfriend. Advice wanted


Confused As Hell

Recommended Posts

Confused As Hell

Hey All,

 

About 8 months ago I really began to get to know my neighbor alot better. We've lived across the street from one another for five years, however we really never spoke much until last fall. In actuality I have had a crush on her for the entire time, I just never had the guts to talk to her. Well anyhow we talk alot, and have many things in common. We're around the same age(Im 20, and she is 19). We're studying similar courses and pursuing similar careers. We have many similar interests, as well as similar backgrounds(Not to mention her mother thinks im great)

 

Lately I have had weekly business out near where she works. So normally when im done I stop by and pay her what I normally intend to be a quick visit. However it usually turns into a 10-20 conversation. It's funny because whenever I visit it seems the last thing she actually does at work is work. She and I are mutually busy with school and the such, so sometimes that is the only time we get to chat. I just feel something clicks between us, I absolutely adore her. I sometimes feel that she has an interest in me. Hell, she even gave me a sizable discount when I came into her store to get my sister a birthday present(Which she helped pick out as well). I think the world of this young woman and I would really like to somehow express that to her. I have asked her out to coffee a few times, unfortunately our schedules prove difficult sometimes. So i'll usually just head over to her house to chat sometimes.

 

Problem is she has a boyfriend. He is a couple years older than she. I personally think he is a bum. Lives with his folks, doesnt work, doesnt go to college, etc. Maybe thats just jealousy speaking, I just think he is lazy.

 

She's been so busy lately that she doesnt get much time to spend with him. Normally when they do spend time together he just comes to her house and hangs around.

 

Anyhow to cut a long story short summer break is coming up in a few months and I would really like to pursue a deeper relationship with her. I don't want her to get the wrong impression that im just looking for sex or anything. I just think I have alot to offer her, and I extremely admire her and just cant stop thinking about her.

 

So do you people think I should just go for it? Or do you think its possible that her relationship will burn itself out and I should wait?

 

Thanks A Bunch

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hm, a difficult situation... You seem to be a very mature, respectful guy and surely she would see this. Unfortunately, many girls around her age prefer to get involved with more 'dangerous' (ie disastrous) types to try and push the boundaries a bit. I suspect that, given your decription of her boyfriend, this is her situation. You said you have asked her out for a coffee a few times but

 

you conflicting schedules prevented this from happening. Sorry mate, but it just sounds like she's not as keen as you. Anyone can fit in a coffee, no matter how much homework they have. And as for the discount she gave you at her store, try not to read too much into it. Friends do that all the time. It always seems to be YOU making the effort - going over to her house, to her workplace... I'm sure she enjoys your commpany, but her feelings for you clearly don't extend beyond friendship.

 

Of course it is frustrating not being able to pursue a "deeper relationship" with her, but you might just have to wait until she matures and realises that the man of her dreams is right under her nose. Don't force anything, you'll only scare her off. And no woman likes a guy who doesn't respect that they are in a relationship (no matter how crappy that relationship might seem to you). If you broach this subject with her she could get offended or embarresed and then you've also lost her friendship. I think you should try and back off a bit, maintain a bit of mystery, and be patient. Wait until you are more sure that her feelings are mutual. Good luck!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Take it slow and easy. Continue your "friendship" with this lady but be careful not to cross any boundaries. True, she has a boyfriend, but on the positive side, at least she is not married or engaged. Still, you must respect the fact that she has a significant other. The last thing you want to become is the guy she fools around with on the side---Or the guy she uses to make the current boyfriend jealous. If she's not willing to leave the man she's with first, than anything that evolves beyond a friendship is doomed to become nothing more than a "fling" anyway.

 

I agree with the post above. Continue to show interest but remain a gentlemen. When and if she finally leaves her current relationship, than you'll be free to pursue something more with her.

 

I admire the fact that this lady has not agreed to going out for coffee with you. It shows that she has integrity. She's probably very flattered by all the attention and the fact that her boyfriend hasn't confronted you by now means that she hasn't said anything to him yet. I'm sure she's already aware that you are interested in her. She hasn't pushed you away yet, or given you the old "well I like you as a friend but I already have a boyfriend" speach. So perhaps there is a chance for something more to transpire somewhere down the road.

 

Perseverance my friend! And may the best man win!

 

Hey All, About 8 months ago I really began to get to know my neighbor alot better. We've lived across the street from one another for five years, however we really never spoke much until last fall. In actuality I have had a crush on her for the entire time, I just never had the guts to talk to her. Well anyhow we talk alot, and have many things in common. We're around the same age(Im 20, and she is 19). We're studying similar courses and pursuing similar careers. We have many similar interests, as well as similar backgrounds(Not to mention her mother thinks im great) Lately I have had weekly business out near where she works. So normally when im done I stop by and pay her what I normally intend to be a quick visit. However it usually turns into a 10-20 conversation. It's funny because whenever I visit it seems the last thing she actually does at work is work. She and I are mutually busy with school and the such, so sometimes that is the only time we get to chat. I just feel something clicks between us, I absolutely adore her. I sometimes feel that she has an interest in me. Hell, she even gave me a sizable discount when I came into her store to get my sister a birthday present(Which she helped pick out as well). I think the world of this young woman and I would really like to somehow express that to her. I have asked her out to coffee a few times, unfortunately our schedules prove difficult sometimes. So i'll usually just head over to her house to chat sometimes. Problem is she has a boyfriend. He is a couple years older than she. I personally think he is a bum. Lives with his folks, doesnt work, doesnt go to college, etc. Maybe thats just jealousy speaking, I just think he is lazy. She's been so busy lately that she doesnt get much time to spend with him. Normally when they do spend time together he just comes to her house and hangs around. Anyhow to cut a long story short summer break is coming up in a few months and I would really like to pursue a deeper relationship with her. I don't want her to get the wrong impression that im just looking for sex or anything. I just think I have alot to offer her, and I extremely admire her and just cant stop thinking about her. So do you people think I should just go for it? Or do you think its possible that her relationship will burn itself out and I should wait? Thanks A Bunch
Link to post
Share on other sites

Continue being her friend and continue flirting somewhat as you have been doing. In a month or two, if she lasts that much longer with the boyfriend, make a statement like "if you didn't have a boyfriend, I'd really go for you" and then drop it. Let her go from there.

 

If she's very interested in you, she will drop the other guy in time. Sometimes ladies her age love to have a straight up, nice, intelligent friend like you around as a good buddy while they date a wild, undesireable like the one she's got.

 

You said her mother thinks you're great. Unfortunately, that can be the kiss of death when you like a lady her age. Many young girls would NEVER date a guy their parents really liked. Oh, yes, sometimes...but mostly they go for the ones their parents can't stand...and the more the parents dislike them, the stronger the bond gets until they grow up a little.

 

It's really not good policy to try to break up couples. That brings bad karma back to you and it's something you wouldn't want another guy doing to you. If she is crazy enough to stay in a relationship with a worthless bum, as you describe him, she may not be the kind of girl you want in your life right now. She's got a LOT of growing and maturing to do. And don't forget, you've had five full years to let your imagination run wild and paint a picture in your mind of who she is and what she's all about...and picture that is not painted with reality.

 

She may relate to you real well conversationally at this point because she sees you as a friend and neighbor. You may not even like her on a day to day dating basis.

 

Anyway, you've got to find out. Just keep playing your cards as you have and wait for the chance to move it. And do drop the hint I described earlier to let her know of your interest. But under no circumstances should you encourage her to break up with this guy or cheat on him with you.

 

I promise if you start downgrading her current boyfriend to her, she will care about him all the more and she will start identifying you as a parent figure. You can also bet that if she's got a boyfriend like the one you gave a description of, she is irrational, scatterbrained and not likely to go for a neat guy like you...not at this time.

 

Also, be prepared for the fact that for the last five years she may have had her eye on another guy and is looking forward to hooking up with him when her current relationship goes south. She does have that right.

 

Just be her good friend for now. Be friends. And, as a back up, go find you a nice girl who doesn't live across the street, who doesn't have a bum boyfriend, whose parents are particularly fond of you one way or the other and who will make you number one in her life.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I just read Jackie and Been There's posts and what they say is right on target. Pay close attention. I've been exactly where you are now and I just wish I had had them to advise me. The question is would I have paid attention? I was pretty dumb back in those days.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Confused As Hell

Im really focusing on the friend aspect at the moment. I always live by the motto that friends make the best lovers. However sometimes impatience gets the best of me. Nonetheless as much of a loser as I think her boyfriend is, I never express that to her. That would just be downright disrespectful to her.

 

I just figure she is a girl who has a plan with what she wants with her life. Eventually she is gonna get annoyed that her BF cant keep up, and frankly isnt willing to keep up.

 

I'll keep you folks up to date.

 

Thanks

 

Take it slow and easy. Continue your "friendship" with this lady but be careful not to cross any boundaries. True, she has a boyfriend, but on the positive side, at least she is not married or engaged. Still, you must respect the fact that she has a significant other. The last thing you want to become is the guy she fools around with on the side---Or the guy she uses to make the current boyfriend jealous. If she's not willing to leave the man she's with first, than anything that evolves beyond a friendship is doomed to become nothing more than a "fling" anyway.

 

I agree with the post above. Continue to show interest but remain a gentlemen. When and if she finally leaves her current relationship, than you'll be free to pursue something more with her. I admire the fact that this lady has not agreed to going out for coffee with you. It shows that she has integrity. She's probably very flattered by all the attention and the fact that her boyfriend hasn't confronted you by now means that she hasn't said anything to him yet. I'm sure she's already aware that you are interested in her. She hasn't pushed you away yet, or given you the old "well I like you as a friend but I already have a boyfriend" speach. So perhaps there is a chance for something more to transpire somewhere down the road. Perseverance my friend! And may the best man win!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I was also in this situation before. The girl's mother liked me. The girl liked me. Everything seemed fine. The boyfriend was a bum etc. What happened, after we dated, she ditched me for him again. You're going to learn that this will be a mistake if you try it. You may not even listen to this, as I did not listen to others when they told me not to try with her. Take it easy...

Hey All, About 8 months ago I really began to get to know my neighbor alot better. We've lived across the street from one another for five years, however we really never spoke much until last fall. In actuality I have had a crush on her for the entire time, I just never had the guts to talk to her. Well anyhow we talk alot, and have many things in common. We're around the same age(Im 20, and she is 19). We're studying similar courses and pursuing similar careers. We have many similar interests, as well as similar backgrounds(Not to mention her mother thinks im great) Lately I have had weekly business out near where she works. So normally when im done I stop by and pay her what I normally intend to be a quick visit. However it usually turns into a 10-20 conversation. It's funny because whenever I visit it seems the last thing she actually does at work is work. She and I are mutually busy with school and the such, so sometimes that is the only time we get to chat. I just feel something clicks between us, I absolutely adore her. I sometimes feel that she has an interest in me. Hell, she even gave me a sizable discount when I came into her store to get my sister a birthday present(Which she helped pick out as well). I think the world of this young woman and I would really like to somehow express that to her. I have asked her out to coffee a few times, unfortunately our schedules prove difficult sometimes. So i'll usually just head over to her house to chat sometimes. Problem is she has a boyfriend. He is a couple years older than she. I personally think he is a bum. Lives with his folks, doesnt work, doesnt go to college, etc. Maybe thats just jealousy speaking, I just think he is lazy. She's been so busy lately that she doesnt get much time to spend with him. Normally when they do spend time together he just comes to her house and hangs around. Anyhow to cut a long story short summer break is coming up in a few months and I would really like to pursue a deeper relationship with her. I don't want her to get the wrong impression that im just looking for sex or anything. I just think I have alot to offer her, and I extremely admire her and just cant stop thinking about her. So do you people think I should just go for it? Or do you think its possible that her relationship will burn itself out and I should wait? Thanks A Bunch
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...