Friends

[Jeff]

alright, my situation is this. over the past 7 months i have become good friends with a girl from my hometown here at college. she has a boyfriend who attends another college, which i don't care since i really enjoy or close friendship now. my dilemma is that she introduced me to her best-friend a while back who goes to another college (also from our hometown). i really like her and stuff and apparently she knows it, but i really can't do anythin about it since we are a while apart. we've talked a lot and i've gotten to know her better, so in a sense have started to become friends with her. she is still hung up on her ex who totally messes with her head. it annoys me to see it goin on, since he obviously doesn't really care for her the way he treats her. our mutual friend knows that i like her but she always seems to discredit her whenever her name comes up in our conversations. so i really dont know what to do. we will be done with school in a month, should i wait till then to say something to her, or how should i go about this.. also do you think as soon as someone sees you as a friend, there is no hope for furtherin a relationship? this came up with my close friend here once...your opinions?

[Tony T]

Your post is confusing to me so I will comment one sentence at a time so you'll know where I'm coming from.

 

1. "my dilemma is that she introduced me to her best-friend a while back who goes to another college (also from our hometown)."

 

OK, your lady friend with the boyfriend introduced you to a girl who goes to another college. The way you met this girl seems irrelevant to me but OK anyway.

 

2. "i really like her and stuff and apparently she knows it, but i really can't do anythin about it since we are a while apart."

 

This sentence implies you really like the girl you were introduced to. That's great. And you are right, there's not much you can do in a long distance situation. This should also be irrelevant since you obviously haven't dated her much because of the distance so why even think about her except for an occasional phone call?

 

3. "we've talked a lot and i've gotten to know her better, so in a sense have started to become friends with her."

 

You are still talking about the girl your lady friend introduced you to. Sounds great to me.

 

4. "she is still hung up on her ex who totally messes with her head. it annoys me to see it goin on, since he obviously doesn't really care for her the way he treats her."

 

This is not good and you shouldn't spend emotional energy on somebody who's still going through crap with an ex. Wait until that contact is completely over before you are anything more than a friend.

 

5. "our mutual friend knows that i like her but she always seems to discredit her whenever her name comes up in our conversations."

 

Well, she introduced the two of you. Ask her why she puts her friend down? Ask her why she would introduce you to a girl she doesn't think much of? Pretty weird. Sounds like your lady friend at school may be slightly jealous.

 

6. "so i really dont know what to do. we will be done with school in a month, should i wait till then to say something to her, or how should i go about this.."

 

OK, now which one do you want to say something to. If you're talking about the one who is some distance away, why would you bother saying anything. You don't know her well enough to say anything to her. Get a chance to date her a bit before you go off telling her heavy stuff.

 

7. "also do you think as soon as someone sees you as a friend, there is no hope for furtherin a relationship?"

 

Depends on the girl. If you are very skilled at seduction, you can get the President's wife. Some women may go for a friend, others not. But those who are not inclined to really resent a guy trying to move in through the back door like that. You are best off to let her make the first move. But she may never do that. So, you have to take the risk and bring up the subject. If she rejects the idea, just drop it cold right there.

 

8. "this came up with my close friend here once...your opinions?"

 

I always think it's best to be friends first but not everybody feels that way. Love is always a risk and if you looking for some easy guarantees here, you've come to the wrong forum.

 

Good luck.

[Jeff]

Hey thanks for responding... i wasn't lookin for guarantees, and i thank you for your insights. i was just lookin for someone else's opinion other then people that know the situtation. thank you again

Your post is confusing to me so I will comment one sentence at a time so you'll know where I'm coming from. 1. "my dilemma is that she introduced me to her best-friend a while back who goes to another college (also from our hometown)."

 

OK, your lady friend with the boyfriend introduced you to a girl who goes to another college. The way you met this girl seems irrelevant to me but OK anyway. 2. "i really like her and stuff and apparently she knows it, but i really can't do anythin about it since we are a while apart."

 

This sentence implies you really like the girl you were introduced to. That's great. And you are right, there's not much you can do in a long distance situation. This should also be irrelevant since you obviously haven't dated her much because of the distance so why even think about her except for an occasional phone call?

 

3. "we've talked a lot and i've gotten to know her better, so in a sense have started to become friends with her." You are still talking about the girl your lady friend introduced you to. Sounds great to me. 4. "she is still hung up on her ex who totally messes with her head. it annoys me to see it goin on, since he obviously doesn't really care for her the way he treats her." This is not good and you shouldn't spend emotional energy on somebody who's still going through crap with an ex. Wait until that contact is completely over before you are anything more than a friend. 5. "our mutual friend knows that i like her but she always seems to discredit her whenever her name comes up in our conversations."

 

Well, she introduced the two of you. Ask her why she puts her friend down? Ask her why she would introduce you to a girl she doesn't think much of? Pretty weird. Sounds like your lady friend at school may be slightly jealous.

 

6. "so i really dont know what to do. we will be done with school in a month, should i wait till then to say something to her, or how should i go about this.." OK, now which one do you want to say something to. If you're talking about the one who is some distance away, why would you bother saying anything. You don't know her well enough to say anything to her. Get a chance to date her a bit before you go off telling her heavy stuff. 7. "also do you think as soon as someone sees you as a friend, there is no hope for furtherin a relationship?" Depends on the girl. If you are very skilled at seduction, you can get the President's wife. Some women may go for a friend, others not. But those who are not inclined to really resent a guy trying to move in through the back door like that. You are best off to let her make the first move. But she may never do that. So, you have to take the risk and bring up the subject. If she rejects the idea, just drop it cold right there. 8. "this came up with my close friend here once...your opinions?" I always think it's best to be friends first but not everybody feels that way. Love is always a risk and if you looking for some easy guarantees here, you've come to the wrong forum. Good luck.