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Friends (again)


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Johnny the Fox

We are very very close and both already in unhappy relationships. We have told each other absolutely everything about each other. She will not leave her fiance altho she is not happy. I am ready to leave for her.

 

She has had very bad previous experiences from an early age and latterly (so bad I can't even tell you here), has very low self esteem and is very self conscious. I know we are right for each other and have told her how I feel many, many times. I suspect that she thinks we are right too but she says we can only ever be friends and thats all she wants. She will not entertain any discussion on it!

 

We call each other 3 or 4 times a day and email when we can't ring. We have been this close for well over 18 months now and have known each other well for 3 years. It doesn't feel like "friends" to me (it feels much closer than close friends)but how can I "win" her?

 

Help!!!!!!!

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You're nuts, man. You write "She has had very bad previous experiences from an early age and latterly (so bad I can't even tell you here), has very low self esteem and is very self conscious" yet you say you know you are right for each other...give me a break. Exactly what makes a lady like that "right" for you?

 

She is calling you because she comes from a HIGHLY dysfunctional environment and she's ONLY going to be comfortable going into a HIGHLY dysfunction environment. You are just comic relief, my friend, and she has basically told you so.

 

So buzz off this lady. She's been real honest with you and has done you the most major favor any women can do for a man...told you it ain't going to happen. Listen to her.

 

She told you that for a great reason. She know's she's screwed up and while you may be very attracted to her physically and you may get along very well with her on a superficial level, this gal will be very very major problems with you in a long term relationship.

 

Go out sometime this weekend and celebrate that you aren't getting your way here. Because if this gal, who had a rotten family life, has zero self esteem, is very self conscious and who is unhappy with her fiance but wants to stay with him should ever get interested in you, your life as you are living it now will end forever...or at least until you got away from her.

 

Gawd, you are the luckiest man on the planet. One day you will try like hell to get ahold of me to tell me that. Just write me a short email at: <e-mail address removed> I always love it when I can hit the reply button and just type in..."I told you so."

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I've got bad news for you.

 

Although you may care very deeply for this lady, she has also very plainly told you she is not interested in anything more than friendship. She should have backed off from even a friendship with you after learning you want more than that. She has not done so either because she is playing games with you or because of the other issues you described. Which brings me to my next point.

 

Why in the world would you want to be with someone who is unhappy, has very low self esteem and is very self conscious? Those three things are relationship killers and it is very, very unlikely it would be any different with you. That should be enough to discourage you from pursuing her at this time. On top of that, if she were really unhappy with her current guy she would breakup with him, wouldn't she?

 

As far as your unhappy relationship goes...if you are not happy, leave! You should not wait for someone else to come along so you can break up with her. If that's all you are waiting for...why?

 

You want to know what you can do to "win" her? The first thing is, breakup with your current girlfriend. This will increase your odds of getting together with the other girl by about .000000000000000000000000000001% The next thing you can do is stop talking to her so much or better yet stop talking to her at all and try to find someone who is happy, has ample self esteem and is less self conscious.

 

I know this is not what you wanted to hear, but waiting around for this girl to breakup with her current boyfriend, waiting for her or trying get her to like you more makes no sense.

 

You are barking up the wrong tree. Sorry.

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I'd like to virtually B*tch-Slap the both of you!

 

You're just as insecure and emotionally unstable as this girl if you are stringing your current partner along until you find a "happier" situation.

 

The truth is, until you learn that selfishness, dishonesty and love can not coexist within the same relationship, you will NEVER find happiness.

 

So tell us, what are telling the current girlfriend about the phone calls and email?...That she's just a "platonic" friend? Or are you hiding your dishonest intentions all together...telling her how much you love her while complaining to the other girl how unhappy you are?

 

Stop looking for excuses to justify your selfish motives. If you're truly unhappy, than quit all your whining and get of your current relationship before entertaining any fantasies about stepping into a new one.

 

What you and your "gal pal" have is not a friendship, it's called co -dependancy. Than again, maybe the two of you deserve each other. After all, you know what they say about "birds of a feather"...

 

Good luck to both of you koo-koos!

We are very very close and both already in unhappy relationships. We have told each other absolutely everything about each other. She will not leave her fiance altho she is not happy. I am ready to leave for her. She has had very bad previous experiences from an early age and latterly (so bad I can't even tell you here), has very low self esteem and is very self conscious. I know we are right for each other and have told her how I feel many, many times. I suspect that she thinks we are right too but she says we can only ever be friends and thats all she wants. She will not entertain any discussion on it! We call each other 3 or 4 times a day and email when we can't ring. We have been this close for well over 18 months now and have known each other well for 3 years. It doesn't feel like "friends" to me (it feels much closer than close friends)but how can I "win" her? Help!!!!!!!
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I'd like to virtually B*tch-Slap the both of you! You're just as insecure and emotionally unstable as this girl if you are stringing your current partner along until you find a "happier" situation. The truth is, until you learn that selfishness, dishonesty and love can not coexist within the same relationship, you will NEVER find happiness.

 

So tell us, what are telling the current girlfriend about the phone calls and email?...That she's just a "platonic" friend? Or are you hiding your dishonest intentions all together...telling her how much you love her while complaining to the other girl how unhappy you are? Stop looking for excuses to justify your selfish motives. If you're truly unhappy, than quit all your whining and get of your current relationship before entertaining any fantasies about stepping into a new one. What you and your "gal pal" have is not a friendship, it's called co -dependancy. Than again, maybe the two of you deserve each other. After all, you know what they say about "birds of a feather"... Good luck to both of you koo-koos!

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