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I am meeting w/ the old boyfriend of 3 years tonight to tell him I have gotten engaged to the new boyfriend of 7 months. We have maintained a friendship despite the fact that we broke up. He is intiating seeing me tonight. He called and told me he needed to talk to me so I figure I will tell him we just got engaged on Valentines Day. A small part of me is sad to see this old chapter of my life close. At one time I loved him, but he broke up w/ me after a lot of soul searching on his part he decided he did not love me anymore. Any advice for me?

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Show up on time, be nice, be courteous, listen to what he has to say, give him the good news, don't expect him to be extremely happy even though he'll say he is, go home and get a good night's sleep.

 

If I were you, I'd be most concerned about why he initiated seeing you tonight. (I am concerned about why you said first that you were meeting with him to announce your engagement when HE is the one who initiated the meeting. That's a rather odd coincidence). If he just wanted to get together with his lady buddy, that's nice. If he's decided he wants to reignite the old romance he had with you, I'd say his timing is pretty poor.

 

I have no idea what kind of advice you're looking for because none is called for. You just got engaged...you have no reason to be sad.

 

Just have a nice meeting and exercise good manners.

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If your ex initiated contact with the hope of getting back together with you, obviously he will be disappointed. Be kind and gracious, obviously don't make it more awkward for him than necessary ... but don't apologize either because you have nothing to apologize for or feel badly about.

 

If your ex initiated contact just to check in, he should be happy for your happiness, even if he feels some twinges of sadness (as, you say, you do).

 

If you feel you have to hide your happiness then this isn't a real friendship and it will be best to let it go. It's silly to maintain a relationship that just drains energy and complicates life. That's what whacky family members are for.

 

By the way, have you told your fiance about this meeting? Even though it's above the board, in his shoes I'd want to know.

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Right on, as always.

 

By the way, thanks to TONY...(@!*)...I need about 30 minutes on your couch. Got any room?

 

...haha

If your ex initiated contact with the hope of getting back together with you, obviously he will be disappointed. Be kind and gracious, obviously don't make it more awkward for him than necessary ... but don't apologize either because you have nothing to apologize for or feel badly about.

 

If your ex initiated contact just to check in, he should be happy for your happiness, even if he feels some twinges of sadness (as, you say, you do). If you feel you have to hide your happiness then this isn't a real friendship and it will be best to let it go. It's silly to maintain a relationship that just drains energy and complicates life. That's what whacky family members are for.

 

By the way, have you told your fiance about this meeting? Even though it's above the board, in his shoes I'd want to know.

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Its not sad to see this chapter close. Its beautiful!

 

Have you considered that this might be your last time that you see him? After all you will tell him that your engaged and he might not feel the need to keep up a r/s with you afterwards. For the sake of your new r/s this meeting should be to say "Goodbye".

 

I am meeting w/ the old boyfriend of 3 years tonight to tell him I have gotten engaged to the new boyfriend of 7 months. We have maintained a friendship despite the fact that we broke up. He is intiating seeing me tonight. He called and told me he needed to talk to me so I figure I will tell him we just got engaged on Valentines Day. A small part of me is sad to see this old chapter of my life close. At one time I loved him, but he broke up w/ me after a lot of soul searching on his part he decided he did not love me anymore. Any advice for me?
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YOU WRITE: "By the way, thanks to TONY...(@!*)...I need about 30 minutes on your couch. Got any room?"

 

Precisely what did you have in mind? I do have a headache tonight!

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ihhh.. don't u hate having those "what if this is the last time i ... " thoughts? maybe i'm overly sentimental but those always wreck me ...

Its not sad to see this chapter close. Its beautiful! Have you considered that this might be your last time that you see him? After all you will tell him that your engaged and he might not feel the need to keep up a r/s with you afterwards. For the sake of your new r/s this meeting should be to say "Goodbye".
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you know what sucks about some last times? when you don't realize it's the last time until after it happens. yeah, that sucks.

ihhh.. don't u hate having those "what if this is the last time i ... " thoughts? maybe i'm overly sentimental but those always wreck me ...
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i dont think that sux nearly as much as doing something u enjoy and knowing it's yr last time while u do it...

 

i'd rather just enjoy it and find out the bad news later on.

 

-yes

you know what sucks about some last times? when you don't realize it's the last time until after it happens. yeah, that sucks.
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I was referring to THERAPY!

 

Since you put a pin in my romantic bubble by suggesting Johnny's kind act may have been to cover up for something he had done; you set me back six of the twelve steps I had achieved towards recovering from my perpetual paranoia of men...LOL

 

Always admired Midori's intuitive advice, and figured a professional would cost me at least 75$ a pop!

 

Hmmmmm...Wonder if THAT'S tax deductible? :)

 

YOU WRITE: "By the way, thanks to TONY...(@!*)...I need about 30 minutes on your couch. Got any room?"

 

Precisely what did you have in mind? I do have a headache tonight!

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I met w/ my old boyfriend last night and told him I had just gotten engaged. He told me he was happy for me because he knew how much I wanted to be married and have children. He also reminded me how most marriages end in divorce. He also turned things back around on me and pointed out things that I had done wrong in our relationship and what I needed to work on in my new relationship. He huged me when we were done w/ dinner. I felt so sad. It was like we had said goodbye forever. He was the same person....nothing possitive had happened for me and he still did the same annoying things. How would you feel. I was hurt that he tried to tear me down. I wish he would have said Congradulations you were a good girlfriend to me.

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No matter how you slice it, no matter what he said, he was not entirely thrilled about you getting married. There's just a sort of weird feeling almost everybody gets when they hear an ex is getting married. I guess it's a natural thing.

 

No, he didn't need to cut you down and I'm very certain he didn't mean to. It was just one of his ways of dealing with the news you gave him. Dealing with his feelings was the ONLY thing he had to gain by telling you how to improve your current relationship and upcoming marriage. When he mentioned the divorce thing, again, that was just his way of dealing with that morsel of jealousy deep down in the pit of his stomach.

 

Fact is, most marriages don't end in divorce. Depending on what country you live it, the percentage goes as high as about 50 percent in the United States.

 

I am shocked that you would have expected any less than what you got. I think meeting with an ex to give him "great" news about your engagement to someone else is a little...well, I won't say lame...but not the greatest purpose of a meeting.

 

You really need to forget this guy. You wouldn't have been hurt at all if you would have been completely over him. It's not fair to your fiance to be hanging on to an ex, even by a thread.

 

This was a weird and awkward meeting for you that probably shouldn't have happened. But there were strange reasons both of you wanted it to. In your previous post, you were contradictory on who actually set it up. But it was really unnecessary.

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He obviously still harbors feelings for you, although rather twisted feelings.

 

Right now, this guy is a loser. Not just because he lost you as a potential girlfriend, but because he has lost the ability to manipulate your feelings. His comments about divorce and his analysis of your relationship skills were a last ditch effort to get you back one more time.

 

This should, once and for all, be conformation for you that he was definitely not the right guy for you. The things he said say a lot more about him than you. He is the one that needs to work on some things.

 

Don't take anything he said personally. You just have to shrug this off and continue on with this new phase of your life.

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I guess one small part of me still wanted him to tell me I was a good girlfriend and he was sorry for cheating on me. He did so many things wrong in the old relationship and he never told me he was sorry for any of them. Yet he still calls me once a week to check in and acts like nothing has ever changed between us? I don't understand. I really think that maybe I should not talk to him anymore.

No matter how you slice it, no matter what he said, he was not entirely thrilled about you getting married. There's just a sort of weird feeling almost everybody gets when they hear an ex is getting married. I guess it's a natural thing. No, he didn't need to cut you down and I'm very certain he didn't mean to. It was just one of his ways of dealing with the news you gave him. Dealing with his feelings was the ONLY thing he had to gain by telling you how to improve your current relationship and upcoming marriage. When he mentioned the divorce thing, again, that was just his way of dealing with that morsel of jealousy deep down in the pit of his stomach. Fact is, most marriages don't end in divorce. Depending on what country you live it, the percentage goes as high as about 50 percent in the United States. I am shocked that you would have expected any less than what you got. I think meeting with an ex to give him "great" news about your engagement to someone else is a little...well, I won't say lame...but not the greatest purpose of a meeting. You really need to forget this guy. You wouldn't have been hurt at all if you would have been completely over him. It's not fair to your fiance to be hanging on to an ex, even by a thread. This was a weird and awkward meeting for you that probably shouldn't have happened. But there were strange reasons both of you wanted it to. In your previous post, you were contradictory on who actually set it up. But it was really unnecessary.

 

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Rejoice!! Rejoice!! Rejoice!!

 

Be happy that you are with your current fiance' and not the old boyfriend. I think its natural that you want him to be happy for you, but its also natural that he would try to protect himself.....

 

So, move on, get on with your life....

 

Also, how would you feel if an EX of your fiance's called in once a week to check on him? I dont' think you or most people would feel OK.

 

I think you need to cut the ties and MOVE on.

 

Think of all the positive things coming up in your life;

 

A marriage, husband and little nino's.... you are one lucky lady. I think a lot of people want to be in your shoes!!! Congradulations on your engagement.

 

PS what's your ring like?

 

I met w/ my old boyfriend last night and told him I had just gotten engaged. He told me he was happy for me because he knew how much I wanted to be married and have children. He also reminded me how most marriages end in divorce. He also turned things back around on me and pointed out things that I had done wrong in our relationship and what I needed to work on in my new relationship. He huged me when we were done w/ dinner. I felt so sad. It was like we had said goodbye forever. He was the same person....nothing possitive had happened for me and he still did the same annoying things. How would you feel. I was hurt that he tried to tear me down. I wish he would have said Congradulations you were a good girlfriend to me.
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I think not talking to him is a very good decision you should have made a long time ago. There is no useful purpose in having contact with someone who cheated on you and at the same time does not hesitate to point out what he considers your shortcomings.

 

I do not see where he could possibly be anykind of good friend and I promise you your fiance would not endorse such a friendship.

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Tony made a good point:

It's not fair to your fiance to be hanging on to an ex, even by a thread.

And so did Rachel. How would you feel if your fiance was visiting his ex and talking to her on a weekly basis?

 

Does your fiance know of this so-called friendship with your ex? And are you sure about marrying this fiance of yours? I know that when I've found someone that I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with, I could care less about what my ex thought about it, or about me. In fact, he would be the last thing on my mind.

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After the end of a r/s both people should reflect on the past to see what areas are in need of improvment. Did he learn anything by you? Did you learn anything from him?

 

Than when you meet someone new and begain the r/s, you dont make the same mistakes that where made from the previous.

 

It sounds like he didnt learn anything from you. So it would be best to let him go. Do not think about him anymore. Your going to a much happier place now.

 

Congrats....

 

I think not talking to him is a very good decision you should have made a long time ago. There is no useful purpose in having contact with someone who cheated on you and at the same time does not hesitate to point out what he considers your shortcomings. I do not see where he could possibly be anykind of good friend and I promise you your fiance would not endorse such a friendship.
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He would have said Congratulations but he was thinking how much of a butthead that he was for letting you go in the first place and I think that he was very happy for you but he was jealous, maybe he cared more for you than he actually let one.

 

Either way it is his loss

 

Best of luck

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