Moving too slow!

[velvet]

I'm going through a time in my life where I dont want to get involved in a r/s or sex. I am dating a certain guy I find very nice,attractive, and I like his compnay. But I dont want to move on to anything real fast.

 

We have been dating for about a month and a week ago he told me the first night he saw me, he thought I was so attractive. Since than he calls me two and three times everyday.

 

I see him once a week, but he tires to see me more.

 

I dont want to play games with him. I need him to know that I'm not looking for a r/s or sex. I dont want to push him away, but he comes off to me like he wants to be close in a r/s sort of way.

 

We have gone out to eat several times, I want to do something nice for him. So, I decided to ask him over to my house for dinner. I have been a bit uncomfortable thinking about it, because inviting someone over seems very personal. I dont want things to get real personal btw us.

 

I want his friendship, & nothing elese at this time. How do I get this through to him without pushing him away or have him grow confused?

[BeenThere]

Just be honest, Velvet. That's all you can do. Otherwise you'd be stringing him along. Give him the opportunity to decide for himself how to process the information. Maybe a friendship with you right now will be enough. It's his choice to decide after that whether to proceed or not. If he chooses not to, well at least you haven't really lost anything except a potential good friend. Non of us should be selfish when someone else's emotions and feelings are involved. If you were that other person, wouldn't you want him to have enough respect for you to be truthful about his intentions? Just try to put yourself in his place for a moment a think about how you would him to handle it.

 

The dinner sounds great!...a good opportunity for a heart-to-heart. Hope everything works out...

I'm going through a time in my life where I dont want to get involved in a r/s or sex. I am dating a certain guy I find very nice,attractive, and I like his compnay. But I dont want to move on to anything real fast. We have been dating for about a month and a week ago he told me the first night he saw me, he thought I was so attractive. Since than he calls me two and three times everyday. I see him once a week, but he tires to see me more. I dont want to play games with him. I need him to know that I'm not looking for a r/s or sex. I dont want to push him away, but he comes off to me like he wants to be close in a r/s sort of way. We have gone out to eat several times, I want to do something nice for him. So, I decided to ask him over to my house for dinner. I have been a bit uncomfortable thinking about it, because inviting someone over seems very personal. I dont want things to get real personal btw us. I want his friendship, & nothing elese at this time. How do I get this through to him without pushing him away or have him grow confused?

[yes]

I think all you can do is have an honest talk with him. But before doing that, - are you sure you wouldn't wanna date him? Maybe you do, but just wanna take it very slow?

 

If you give him the friends speech, he's likely to get away from you... so think twice

 

good luck

 

-yes

I'm going through a time in my life where I dont want to get involved in a r/s or sex. I am dating a certain guy I find very nice,attractive, and I like his compnay. But I dont want to move on to anything real fast. We have been dating for about a month and a week ago he told me the first night he saw me, he thought I was so attractive. Since than he calls me two and three times everyday. I see him once a week, but he tires to see me more. I dont want to play games with him. I need him to know that I'm not looking for a r/s or sex. I dont want to push him away, but he comes off to me like he wants to be close in a r/s sort of way. We have gone out to eat several times, I want to do something nice for him. So, I decided to ask him over to my house for dinner. I have been a bit uncomfortable thinking about it, because inviting someone over seems very personal. I dont want things to get real personal btw us. I want his friendship, & nothing elese at this time. How do I get this through to him without pushing him away or have him grow confused?

[velvet]

Well, as I had said earlier, I was afraid to go through with inviting him over for dinner. After asking him I had this feeling come over me, that said dinner at my house, sounds too personal.

 

Well we had dinner, turned out great. I havent cooked a meal since I've been single, I felt out of practice. It was good, conversation was good. Afterwards I cleaned up a little bit and fixed us both a drink. After a couple drinks, we decided to go out. We went to a dance club and he ordered more drinks. We sat and talked a little, he asked if I wanted to get on the dance floor. Well I go out with my girls clubbing, but I wasnt ready to get "personal" again by dance with this guy. My mind as at a strange place right now, where I dont want to get involved with any emotion right now. Even dancing with a man makes me uncomfortable.

 

Anyway afterward we come back to my place, I was hot, I took of my jacket. Underneath I just had a tank on. I kicked my shoes off and sat on the couch. Well about a half hour went by and we sat and watched some tv. I was growing tierd so I laid back on the couch. He asks if Im tired. I reply yes. So he says I'm going to go and as I'm trying to sit up he comes almost like diving on to me. He stops as Im situating myself upright. He gets on his knees, and leans in. I backed up. I said I'm not ready.

 

He calls me three times a day. Now is trying to get me to go on a trip to Georgia with him. And tells me he will call me tomorrow to see if I go out with him and his best friend and others. Well at the dance club earlier he tells me that his best friend cant wait to meet me? What??????????

 

Why???????????????? Why Me?????????????????????

 

I like him I wanted time, I feel weirded out about him now.I wonder if I should let him go, or try to continue getting to know him and just hang out with him as friend for now. Any Advice??????????

 

Thanks

[Miss Mojo]

hi velvet,

 

does this guy know exactly how you feel about a relationship at the moment?

 

i think at this point in time you have no choice but to be 100% honest with him.

 

don't be afraid of burning your bridges. you are more likely to do that by not being upfront with him. if you are not honest with him about how you feel, you will face more discomfort by continuing things than you ever will by telling him *now*. please do not lead him on. things will only get worse if you do. things will become *extremely* awkward if you leave him in the dark.

 

it is much better to be honest with a person early in the piece than it is later on when they feel they have reason to trust you and *then* you spill the beans.

 

he has the right to know exactly where he stands with you. it's only fair and let's face it....we all appreciate an honest person, even if it does hurt a little.

 

best wishes

[Tony T]

Did anybody ever tell you about a thing called communication? The birds do it...some fish do it...animals in the forest do it...and so can you.

 

Tell this guy EXACTLY where you are emotionally and EXACTLY where you are in relation to him. Let him know in a kind and discrete way that you would like to get to know him better but that you may move more slowly than other ladies he's used to going out with.

 

Inform him that you will let him know when you feel the relationship has progressed to the point you will feel comfortable going out of town with him...if it ever gets to that point.

 

Also tell him that sex is very special to you and it's something that you don't take lightly and that you move slowly in that area as well.

 

Many men will go as absolutely far and as absolutely fast as they can get by with and that's just their nature. It's up to you to set the pace. The very best way to do that is with good, solid, clear communication.

 

If you aren't up to the task, stop dating and get a dog. A dog won't call you a nauseating three times a day, either. EEWWWW!!! Somebody needs to talk to this guy about seduction technique...he's very bad!!!

 

Meanwhile, you should continue seeing this guy if he will respect your wishes, give you space and respect your boundaries. If he won't, by all means dump him at your earliest opportunity. If he's just out for a roll in the hay, you may as well find out now.

 

And, no, don't hang out with him as a friend. He doesn't want just a friendship. You might find out he doesn't want any kind of friendship...he just wants your body. If you don't talk to him about this, you'll never know. Maybe he just wants change for a dollar.

[Paulie]

Tony's right on target. I can see why you would be a bit taken back by this whole thing...he is being a bit pushy, maybe seeming a bit desperate. BUT, you need t communicate to him that you like him, and just want to slow down a bit. If he keeps being overbearing, then you can cut him loose.