confused Posted February 16, 2002 Share Posted February 16, 2002 I need some advice. I have a close circle of friends and have recently developed a crush on one of them. I've spent the past few months fantasizing about what it would be like to date him, to the point where I cannot concentrate on developing other relationships. I am not flirtatous by nature, so he probably is clueless about the fact that my feelings have changed. I need to know if I should be direct and tell him I am interested in more than friendship. I do not want to loose these friends or alienate this one in particular. I am in limbo, unable to move on with life. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted February 16, 2002 Share Posted February 16, 2002 Hi! I'm not sure how to approach this guy - Tony will probably give advice on that - but I just wanna warn you that the transition friends-lovers is very difficult, even if both sides are attracted to each other. There's sort of a set relationship between u two - friendship - that u'r both used to, and it's weird and hard to start treating each other like lovers would. Also, keep in mind that whether or not the transition goes well, it will take a LONG time (if ever) to go back to friendship if u ever wanna do so. So think VERY carefully before you make a move on him... Don't do it just cuz u wanna date him... do it only if u think a serious relnship can come out of this ... If i were u, i'd probably try to find someone else first, and if your mind just keeps on coming back to this guy - then try him... Best of luck, -yes I need some advice. I have a close circle of friends and have recently developed a crush on one of them. I've spent the past few months fantasizing about what it would be like to date him, to the point where I cannot concentrate on developing other relationships. I am not flirtatous by nature, so he probably is clueless about the fact that my feelings have changed. I need to know if I should be direct and tell him I am interested in more than friendship. I do not want to loose these friends or alienate this one in particular. I am in limbo, unable to move on with life. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
BeenThere Posted February 16, 2002 Share Posted February 16, 2002 I agree with "yes" on this one. I've seen it time and time again. While it *is* possible for two friends to move forward and become lovers, that step backward from lover to friend can be very difficult one...and "short-lived" should one of you find another partner who becomes threatened by your association. Most people can tolerate a friendship between their lover and an opposite-sex friend so long as the association between the two has always remained 'platonic.' But if that association is with someone they were once intimate with, it creates insecurities, jealousies and problems for everyone involved. And usually, it's the ex-lover-turned-friend who ends up the ousted member of this uncomfortable threesome. It's a gamble, so consider carefully what's at risk. I need some advice. I have a close circle of friends and have recently developed a crush on one of them. I've spent the past few months fantasizing about what it would be like to date him, to the point where I cannot concentrate on developing other relationships. I am not flirtatous by nature, so he probably is clueless about the fact that my feelings have changed. I need to know if I should be direct and tell him I am interested in more than friendship. I do not want to loose these friends or alienate this one in particular. I am in limbo, unable to move on with life. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted February 16, 2002 Share Posted February 16, 2002 By the way... if u find u cannot get yourself out of the 'limbo', maybe it's better to talk to the guy and have the deal resolved. It happened to me recently - except the guy made a move - but i also liked him for a long time - and it didn't work out, and yes, i lost him as a friend as well (for now at least) BUT im also happy to have resolved this issue, i can now move forward without regrets. Just something else to think about ... Hi! I'm not sure how to approach this guy - Tony will probably give advice on that - but I just wanna warn you that the transition friends-lovers is very difficult, even if both sides are attracted to each other. There's sort of a set relationship between u two - friendship - that u'r both used to, and it's weird and hard to start treating each other like lovers would. Also, keep in mind that whether or not the transition goes well, it will take a LONG time (if ever) to go back to friendship if u ever wanna do so. So think VERY carefully before you make a move on him... Don't do it just cuz u wanna date him... do it only if u think a serious relnship can come out of this ... If i were u, i'd probably try to find someone else first, and if your mind just keeps on coming back to this guy - then try him... Best of luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
max Posted February 17, 2002 Share Posted February 17, 2002 I happen to believe that a friend is where you search for a significant other. If it is a close friend, you already have developed communication. Be up front and open. If it is not his wish to have anything other than a friend, he will tell you. If it hurt the friendship, there was not much of a friendship to begin with! It should be a nice compliment to him!! I need some advice. I have a close circle of friends and have recently developed a crush on one of them. I've spent the past few months fantasizing about what it would be like to date him, to the point where I cannot concentrate on developing other relationships. I am not flirtatous by nature, so he probably is clueless about the fact that my feelings have changed. I need to know if I should be direct and tell him I am interested in more than friendship. I do not want to loose these friends or alienate this one in particular. I am in limbo, unable to move on with life. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
Karlee Posted February 18, 2002 Share Posted February 18, 2002 Yes most definitely friends can turn into lovers..... In my own personal relationship I was working with a guy and we got to be good friends and at first it was just going for a coffee and then a movie and now we have been together for about four years. When just being friends first you find out more about this person, you get to see how they react to certain things and how they do things and act in certain situations...This is how I feel in love with my b/f Dave. We at first did not want a relationship because we worked together and thought that it would be awkward, but found out once we really knew each other that we could not keep our hands off each other. Because work had a policy that couples could not be together we both left the company and moved on to better paying and better jobs and in the end everything turned out for the best.Our bond is stronger I think because we got to know each other for a long time before our friendship turned into a relationship. My advice is to go for it Link to post Share on other sites
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