desperataly seeking advice please

[dangergirl69]

Okay,

 

here's the deal...I think I have totally fallen for my ex's best friend. Trust me ...I didn't mean for it to happen and I have done anything about it yet. You see I still hang out with my ex like every day...we're best friends. My ex's friend totally keeps giving me hints that he seriously likes me too, but wwe keep avoiding the topic or we're afraid to bring it up...so first how do I bring this up with the guy, and secondly I think my ex will freak if anything came of it. But I really wanna be with this guy and its totally innocent....i've known both of these guys for 5 years and I don't wanna hurt anyone, but at the same time I have a feeling that this guy could be the one and I don't wanna risk losing him.

 

Help!

 

Sincerely

 

Dangergirl69

[Tony T]

You really don't have much choice here. If this guy could be the one, you can't just pass him up.

 

How long has it been since you and your ex broke it off? If your ex still has a flame for you, it's extremely cruel for you to still be hanging around him.

 

You need to talk to your ex and, don't ask, but tell him you'd like to see your other friend and explore where it may go. Hey, your ex had a chance...why shouldn't his (and your) friend? To spare your ex's feelings (jealousy, etc.), don't tell him just how flipped you are over his friend. Just tell him you'd like to go out with him. There is no telling what his reaction will be. He could get mad. He could tell you not to. He could tell you it would destroy your friendship with him. Or he could tell you to go for it.

 

If your ex really cares about you as a friend, he will give you his best wishes and tell you to go for it. If he's not very mature and he really doesn't care about your happiness, he will get all bent out of shape.

 

If he says no, or gets all pissed, he's not your friend or his buddy's friend so the two of you wouldn't have lost much anyway. if he's really your friend, he'll want what is best for you and what will make you happy. And, besides, he'll get over it in time if he's any kind of rational human being...and the friendship could be restored.

 

Just be darned sure this guy is one you want to see and have a future with. If that's the case, talk to your ex in advance in the way I told you above and then go for it.

 

This is always a sticky situation but if your feelings are this strong, you have no choice. Just don't rub this in your ex's face by hanging around with him and his friend...at least not for a while. Do your dating in places where your ex doesn't go. Be discrete for a while until your ex can get used to this.

 

Do what you feel you have to do, just be mature and do it with some class and discretion.

[velvet]

If you think it will make your ex uncomfortable than give it some more time to fall into place. Dont rush it.

 

It may be better for this guy to ask you out. He should get your ex boyfirends okay. You shouldnt make the first move. But there is no reason why you too can talk about it alone first. To get an idea of where the r/s will be going.

 

You really don't have much choice here. If this guy could be the one, you can't just pass him up. How long has it been since you and your ex broke it off? If your ex still has a flame for you, it's extremely cruel for you to still be hanging around him. You need to talk to your ex and, don't ask, but tell him you'd like to see your other friend and explore where it may go. Hey, your ex had a chance...why shouldn't his (and your) friend? To spare your ex's feelings (jealousy, etc.), don't tell him just how flipped you are over his friend. Just tell him you'd like to go out with him. There is no telling what his reaction will be. He could get mad. He could tell you not to. He could tell you it would destroy your friendship with him. Or he could tell you to go for it. If your ex really cares about you as a friend, he will give you his best wishes and tell you to go for it. If he's not very mature and he really doesn't care about your happiness, he will get all bent out of shape. If he says no, or gets all pissed, he's not your friend or his buddy's friend so the two of you wouldn't have lost much anyway. if he's really your friend, he'll want what is best for you and what will make you happy. And, besides, he'll get over it in time if he's any kind of rational human being...and the friendship could be restored.

 

Just be darned sure this guy is one you want to see and have a future with. If that's the case, talk to your ex in advance in the way I told you above and then go for it. This is always a sticky situation but if your feelings are this strong, you have no choice. Just don't rub this in your ex's face by hanging around with him and his friend...at least not for a while. Do your dating in places where your ex doesn't go. Be discrete for a while until your ex can get used to this. Do what you feel you have to do, just be mature and do it with some class and discretion.