Just being friends!

[Maxster]

Hello again! I'm in a real binder right now and I need some advice. I just finished speaking to my ex on the phone and I'm truly devestated. Our conversation started out pretty well but then the topic changed. We started talking about how nice things were when we were together and all that. Then (stupid me), I asked if there is a chance that we'll get back together. She said she is happy the way things are right now and that she doesn't need a relationship at this time. She wants to be friends but I said that can't happen because there is too much feelings involved. It upset her a bit because she really wants to be my friend. How can I do that after being together so long (4 years)? Is that kind of unfair of her to say that? Plus, the only reason why she is calling me is to check up and see if I'm alright! Now, I'm almost 28 and I've been able to take care of myself ever since I started to walk! I'm so angry yet sad to hear all this from her. I feel as if I stepped a few months back of healing from this. Please I need some help!

[Tony T]

Sorry you chose to get angry. I personally see no reason for you to upset yourself. Your ex is not thinking the same way as you. She obviously was not as deeply in love with you or she may have been but is no longer but wants to preserve some part of the relationship with a friendship.

 

If you explain to her that you need time to get through things emotionally before you could ever entertain a friendship thing...if ever at all...she would surely understand. She just doesn't realize at what stage you are emotionally right now or she would not have brought up the friendship thing.

 

Cool your jets and thank your lucky stars that she even wants to bother with being your friend. Friends are forever so she must have a great fondness for you that transcends the impermanence of many romantic relationships. If you have let her know you are angry at her, you should call her and apologize. She has paid you a high compliment, albeit her timing was off.

[arthropod98]

i've got a slightly different response here.

 

i think you need to just get yourself some DISTANCE from her! if you still have feelings for her, there is just absolutely NO WAY you can just ignore all those feelings and be her friend -- you're RIGHT, it just CAN'T HAPPEN!!!

 

believe me, i've been there, and this won't work! if she's upset . . . well, SORRY for her, but that's the way it works here! i think it's selfish of her to think you can just stop having feelings for her.

 

so, my advice is to just stay away -- if she calls again, keep it short and simple, and tell her that!

 

GOOD LUCK, and do NOT let yourself me "hung onto" . . . it's NO GOOD for you!!!

Hello again! I'm in a real binder right now and I need some advice. I just finished speaking to my ex on the phone and I'm truly devestated. Our conversation started out pretty well but then the topic changed. We started talking about how nice things were when we were together and all that. Then (stupid me), I asked if there is a chance that we'll get back together. She said she is happy the way things are right now and that she doesn't need a relationship at this time. She wants to be friends but I said that can't happen because there is too much feelings involved. It upset her a bit because she really wants to be my friend. How can I do that after being together so long (4 years)? Is that kind of unfair of her to say that? Plus, the only reason why she is calling me is to check up and see if I'm alright! Now, I'm almost 28 and I've been able to take care of myself ever since I started to walk! I'm so angry yet sad to hear all this from her. I feel as if I stepped a few months back of healing from this. Please I need some help!