Abandon friendship

[axisdenied]

I'm trying to decide the healthiest course of action for my friendship. We met about six months ago and got close pretty quickly. Our time spent was enjoyable until he started harboring feelings for me. Here's what happened:

 

I told him from the outset that I was gay. Unfortunately, in a moment of drunken sillyness, I slept with him, prefacing the whole event with an explanation of what sex with men meant to me (physicality). When it became clear that it meant more to him than it did to me I resolved to keep the friendship platonic and not begrudge him his feelings toward me. I figured that even if he had fallen in love with me, which he claims happened, that eventually those feelings would subside as the friendship evolved in a non-romantic capacity.

 

For the next few months, he was a good sport about the situation. We spent time together alone and with mutual friends and became nearly inseparable since we worked and had all of our classes together. He really is a fantastic guy with many admirable qualities, but I am pretty upset with him right now and am considering abandoning the friendship for the following reasons -

 

He has taken to arguing and personally attacking me over the fact that I won't sleep with him again. He seems to think that I owe it to him, or that I am somehow responsible for his feelings. No matter how much I suggest to him that he should try to date a woman who will completely appreciate him, he won't do it. When he flunked himself out of school, he opted to stay in town because I am here and many of his behaviors are downright obsessive. I feel like I am feeding the beast by continuing to spend time with him because he won't take constructive steps toward helping himself.

 

We don't spend as much time together as we used to and nearly every time we get together anymore the evening turns disasterous because he keeps questioning me about why I'm not attracted to him. As you can imagine, the more he puts me through this same conversation, the more hurtful I have to be with my reasons. I hate having to do that.

 

I pose this to the group in search of your creative advice. Thank-you for reading.

[ElvenPriestess]

Let me get this straight. You're a woman, gay. He's a straight man, and he doesn't get why you're not attracted to him?

 

Assuming I'm understanding that, he sounds odd to me, the fact that he'd become so attached to some one he knows can't reciprocate his feelings and desires. He is obsessive, and it's not healthy for either of you. I don't think he can be just your friend.

 

I can see why you feel the need to sort of force him to let you go. I think given everything you've described you are left with little other choice.

[Ocean-Blue]

He obviously doesn't get it. I would end the friendship - especially if he's resorted to personal attacks and emotional blackmail.

[axisdenied]

for your advice. I tried to be as objective as I could in posting this and even with that the solution is staring me in the face. Unfortunate, but it is what it is.

 

Peace,

a