crzyblndstar Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 I was in a relationship for 2 years with my sons father. He was mentally and emotionally abusive to me for all of those 2 years. He wouldn't let me have any friends, he controlled what I did, made everything my fault, started trying to put down my family, etc. He was your typical narcisistic (sp) abuser. He only got physically abusive one time and that was the last time because I left after that and never looked back. This has been approximately 8 months ago. Since then, I have been happy being single and enjoying the freedom that I have, being able to finally do what I want again and having fun with friends. I was literally MISERABLE for 2 years, so I have definately enjoyed the past 8 months. My problem is, that about 2 months ago I got back in touch with my first love. I met him when I was 16 and we spent 6 years together. We hadn't spoken in 3 years until he just recently got back in touch with me. We started out just emailing each other and then we eventually hung out, and now we have been seeing each other almost everyday. This scares the sh*t out of me. I don't know why. He is so nice and sweet to me, and would do anything to make me happy. I don't think he ever quit loving me and wanting me back. So why is it that every time he talks about being exclusive or wanting to be in a relationship, I get completely freaked out? I mean to the point where I can't think straight, and I get really anxious and feel like someone is sucking all of the air out of me. It's like I can't even stand the thought of someone expecting something out of me or wanting to know what I'm doing or having any sort of rules. I dont want to give up the freedom I have now or worrying about telling anyone else what I am doing. Is this something that is caused by the abusive relationship? Or am I simply not ready to be back in a relationship? I have tried to tell him that I need to get my head straight before anything can come of this, but how do I do that? I am scared to death of commitment now and I have never had this problem before. Has anyone else experienced being scared of another relationship after getting out of an abusive one? I would love some feedback because I am utterly confused and I want to know that it can get better, and I won't be like this forever. Please help!! Link to post Share on other sites
FELIZE Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 It probably is too soon! That's why you have reservations about gettin into another relationship, (because of the situation you just came out of) I would just continue to tell him that you just want some "me time" right now to get your head clear, and If he's into you like you say, then he should understand & be willing to wait for you. Ahhhhh.........It's nothing like the taste of Freedom! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 ditto what felice said, that you subconsciously understand that this is happening too quickly for you. I also wonder if maybe you are questioning relationships right now because what you experienced with your ex makes you feel unworthy of being in one with someone who is a decent guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author crzyblndstar Posted October 20, 2006 Author Share Posted October 20, 2006 I dont know if that I feel unworthy, but I feel like I an uncapable of giving him what he wants right now. I don't know maybe that is the same thing. I literally feel like I am going to have an anxiety attack everytime he tries to talk to me about being committed to him. I am so scared that I am going to lose my freedom again and I don't want to have to answer to anyone. I do believe that this all stems from my horrible relationship that I had. I mean I was literally miserable for 2 years. I know that he would never treat me the way my ex did, but for some reason I cannot get past it. Will I ever get over this? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 I think so, but you're going to have to tread gently when you explain to him that it's much too soon for you and you need to get your bearings before you can commit to a new relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crzyblndstar Posted October 20, 2006 Author Share Posted October 20, 2006 Unfotunately I have tried to explain all of this to him and it seems like he just doesn't get it. He keeps telling me that we don't have to put a "label" on things but if we are going to continue what we do have, then he doesn't want me to see anyone else and he still wants to see me everyday. To me, that is almost exactly like being in a relationship. I don't want to give up on him completely, but I wish he would just give me some time. He always says he doesn't understand why I stayed in an abusive relationship as long as I did because he knows that I am stronger than that. Which to me tells me that he doesn't understand what happens in a relationship like that, which Im sure that no one does unless they have been in one. So he just doesn't understand what it takes to get over a relationship like that. I don't know what else to do to make him understand. Link to post Share on other sites
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