I wonder if I'm being paranoid or if he's hiding something from me.

[Anonymous]

I've been living with my boyfriend for two years, and everything was going well, but for the past few weeks he's been more distant, going out more often, and always keeping his phone with him.

I don't want to be intrusive, but I have this constant doubt.

Do you think it's better to talk about it directly or find a discreet way to check before blowing everything up?

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Anonymous said:

but for the past few weeks he's been more distant, going out more often, and always keeping his phone with him.

Have you talked to him about this? 

[Sanch62]

5 hours ago, Anonymous said:

Do you think it's better to talk about it directly or find a discreet way to check before blowing everything up?

Talking depends on your approach. The term 'confront' is a very strong word that automatically positions two people as adversarial, so I wouldn't do that. Instead, I would tell my partner that I view us a being on the same side, and I notice things have been different between us lately. I'd ask if he's willing to speak with me about this.

If he's defensive and not willing to go there, then there's no reason to snoop, that's his answer, and it would tell me what I'd need to know. If he tells you yes, but not now, then I'd back off and let him work through his own stuff to see whether he does that and normalizes, or not. If he's open and is willing to talk, then you'll learn what's going on with him.

Any way he slices it, I'd keep my focus on what is happening between the two of you rather than go snooping to find something to accuse him of. If I ever reached that point of mistrust in a partner, THAT would be all I'd need to know. I'd base my decisions on his treatment of me rather than debase myself by behaving in ways I'd be ashamed of. Keep your integrity, and you will thank yourself.

[BreakOnThrough]

Go behind his back and your relationship is over 100%, talk to him directly and you have a better chance.  If you don't trust him after, move on.

[Bassthumper]

The Phone...

When I "Was" in a relationship i never took my phone everywhere i went or went outside when the phone rang to talk. I never had anything to hide so if she ever went thru my phone when i left its all good. 

[MsJayne]

Often a change in behaviour patterns can signify that something is up. Buy a cheap tracking device and pair it with your 'phone, install it on his car somewhere, and then see where he's spending his time. Or you can just ask him why he's suddenly changed his behaviour patterns, but if he's up to something he'll probably lie. 

[Bassthumper]

If you feel that you have to play Columbo then it's not worth it. 

[Gebidozo]

Finding a discreet way to check your partner’s activities is disrespectful to your partner and your relationship.

If there is no trust in a relationship to a degree that you feel compelled to go behind your partner’s back to check on them, that relationship is not worth having.

Ask him directly what’s going on and either believe him when he gives you a reassuring explanation, or break up with him if you think he’s lying.

[Fidelity]

You can try to check discreetly before talking about it. There are websites that offer fidelity tests, where you have someone contact your partner without them knowing.
I've heard of one called fidelitytester.com. It's pretty mild, no trashy traps, just a scenario to see how they react.

[ginner]

On 11/15/2025 at 4:41 PM, Fidelity said:

You can try to check discreetly before talking about it. There are websites that offer fidelity tests, where you have someone contact your partner without them knowing.
I've heard of one called fidelitytester.com. It's pretty mild, no trashy traps, just a scenario to see how they react.

I wish they had such things where I live. I'd have used it earlier instead of finally finding out that she's cheating, after suspecting her for years.