A guy I met in a bar coming back to visit after a year

[lynn89]

So I met this guy on a night out last summer it was a brief encounter really, nothing happened he asked for my number we chatted for about an hour. He had a week left on vacation where I'm from but we couldn't meet up as I run a business and hadn't the time. He went home i didn't hear from him so I decided to start up the conversation. We've been talking on and off not very consistently since last July but only dm'd on Instagram we've never called each other or facetimed. I suggested numerous times that he come back for a visit but he says hes always said he's definitely coming back hopefully sooner than later and that he has sabbatical to take this year (not saying when). He said he was gonna come back in March to visit but no dates were solidified so I messaged him a week or two later asking was he returning he said he had a ski trip planned with friends. So I left things, he does most of the reaching out anyway as I feel he knows my intentions but his are not so clear he doesn't give much clarity as to what is going on and I don't wanna really upset the dynamic either. He sporadically sends like places to eat or visit in my home town with no context he sends me things he thinks id appreciate I'll respond but sometimes just like a the response or doesn't respond for up to 2 weeks. I sometimes feel he build me up to let me down. So I recently decided to unfollow him on Instagram and a week later I got a message saying 'hey how are I'm planning a trip across the pond in July' not saying what for but I responded probably stupidly with great id love to see you . I asked for dates he gave me vague one said he would give me definite ones soon. That was a few days ago I haven't heard since. Just want to see what everyone thinks about it?

Thanks

[basil67]

You live far away from each other and are only in contact sporadically.  What exactly are your intentions?   How does he build you up?

I think that when he visits, he'll view it as catching up with someone he met once on a night out.  And possibly hope to get laid.  He may even hope for free accommodation

 

[lynn89]

thanks for the response. I'd like to take things further I know I don't know him that well. He said he's started to look for places to stay not sure if that was him looking for an invitation you could be right 

[stillafool]

Why not try to date guys closer to where you live so you can have a real relationship?

[lynn89]

I have I'm currently on a dating app but they just haven't made it past the first date. This guy just keeps coming back

[ExpatInItaly]

18 hours ago, lynn89 said:

I'd like to take things further

I think you're barking up the wrong tree. 

He doesn't appear to have the same interest as you, so I would personally let this go. He is fine keeping in casual touch and will meet up if you happen to be in each other's areas., but that's it. 

Don't keep waiting and getting your hopes up. It will be a massive waste of your time and you will be disappointed in the end. 

[Sanch62]

Sounds like he's a traveler who keeps many casual contacts around the world to set up accommodations when he's in their area. 

If you want to roll the dice and engage further, it's not against the law. It just sounds as though you have something more serious in mind than he does.

Edited May 30 by Sanch62

[ExpatInItaly]

33 minutes ago, Sanch62 said:

Sounds like he's a traveler who keeps many casual contacts around the world

Yes, I recognize myself in this, too (woman here) 

I frequently travel and have met many people along the way. I have kept in touch with some of them, and if I know I am going to be in their areas again, I usually reach out to see if we can connect. It has never been about trying to start a relationship with any of them, even though I'd had a couple fun flings with one or two local men. 

I don't think this guy has any idea that you've attached so many hopes to this, OP. I get the strong impression you're just one of many folks he's met and remained somewhat friendly with. That's all. 

[flitzanu]

sounds like he has communicated just enough with you so that he can have easy sex when he visits your area and then be able to leave and not see you anymore.

and then if he visits again he can do the same thing.

[lynn89]

Yeah so update he unfollowed me a week later and I hadn't heard from him for 2 weeks. Then I get a msg saying sorry for not responding. I told him it was my bday next month if he's still interested in a catch he said he'll know for sure this week. You think he was just testing the waters to see how I reacted to him unfollow? 

[basil67]

Kindly, it sounds like you're scraping the bottom of the barrel - the guy is barely interested

[MsJayne]

2 hours ago, lynn89 said:

I told him it was my bday next month if he's still interested in a catch

What do you want for your birthday? To give him free accommodation and sex and then be ghosted? 

[lynn89]

Definitely not hes given dates in July but said he'll know for sure this week. 

[basil67]

6 hours ago, lynn89 said:

Definitely not hes given dates in July but said he'll know for sure this week. 

There is no reason to believe this man is interested in anything more than free accommodation and maybe sex.   And because you're chasing him, you aren't getting a real feel for his true interest level.  

Just leave the ball in his hands for a bit

[ExpatInItaly]

On 6/11/2025 at 5:42 AM, lynn89 said:

You think he was just testing the waters to see how I reacted to him unfollow? 

I don't think he cares that much.

You keep framing this as it you have dated. There is nothing with this man but a casual friendship. I really think it will be best for you to stop all communication, because you seem to be attaching too much importance to every interaction with him and your hopes are going to be dashed. How will you really  feel if he comes to visit, you have a great time, but then go right back to only communicating once in a while? Because that is what is most likely to happen here.