Dating at Work Disaster

[SurfCity]

1 hour ago, zetamega said:

However, my coworkers originally tried to set us up because she went to them asking them to help her out. 

You don't know that this happened. It's very likely that she never asked for them to set you two up. 

The age difference can't be ignored. Not many 22 yr olds want to date an almost 40 yr old man. Not trying to be rude, but that's the truth.

[zetamega]

11 minutes ago, SurfCity said:

You don't know that this happened. It's very likely that she never asked for them to set you two up. 

The age difference can't be ignored. Not many 22 yr olds want to date an almost 40 yr old man. Not trying to be rude, but that's the truth.

I found out that she asked the coworker to do it. She also asked the other coworker to find out if I was seeing anyone. Not rude at all. Not many guys my age want an immature 22 year old

[zetamega]

39 minutes ago, La.Primavera said:

I've got a slightly different take on this situation, but you may not like it.  I don't think she was ever interested.

At first, she might have playful and a bit flirty, but that's only because it was "safe".  When you were approached by her and the other coworker, she probably had no idea what they were going to say.  She likely didn't say anything because it felt so awkward in the moment, and your response stopped her from having to say anything.

The coworker who asked what kind of woman you like was just asking generally. This was not something she asked them to do.  Seeing her biking around was purely a coincidence.  Yes, she should have said no to giving you her number, but she may have felt awkward about saying no to a coworker and just thought she could keep things platonic.

I appreciate the feedback. It's an interesting take. 

I can tell you I found out that she was bugging one of the coworkers about me and she didn't have the courage to talk to me so he brought her over and tried to get me to ask her out. I didn't do anything. I let it go. Then she asked another coworker to find out if I was seeing anyone. 

No one saw her biking around. She actually went out and got a used bike after I made the bike comment to my coworker.

As for the phone number, it was a simple if you want to go riding sometime, you can hit me up. I kept this whole thing as neutral as possible.

[zetamega]

36 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Begin searching for somewhere else to work would probably be the best thing the OP can do. It sounds like this particular workplace has established a certain 'atmosphere' about it.

Probably the best advice unless people quit or get fired.

[zetamega]

55 minutes ago, Georgia46 said:

I personally wouldn’t arrange to talk to her and I don’t think you should text her. 
 

I’d just try my best not to engage further even if that might be awkward. 

This is what I've been doing. I think she's doing all of this behavior to get a response out of me. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a game, a bet, going on to see if she can do it. 

[Sanch62]

2 hours ago, zetamega said:

I agree with most of your take. However, my coworkers originally tried to set us up because she went to them asking them to help her out. 

Doesn't matter. The go-forward lesson learned is to never involve coworkers in your love life. As you've noticed, it can make a mess and cause problems with a job you want to keep. That's your livelihood, so don't let anyone talk you into pooping where you work.

Quote

I've been ignoring for over a month. I can't use headphones for my job. It's her who continues to keep this going. I know she is trying to break me and get a reaction but I will not. I'm just trying to get around this so we can go back to the way things were before I got her number. 

You can't accomplish that with a confrontation. Be civil and professional to everyone, but don't discuss your private business. The woman was already on the verge of leaving, so she's not likely long for that job. Just buckle down and outlast her.

[zetamega]

9 minutes ago, Sanch62 said:

Doesn't matter. The go-forward lesson learned is to never involve coworkers in your love life. As you've noticed, it can make a mess and cause problems with a job you want to keep. That's your livelihood, so don't let anyone talk you into pooping where you work.

You can't accomplish that with a confrontation. Be civil and professional to everyone, but don't discuss your private business. The woman was already on the verge of leaving, so she's not likely long for that job. Just buckle down and outlast her.

1. You're absolutely right. Even though I tried to keep it light with let's go riding, looking back I shouldn't have suggested it or got her number. 

2. Thanks for the encouragement. I'll try to weather the storm. 

[Georgia46]

9 hours ago, zetamega said:

This is what I've been doing. I think she's doing all of this behavior to get a response out of me. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a game, a bet, going on to see if she can do it. 

Well after what you said about her behaviour with the text and then after that leaning over in the low cut top maybe. 
 

strange though,  why would she want to do that to you? 

[Georgia46]

9 hours ago, SurfCity said:

You don't know that this happened. It's very likely that she never asked for them to set you two up. 

The age difference can't be ignored. Not many 22 yr olds want to date an almost 40 yr old man. Not trying to be rude, but that's the truth.

Ooh you’d be surprised! I sit next to my pal at work who’s 25 and he is literally interested in women in their 40s.   Sets his tinder profile to that age group.     Takes all sorts. 

Edited Saturday at 07:51 AM by Georgia46

[Sony12]

4 hours ago, Georgia46 said:

 

strange though,  why would she want to do that to you? 

She's 22.

[Sony12]

4 hours ago, Georgia46 said:

Ooh you’d be surprised! I sit next to my pal at work who’s 25 and he is literally interested in women in their 40s.   Sets his tinder profile to that age group.     Takes all sorts. 

Yes there is a lot of that that goes on on dating sites these days. I do the same thing. A lot of older women go out with younger men for many of the same reasons men go out with younger women. And while young women can feel insulted being treated that way but for the younger men having someone date you because they think you are young and hot is thrilling.

Edited Saturday at 12:22 PM by Sony12

[zetamega]

8 hours ago, Georgia46 said:

Well after what you said about her behaviour with the text and then after that leaning over in the low cut top maybe. 
 

strange though,  why would she want to do that to you? 

Attention, validation, immaturity. Those are the things that come to mind. I've gone silent since the text message. I've noticed the more silent I am, the more she tries to get my attention. I'm not playing a game. I'm not going to play games with a 22 year old.

[zetamega]

8 hours ago, Georgia46 said:

Ooh you’d be surprised! I sit next to my pal at work who’s 25 and he is literally interested in women in their 40s.   Sets his tinder profile to that age group.     Takes all sorts. 

I'm not sure why people are surprised by a 22 year old being into a 37 year old. Attraction is attraction. Look at celebrities as an example. Leonardo DiCaprio is 50 and won't date women above 25 years old. Cher is 78 and is dating a 38 year old man.

Whatever floats your boat. 

[Georgia46]

4 hours ago, Sony12 said:

She's 22.

Still… I mean she’s not a teenager.     Pretty childish. 

[zetamega]

4 hours ago, Sony12 said:

Yes there is a lot of that that goes on on dating sites these days. I do the same thing. A lot of older women go out with younger men for many of the same reasons men go out with younger women. And while young women can feel insulted being treated that way but for the younger men having someone date you because they think you are young and hot is thrilling.

I also think younger people go with older people because they didn't have a parent in their life and look for that in a partner. I knew a guy who lost his mother at a young age and would date women 20 years older than him. He wouldn't date anyone around his age or younger. 

[zetamega]

3 minutes ago, Georgia46 said:

Still… I mean she’s not a teenager.     Pretty childish. 

I think her behavior is that of a teenager, like 13-16 years old. Anyone 18 and up behaving this way, usually is that way in their 20s, 30s, 40s... 

It's kinda scary how she went from friendly, down to earth, to nutty and a jerk. I'm no psychologist but she might have a personality disorder. 

[zetamega]

One thing that is bothering me is if she hooks up with another coworker. Not because she likes him but to do it out of spite to get a reaction out of me. It seems from this last month she's doing what she can to get a reaction out of me. 

Edited Saturday at 04:49 PM by zetamega

[Georgia46]

50 minutes ago, zetamega said:

One thing that is bothering me is if she hooks up with another coworker. Not because she likes him but to do it out of spite to get a reaction out of me. It seems from this last month she's doing what she can to get a reaction out of me. 

Just show no reaction…: give nothing.  
 

 

[Georgia46]

58 minutes ago, zetamega said:

I also think younger people go with older people because they didn't have a parent in their life and look for that in a partner. I knew a guy who lost his mother at a young age and would date women 20 years older than him. He wouldn't date anyone around his age or younger. 

Yeah a lot of them are looking for a mammy -   Deffo. 

Edited Saturday at 05:41 PM by Georgia46

[zetamega]

12 minutes ago, Georgia46 said:

Just show no reaction…: give nothing.  
 

 

I know. Tough though. 

[Georgia46]

42 minutes ago, zetamega said:

I know. Tough though. 

Yeah….   I think she likes you but is v immature.   

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, zetamega said:

One thing that is bothering me is if she hooks up with another coworker. Not because she likes him but to do it out of spite to get a reaction out of me. It seems from this last month she's doing what she can to get a reaction out of me. 

Eh, it's unlikely she is that invested in trying to spite you. 

If she hooks up with another coworker, it will likely be because she finds him attractive and wants to act on it. Not everything she does is necessarily about you. 

[Acacia98]

2 hours ago, zetamega said:

One thing that is bothering me is if she hooks up with another coworker. Not because she likes him but to do it out of spite to get a reaction out of me. It seems from this last month she's doing what she can to get a reaction out of me. 

Don't let that bother you. If she does that, whatever her motivation, it's her life. Whatever problems result will have absolutely nothing to do with you.

[zetamega]

2 hours ago, Georgia46 said:

Yeah….   I think she likes you but is v immature.   

I agree. 

[zetamega]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Eh, it's unlikely she is that invested in trying to spite you. 

If she hooks up with another coworker, it will likely be because she finds him attractive and wants to act on it. Not everything she does is necessarily about you. 

1. It's possible. 

2. I disagree. Too much has gone on for this not to have to do with me. It could be a test to see how I will react.