AITA boyfriends accusations

[thatwoman567]

Am I the a-hole?

 

boyfriend is accusing me of things and I honestly feel like I’m going crazy. Here are some of the issues

 

1) when we first started dating, he hid the fact that he lived with his mother. He said that he had inherited his house, and lived alone and that his home was quite messy. That’s why he was embarrassed to invite me over. He said that he could sneak me in through the back door and we could go down to the basement and watch movies and have xxx. I wasn’t ready so I asked to wait. Later, I found out that he actually lived with his mother and that she didn’t just visit him sometimes that she actually live with him. I asked him why he didn’t tell me the truth right off the bat and he said that it’s because I didn’t ask him. I said that it disappointed me that he was going to invite me over and not tell me that he lived with his mother and that would cause a very awkward situation if I did spend the night.
 

2) he said he had cooked a lot of very good food for me and that he wanted to invite me over for a celebration but because it was just for a family he couldn’t invite me and he would give me some food the next day in a Tupperware container. We had been dating for several months at this point, and I asked him why he couldn’t just invite me over for dinner if it was him and his mom.. he said I was exaggerating and making a big deal a lot of things. I said that it sounded a little bit disrespectful that he would invite me to spend the night at his house, but he wouldn’t invite me even just for a simple supper with his mom.

 

3) he pushed me in his car because I was in the way. When I told him that I understood that there was a situation on the road, but I didn’t deserve to be pushed and that it hurt me. He said that I was exaggerating things and that I was acting like a child.

 

4) had spent a long time telling me that he also wants a family and kids, and that one day we will live happily ever after but when I asked him for a specific detail details, he said that I was pressuring him into marriage and the kids just ruined everything. I said that his words really upset me because at the start of the relationship we had both talked about what we wanted for the future and now he was telling me he wanted something completely different out of the blue. I wasn’t pressuring him. I just wanted to know what sort of future he wanted.

 

5) he accuse me of being unfaithful to him and being money, hungry even though I had never been unfaithful to him, and I was always quite generous with money and always offered to pay so I have no idea where that was coming from

[basil67]

If he's the same guy you wrote about in your previous thread, you've only been together for seven months, and you've got nothing good to say about him.   Why are you even interested in marrying him if he's not the kind of man who makes you happy?

 

 

[Sanch62]

How would it be helpful for a bunch of strangers to tell you that, no, you're not the AH, and he's so abusive and bad? Would it prompt you to dump him and go find someone who owns the right vision to appreciate you and treat you with the loving respect you deserve?

I think you're asking the wrong question. It's not who is the AH, because no matter how many people might tell you it's him-not-you, that doesn't mean he won't keep treating you as though it's really you. So the best question is, why do you stay with him?

[MsJayne]

He lives in his mother's basement and tells dumb lies. What more evidence do you need that he's a weird loser? I'd be dubious about eating anything he cooked, he probably spits in it, or worse. 

[Acacia98]

On 5/8/2025 at 2:45 AM, thatwoman567 said:

Am I the a-hole?

 

boyfriend is accusing me of things and I honestly feel like I’m going crazy. Here are some of the issues

 

1) when we first started dating, he hid the fact that he lived with his mother. He said that he had inherited his house, and lived alone and that his home was quite messy. That’s why he was embarrassed to invite me over. He said that he could sneak me in through the back door and we could go down to the basement and watch movies and have xxx. I wasn’t ready so I asked to wait. Later, I found out that he actually lived with his mother and that she didn’t just visit him sometimes that she actually live with him. I asked him why he didn’t tell me the truth right off the bat and he said that it’s because I didn’t ask him. I said that it disappointed me that he was going to invite me over and not tell me that he lived with his mother and that would cause a very awkward situation if I did spend the night.
 

2) he said he had cooked a lot of very good food for me and that he wanted to invite me over for a celebration but because it was just for a family he couldn’t invite me and he would give me some food the next day in a Tupperware container. We had been dating for several months at this point, and I asked him why he couldn’t just invite me over for dinner if it was him and his mom.. he said I was exaggerating and making a big deal a lot of things. I said that it sounded a little bit disrespectful that he would invite me to spend the night at his house, but he wouldn’t invite me even just for a simple supper with his mom.

 

3) he pushed me in his car because I was in the way. When I told him that I understood that there was a situation on the road, but I didn’t deserve to be pushed and that it hurt me. He said that I was exaggerating things and that I was acting like a child.

 

4) had spent a long time telling me that he also wants a family and kids, and that one day we will live happily ever after but when I asked him for a specific detail details, he said that I was pressuring him into marriage and the kids just ruined everything. I said that his words really upset me because at the start of the relationship we had both talked about what we wanted for the future and now he was telling me he wanted something completely different out of the blue. I wasn’t pressuring him. I just wanted to know what sort of future he wanted.

 

5) he accuse me of being unfaithful to him and being money, hungry even though I had never been unfaithful to him, and I was always quite generous with money and always offered to pay so I have no idea where that was coming from

It sounds like he's manipulating you. In every single one of these situations, he creates a difficult situation and then reacts negatively when you ask for an explanation about it or react normally to it. So clearly, he's a lousy boyfriend.

Why are you dating this guy? Don't you want better for yourself?

[Sanch62]

You don't need to be physically abused to use the services of domestic violence prevention agencies and organizations in your area to help you leave a bad situation. They offer counseling and expertise to help you mentally and emotionally before you decide whether you will want to plan a safe exit. There are also financial resources available that are not commonly known to the public for privacy and safety reasons.

You can access this help by either contacting your local hospital's social services department and asking for a referral to a social worker or an organization to prevent domestic violence. Or, you can find a local group online, or start with domesticviolence.org for a referral.

[thatwoman567]

On 5/7/2025 at 10:57 PM, basil67 said:

If he's the same guy you wrote about in your previous thread, you've only been together for seven months, and you've got nothing good to say about him.   Why are you even interested in marrying him if he's not the kind of man who makes you happy?

 

 

Yeah it’s the same guy. I just broke up with him and he said that I’m making a big mistake. But I feel better already….

[thatwoman567]

On 5/12/2025 at 3:48 AM, Acacia98 said:

It sounds like he's manipulating you. In every single one of these situations, he creates a difficult situation and then reacts negatively when you ask for an explanation about it or react normally to it. So clearly, he's a lousy boyfriend.

Why are you dating this guy? Don't you want better for yourself?

Okay I feel like you’re right.

i just broke up with him and he said I was making a big mistake . That he was going to propose but now he won’t and called me a whole bunch of names. He’s deleted me off social media too and is basically acting like it’s my fault. I think I’m better off without him

[basil67]

1 minute ago, thatwoman567 said:

Yeah it’s the same guy. I just broke up with him and he said that I’m making a big mistake. But I feel better already….

That's excellent news.  Good for you!

[thatwoman567]

On 5/12/2025 at 12:39 AM, MsJayne said:

He lives in his mother's basement and tells dumb lies. What more evidence do you need that he's a weird loser? I'd be dubious about eating anything he cooked, he probably spits in it, or worse. 

I guess I’m gullible. I feel really dumb. We broke up just recently and he’s already called me a whole bunch of names, deleted my photos and everything. He even deleted my birthday posts on his social media. He is now posting a whole bunch of photos online with all the things he’s purchased that are new and fancy and how happy he is. How much money he spent. He even posted a photo at a bar where he’s dressed up and with two drink glasses beside him….like he’s on a date with a new woman. He’s also posting lots of selfies. I feel broken and very dumb. It’s clear this person was unkind to me

[thatwoman567]

On 5/9/2025 at 10:21 AM, Sanch62 said:

How would it be helpful for a bunch of strangers to tell you that, no, you're not the AH, and he's so abusive and bad? Would it prompt you to dump him and go find someone who owns the right vision to appreciate you and treat you with the loving respect you deserve?

I think you're asking the wrong question. It's not who is the AH, because no matter how many people might tell you it's him-not-you, that doesn't mean he won't keep treating you as though it's really you. So the best question is, why do you stay with him?

You’re right. I recently broke things off and he’s been nothing but odd. He’s deleted me everywhere and is now posting photos about how good life is. He’s showing off himself at the bar with drink glasses for two and all the new things he’s spoiling himself with. 
I feel stupid and broken. He said he loved me and I was special. It’s been so long since someone said such loving words to me. He said he imagines us married on the beach, that we would have a big house and so many kids. That I was the perfect woman for him, that no one has treated him as good as me. Now he’s blaming me for not being patient. That he would have proposed and introduced me to his mom had I not brought up marriage. That my ego is too big and I’m losing the only man in my life who loved me and was on my side (him.). 
It’s been so long since I felt a man’s touch, since I’ve dated someone and they hadn’t dumped me out of the blue. It felt so good to finally be loved by someone and wanted. To get good morning texts and look forwards to date nights. To kiss someone and ride around in someone’s car at night.

i still can’t believe it ended the way it did. 
he changed 180 degrees. He’s so mean and cold and was so terrible the last few weeks. He accused me of things I never done or intended too and said the breakup was my fault. He said he’d never have kids with someone like me and marriage is a way to trap him and for me to steal his money.

i can’t describe how sad and used I feel. It’s not true and I don’t know why he blamed me

[thatwoman567]

9 minutes ago, basil67 said:

That's excellent news.  Good for you!

Thank you. I just feel so dumb…I believed him and he said the sweetest things to me. About how I was the one and I was his soulmate. That we’d be married in a romantic way and have a big family and that he couldn’t wait to introduce me to his mom and friends. And now he’s basically saying the complete opposite and blaming me for everything. I don’t know what had happened and why it all changed

[MsJayne]

4 minutes ago, thatwoman567 said:

I guess I’m gullible. I feel really dumb. We broke up just recently and he’s already called me a whole bunch of names, deleted my photos and everything. He even deleted my birthday posts on his social media. He is now posting a whole bunch of photos online with all the things he’s purchased that are new and fancy and how happy he is. How much money he spent. He even posted a photo at a bar where he’s dressed up and with two drink glasses beside him….like he’s on a date with a new woman. He’s also posting lots of selfies. I feel broken and very dumb. It’s clear this person was unkind to me

You're not the one at fault here, in any way. The good part is that you're rid of him. All the stuff he's posting online is him punishing you, trust me, he's not happy and the reason he's doing that is that he can't stop thinking about you. Best response, delete him and block him on all platforms, and thank your lucky stars that it was only seven months that you wasted with him. The photo' where he's got two glasses and is all dressed up, I'd back it in that it's all staged especially for you. He's consumed with rage that you dumped him. Congratulations, you've won  🍾.