Upset about my sister having a friendly conversation with my cheating ex-husband.

[understanding4you]

Not sure if I’m being too much or too sensitive, but my sister who happened to be coming to my house arrived at the same time that my ex -husband dropped my children off home. She knows everything, my devastation, what I’m still going through, how he’s discarded me. I caught him cheating on me for a second time - first time with an ex girlfriend, second time with his coworker and then told me he was leaving. It’s been a few years since the incident and I’m still grieving it and feel so betrayed. He’s now with another coworker and has just recently moved in with her. We don’t talk. I feel so disgusted and hurt at the same time with what he has chosen. She knows he’s also taking me to court next week to try taking away my spousal support and lowering my child support. My communication with him is extremely minimal and only regarding the children. I don’t say a word to him otherwise. We’re not friends at all and don’t say a word to each other nor look at one another. My anger and hurt in turn made him dislike me so we don’t acknowledge one another at all. Our eyes are always on our daughters during drop offs.
 

As she was walking to my door, I heard the first thing she said was hi to him and how he was doing. She then walked over to him and started having a whole conversation. Asking him about work, whats new..his car. I was completely taken aback. I could hear it all from inside my house. When she came in, I asked her after everything he’s put me through, why does she have to engage with him in that manner? I was hoping that if she chose to acknowledge his presence, it would be with a quick wave and that would be the end of it. She was over by him for 5 minutes, just chatting and it honestly hurt me. When I approached her about it, she said it’s not a big deal, it’s just small talk, but I feel she’s not looking at the overall picture. To me if feels like it sends a message to him, that it’s ok what you did to my sister and I will still talk to you the way I always have. My father does the same as well if he ever happened to see him and embraces him with a hug, calls him son still and has never acknowledged to him that he was disappointed in what he had done. I’ve asked him as well why he talks to him and opens his arms to him like nothing ever happened and the answer I’ve gotten was, “I’m not going to be bitter, he’ll always be my son in law.” “Your problems with him have nothing to do with me and my relationship with him.” I feel so hurt by this all. My mother on the other hand would never carry a conversation with him again and has no desire to after everything she sees I’ve endured. I feel like it also makes me look stupid that I could never bring myself to talk to him in a light hearted, friendly manner, but my own family does. It makes me feel unsupported. 

I’m curious to know what peoples opinions are on this 😔

Edited March 31 by understanding4you

[tzorno]

I'm right there with you.  I was together with my ex for 30 years before she cheated on me a tore the family apart.  It was a really ugly divorce,  Both of my brothers have had run in's with her and talked to her like it was any other day.  They both told me about it and I asked why they would do that.  They both said that she didn't do anything to them.  I let them have it.  I said, no she didn't do anything to them, but she sure destroyed my life, she messed up her own children bad enough that she has a son that despises her now and will never talk to her again, she has a granddaughter that doesn't even know who she is at this point and another on the way that will never know her, and she took advantage of our mother for financial reasons and actually cheered for her to die at the hospital.  I said if that wasn't enough, what about loyalty to the family and their sibling.  Told them that if it all had happened to one of them that their ex would be dead to me.  After I unloaded on them they actually understood where I was coming from.  

No, you are not being over sensitive.  Family should be thick and stick together.  

[Miss Chrysalis]

I've been divorced for a long time, but I remember a huge fight with my sister when she informed me she and her husband were having dinner with my ex and his new boo.  He did cheat on me, although not with her, but he did so much other crap, I was furious and felt so betrayed.  Our husbands weren't even that close and she had her own major issues with my ex because of how he was.  She ended up canceling the dinner.  

[understanding4you]

5 hours ago, Miss Chrysalis said:

I've been divorced for a long time, but I remember a huge fight with my sister when she informed me she and her husband were having dinner with my ex and his new boo.  He did cheat on me, although not with her, but he did so much other crap, I was furious and felt so betrayed.  Our husbands weren't even that close and she had her own major issues with my ex because of how he was.  She ended up canceling the dinner.  

This is all wild! I can’t even believe my ears and the audacity. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. I find loyalty in others such a hard thing to match. And when it’s from your own family, it just hits differently 😔

[Miss Chrysalis]

11 hours ago, understanding4you said:

This is all wild! I can’t even believe my ears and the audacity. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. I find loyalty in others such a hard thing to match. And when it’s from your own family, it just hits differently 😔

That's not even the worst of the betrayal I've experienced at her hands (job/income related), but family is family and she's still my best friend.  But I've had a lot to have to forgive and "get over."   Some days are better than others and time heals.