Should I hire a sex worker to take my virginity at 26?

[Miss Chrysalis]

5 minutes ago, basil67 said:

@lemonicetea and @Miss Chrysalis   I asked the same question early in the thread.   OP said he does not mention being a virgin, so the problem is clearly his profile rather than his virginity.   He hasn't come back for advice on the profile.   

Without more information, I suspect that his profile accidentally reflects his current depression

 

Ah, thanks for the update since I didn't read it all.  A virgin at 26 isn't a red flag.  A virgin at 50? Yeah, maybe a red flag.

[justwhoiam]

Remove any reference to being a virgin in your profile. Check out your outfits and hairstyle. Then do what many men do on those apps: only swipe right. Then see what happens. You'll have the ball in your court.

Plus, ask a girl out where you're studying and at the church if you happen to hang out and talk to people outside. Have something ready to bring up, like some art gallery, movie at the movie theater or some other event. They might want to join you.

I think you should be attracted to the girl or woman in the first place when you ask them out, or you might not get aroused, and you don't want that to happen. Don't share that you're a virgin. If they asked about your previous relationship, just be vague and say you never had anything important going, that you just had a few dates.

Now, about you not having any hobby. No one wants to hang out with an amoeba. Find something you're passionate about: some sport, some collectibles, some movie director, some book genre or writer, you name it, some music or band. Do something exciting in your life, you're 26! Enjoy life, plan a trip. You don't have to go right away, but you'd have a goal other than studying. And yes, you could also be passionate about what you're studying. Excitement is a state of mind.

[enterthevoid]

I don't judge people who see sex workers, but I don't think it's a long-term solution.

It's also not a good use of money.  You can allocate that money into things that will improve your dating life.  A haircut, good clothes.  Photographers to take better photos for your dating apps.  Going to out social events to meet people, make friends. etc

Quote

Even if I really connect with a woman it goes to s*** once they learn I’m a virgin.

It's as much of an issue as you make it.  This is likely because you come at it from a place of fear and low-esteem.  And they can probably sense this.  If you're a virgin, but you're confident and not ashamed of it, then most women won't have an issue.  If they're attracted to you, many will be happy to teach you.  I was a late-bloomer.  When I was inexperienced, I was upfront.  I confidently said that I was inexperience, but happy to learn.

It seems like what's making you feel sad is a broader thing to do with your mindset and maybe depression.  Seeing an escort isn't going to fix this.

 

[FredEire]

29 minutes ago, enterthevoid said:

I don't judge people who see sex workers, but I don't think it's a long-term solution.

It's also not a good use of money.  You can allocate that money into things that will improve your dating life.  A haircut, good clothes.  Photographers to take better photos for your dating apps.  Going to out social events to meet people, make friends. etc

It's as much of an issue as you make it.  This is likely because you come at it from a place of fear and low-esteem.  And they can probably sense this.  If you're a virgin, but you're confident and not ashamed of it, then most women won't have an issue.  If they're attracted to you, many will be happy to teach you.  I was a late-bloomer.  When I was inexperienced, I was upfront.  I confidently said that I was inexperience, but happy to learn.

It seems like what's making you feel sad is a broader thing to do with your mindset and maybe depression.  Seeing an escort isn't going to fix this.

 

I'm still wondering at what point he's telling these women that he's a virgin. If he has a good connection with them it's kind of irrelevant to the early-stage flirting/getting to know eachother bit anyway. I think if you're already at the stage where she knows she's into you and sees you as a potential sex partner, it shouldn't matter all that much anyway and she might even see it as kind of cute or want to help you learn.

From the sound of the posts I get the impression he might be getting on well on dates and then deciding to nuke it by dropping it on these girls that he's a virgin and it's a huge big deal.

Basically how much sex you've had in your life previously shouldn't be a big deal, and if you don't treat it as such it won't be, and you'll probably meet someone quickly enough who you'll end up losing your virginity to. But if you treat it as a deal-breaker and a reason nobody would want to touch you, then it will be. It's all about how much importance you give it, and it sounds like it's turned into a way to sabotage yourself.

As others have said hiring a call girl is just going to make you feel worse. Your narrative of "women don't want me because I'm a virgin" will just turn into "women don't want me because the only sexual experience I've had was with a prostitute".

Edited Sunday at 07:50 PM by FredEire

[enterthevoid]

I agree 100%.

Also, it's not just about the words but the overall vibe.  If someone is insecure and has low self-confidence, it affects how they walk, talk, and act.  

It shows up in other areas.  Maybe they're really indecisive when making plans.  They may excessively apologize for things they don't need to.  They may try so hard to please (instead of just relaxing and enjoying the date).  Or they may be wrapped up so much in their own thoughts, that the date becomes this serious thing instead of a lighthearted fun outing.

I seriously don't think it's the virginity that's the issue.  It's the lack of confidence.

 

Edited Sunday at 08:09 PM by enterthevoid

[basil67]

38 minutes ago, FredEire said:

I'm still wondering at what point he's telling these women that he's a virgin.

I asked the question and he said he's not putting the information out there.   This whole post is just a massive assumption on his part

[FredEire]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I asked the question and he said he's not putting the information out there.   This whole post is just a massive assumption on his part

I see, I doubt too many of these women he's seeing are psychically perceiving he's a virgin.

Not being able to lose your virginity because your social/dating skills maybe aren't very good is a whole different question.

[basil67]

5 minutes ago, FredEire said:

I see, I doubt too many of these women he's seeing are psychically perceiving he's a virgin

 

I doubt they even think about his virginity.  They are far more likely to be thinking about social skills