Miss Chrysalis Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 If you're an older/mature man seeking actual connection (and not just validation from a hot 20/30 something flooding your inbox), what kinds of things do you worry about when considering a dating relationship? How does the age factor (both younger and older) impact your thoughts and insecurities or worries? I'm asking this from the perspective of a mature woman (but not a senior citizen) seeking to understand the thoughts and feelings of a male who is a lot older. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 Well, as a 49 year old man dating a 31 year old woman, I’ve considered these questions a lot. For my part, I mostly worry that I’ll be a burden to her. That if everything works well she’s going to watch me age and grow old much sooner than her. I’m also afraid of the inevitable sexual decline, which will happen to me much earlier than to her. For a hypothetical younger partner, I’d worry a lot about lack of maturity and experience. My long-term ex was also a lot younger than me, she was indeed too young and, like all or almost all very young people, she didn’t really understand what she wanted. When she finally did, she discovered that it wasn’t me. That’s why one of the things that makes me happy in my current relationship is that my partner is more mature and experienced than her age would normally indicate. We both have had wild pasts and we sort of arrived at the same mental destination at the same time, in spite of the age difference. We are no longer curious about mere exploration, we’re both looking for compatibility and connection and would rather be single than in a relationship where these are lacking. Other things that would bother me in a hypothetical stereotypical younger partner are rushing into things, lovebombing, unrealistic expectations, excessive communication demands, jealousy, disrespect of my privacy, attempting to control me, pressure, emotional blackmail. My actual partner doesn’t do any of these things. 2 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 I date older women and usually it's casual situations so neither of us have ideas of a long term relationship in mind. So not really that big of a deal. I just continue to try to stay fit so I continue to have the type of body many ladies like to have in a younger man (attractive face, trim body frame, nice stomach area.....etc. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 What is the age difference? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 11 Share Posted March 11 Most mature/mature minded men I know prefer a mature woman for the long haul, because where they are at in life...kids grown up, looking forward to retiring with someone in the future and travel, already established financially, have more things in common. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Interstellar Posted March 13 Share Posted March 13 (edited) Initially, online (and offline) it’s important to note that men will always be visual creatures. 99 percent of men prefer a woman with long, straight hair. No curly, frumpy or short to super short hair. Below the ear or up to your neck and straight is fine. You want to cast as wide of a net as possible. How she dresses, nothing revealing. A little skin is okay, just enough that you take care of your health. Bicep poses that also show your armpits are lame lol, but you sitting on a bike smiling is good, or holding a volleyball. if you look to be younger than your age, nobody cares about the number attached to it. This is like fitness, if you look fit or toned or shredded nobody cares about how much body fat percentage you’re carrying. Edited March 13 by Interstellar 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted Friday at 07:21 AM Share Posted Friday at 07:21 AM Recently returned to the dating scene after about six years away Mid 40s is not that old is it- but I am more conscious of being that age now- like a realisation that say under 35s are pretty much beyond me or at least difficult for me to attract. My main insecurity now is that I feel the women Ive had previous relationships with were my best chance at love- I appear to be the opposite of a bottle of wine- Im not getting better with age, three months ago I was thinking I have to start a clean slate find someone new- now Im thinking can I somehow rekindle things with past loves- will I every truly get over past regrets with relationships- that is also an insecurity preventing me from moving on. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Miss Chrysalis Posted Friday at 09:07 PM Author Share Posted Friday at 09:07 PM On 3/10/2025 at 11:37 AM, stillafool said: What is the age difference? 16 years. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted Sunday at 12:30 AM Share Posted Sunday at 12:30 AM First of all, I would say getting into the heads of older men is NOT your problem and it's a waste of time and energy and potentially very disruptive to dating successfully. Why do you need to know what an average older guy (which is all we can say) is thinking? They all think differently. And you don't want to work to avoid triggering the insecurities of other people. That's their issue. You cannot fix their insecurities. It's a waste of time to try to work around them. Either you like being with them or not. I'm older and I do a lot of activities with younger people. I don't date younger people. But I'm quite comfortable dancing with them and hanging out with them at times. I NEVER try to hide my age. For one, its pointless, foolish. I look my age and the young people I hang with look their age. I focus on the connection with the person in front of me. And part of the fun of the experience for me has to do with being older--and getting a kick of the ways of younger generations. And getting a kick out of all the experiences I've had that they haven't quite had. I would challenge your question in a second way as well. I don't have insecurities about being older. Certainly fewer insecurities about my age than I did about 20 other things when I was younger. I assume if a relationship (from platonic to romantic) is going to work, it has to work with me being comfortable with myself and them being comfortable with themselves and we both being ok with each other. My age is part of me and their age is part of them. By the way, I don't have 20 or 30 somethings flooding my mailbox. Not even 40 somethings. What planet are you writing about such that these young hot women flood the inboxes of older guys? 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted Sunday at 02:18 PM Share Posted Sunday at 02:18 PM OP, a suggestion. Tell us exactly what the situation is--and your part/role in the situation. We specialize in dating advice here. And without particulars, people like me are going to give you dating advice. But if you drop all the cover and tell us the details. We don't know you, you won't give names or revealing details. Tell us exactly what's going on and you'll get MUCH better answers. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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