What would you do? Be patient or not?

[Calmandfocused]

Hey loveshackers 

So I had an amazing first date 8 days ago. Chemistry was flying and clearly the feeling was mutual. When I got home I was feeling quite excited as sparks are quite rare from my point of view. 
 

Since the date he’s been texting me a lot. Asking me a lot about myself, disclosing a lot about himself, complimenting me, and discussing loads of activities he’s looking forward to doing with me. But ….

I’m still waiting for him to actually arrange the second date. I’ve made it clear that I’d be very open to the activities he’s suggested, asked him to let me know the plan, then …. nothing is arranged. 

So basically I’ve  got myself a texting pen pal which is exactly what I do not want. I’ve made it clear on my OLD profile that I’m wanting to date so I can find someone to build a meaningful connection with, and eventually a relationship. 

Now I have been in this exact situation a couple of times before. I’ve then relegated them to the “not interested/ just after a pen pal” category and aborted mission. Maybe I’ve been a bit hasty but experience tells me that if they’re not chomping at the bit to see me then they’re not really excited about me. When i start believing that I lose interest in them too .. fast! 

What’s holding me back from doing the same with this guy is that he’s neurodivergent and he’s been out the dating game for nearly a decade. I’m the first person he’s had a date with in a long time so I’m not sure he has any clue what he’s doing. 
 

So should I give it a bit longer and exert a bit of patience? Or should I call him out and let him know his dithering and dawdling is turning me off? 
 

Keen to hear everyone’s thoughts. Thank you 😊
 

 

Edited February 1 by Calmandfocused

[Gaeta]

I don't have experience with neurodivergent people but if his weakness is reading people then you might have to be the leader here.

[The_CROW]

You: What are you up to this weekend?

Him: Oh just going to watch the game/see friends etc.

You: Really? That's nice, hope you have fun.

Him: What about you?

You: Got some errands to run in the morning, but I'm free Saturday and Sunday evening.

You cannot be the leader. The man leads, you follow. This guy's been out the game for a while so you might have to be the wind in his back and push him to start leading.

If he still doesn't get it and ask you out after this exchange, adios. [ ] 

Edited February 1 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
offensive

[spiritedaway2003]

You could either

1) ask him out on a second date.  If he's out of the dating world a little, that might give him the confidence to ask you out on a third (if the date goes well).

2) fume about it but keep waiting and then relegating him to pen pal status and slow fade him.

Granted, I will say that when someone is  interested, he will often take the lead (even for shy guys). Those who don't -- they are either less interested.  That lack of initiative becomes a disinterest for me so it works out anyway.  I certainly don't expect the guy to do everything, but it is like a dance.  Since I myself am more of "take initiative" kind of person  in most other aspects of life (except in dating), someone who isn't in roughly the same ballpark won't probably work out with me long term.  (Fair or not, I will say that I expect the guy to lead in the beginning).

[basil67]

As he's neuro-divergent, you are probably going to have to be clear about how you want to be dated.   

[ShyViolet]

How hard would it be for you to say "so when are we gonna hang out again?" or "so when would you like to meet up and do something?"  I don't see why you need to passively sit around and wait till he initiates plans.  Say something to start the conversation.  If he doesn't give a straight answer or makes excuses, then file him under "time waster" and stop the endless texting.

[BaileyB]

I would plan the date. Or give him a hint - as was said above, “I like your idea to do this… when do you have time to get together again.” 

Edited February 2 by BaileyB

[Calmandfocused]

On 2/1/2025 at 6:43 PM, Calmandfocused said:

 

Thank you for your responses everyone. 
 

It’s now over … before it begun. 
 

I didn’t really get an explanation but reading between the lines he hasn’t got much time and is keen to explore his options. As I said he’s new to dating so I can’t blame him. 
 

The shelf or bench position isn’t what I’m after either so I’ve voluntarily put myself in his bin. 

Time to move on. Thanks everyone x 

[smackie9]

When you date someone like this, they can't see or understand hints, so you need to be totally blunt with them simple as that. Ask him out. Keep in mind, this is how he is ALL THE TIME. So you need to consider that, especially if you are not assertive type personality. 

Edited February 4 by smackie9

[lemonicetea]

Interesting, because in my experience neurodivergent people are pretty extreme. Like they know you for a day and they’re convinced they have found their soul mate. Obviously, I know not everyone is like that, but I have seen this more than a couple times in my life. 
 

I know this ship has sailed but if you are interested in seeing a person again feel free to ask for another date. Why should you feel like they have to initiate it?