Hot and cold guy friend

[Mikygrin5]

I need y'alls help because I'm confused lol.

I (21F) have a friend (23M). We have been friends since middle school, but haven't been in consistent contact. He and I have always gotten along extremely well even though we are almost polar opposites (I'm a Christian, he is not; he smokes and drinks, I don't; he breaks any rule placed in front of him, I'm a diligent rule follower etc.). We never really fight, we are protective of each other, and (I think) care about each other a lot. We lost contact the first time when he moved away at the beginning of high school due to distance and then lost contact a second time due to me being in a controlling relationship and then a third to him being in a controlling relationship. Now, we have connected yet again in an insanely weird way. I downloaded an app to try online dating and he was one of the first couple people to want to match. I matched and we exchanged Snaps to start talking. Like always, we jumped right back into the same fun, flirty friendship we've always had. We call each other cute nicknames (honey, babe, love, etc) and are complimentary of each other (he calls be beautiful and I always remind him how fantastic of a person he is). Then, one day we were talking about why we were on the app and he said he does it for fun even though he doesn't trust relationships any more. He has had insanely toxic and abusive relationships with girls that have cheated on him and he's never had the best home life so it made sense to me. From that point on, he's been very hot and cold. We will talk to each other for the whole day and have a little heart-to-heart at the end. Then, he won't reach out for 24 hours even though I can see he's active on social media. When he does reach out, I get one word answers and not much reciprocation.

I am just confused on where he stands with me. One day I joked that he's been secretly in love with me since middle school and he just said "think what you want". I said he could tell me if I was lying and he said "I know". But then he goes on and ignores me or pulls away. Because I know all about his past, I am extremely upfront and honest with him about how I feel so that he knows he can trust me and my transparency. I told him that I'll always have a type of love for him because of how long we have known each other and he said he was appreciative and then blew me off with a sarcastic comment. Since then, if we stay up late enough that we fall asleep texting, I'll say "love you babe, good night, sleep well" and he'll send a little cute emoji. Today, I said that to him and he said it back and I made a comment pointing out that he said it. He said to "not let it get to my head" and we laughed it off. Now, he's back to ignoring me while talking to everyone else. 

I know this was a lot. We have an insanely long and complicated history with each other. I worry that I'm unconsciously pushing him away. Before you ask, I don't know how I feel fully. I know that when he leaves my life, I miss him and whenever he comes back into my life, I am always insanely happy. I have always been ride-or-die for him in the friendship and feel an insanely strong desire to keep him in my life. We've never pursued anything romantic in the past, so I don't fully know how I feel on that end of the spectrum. 

Please help me lol. 

[Gebidozo]

Judging from your tone, I’d say that you do have romantic feelings for that man.

If that is the case, I’d suggest that you be on your guard, lest you get hurt. I’m sorry, but I don’t think that he is interested in your romantically. If he were, he would’ve asked you out on a date long time ago.

I think it would be better for you if you focused on normal dating that would eventually lead to a normal love relationship. And I’d also advise you to tone down your communication with that guy. I don’t think your future boyfriend is going to be happy when he finds out that you’re having a “flirty friendship” with a man, talking to him all day long about intimate topics and telling him “I love you, babe” almost daily before going to sleep. 

[ShyViolet]

It really sounds like he sees you as a friend, and can't see himself being with you romantically.  If he was interested in you romantically he would have made a move by now.  When guys are interested in you, they usually make that pretty clear.  If he wanted to date you, you would know.  Especially since you've made a lot of comments and attempts to let him know you have feelings for him, and he always brushes it off.  

[stillafool]

It sounds like he sees you as a friend and doesn't want to go further than that with you.  The old "he's been hurt and no longer trusts girls" would go right out the window once a 23 year old guy meets a girl he wants to be with.  I would accept his friendship since that is all he's giving you and then distance yourself and start looking for a real boyfriend.  One that is pursuing you.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sorry girl, but I don't think he sees you a romantic partner. 

He likes having you as a friend and enjoys talking to you, but I don't see much indication that he wants to actually date you. He would have asked you out by now if he did. You've made it quite obvious that you have more feelings for him, and he isn't reciprocating. 

I would take a step back so you don't get too hurt.