Grief with grandma?

[Spicydicey449]

So I'm 29.

I've always had a rough relationship with my grandma (dad's side). She often watched me and my sister growing up and really is/was one of the most evil people I've known. Spending so much time with her was actually hell.

As of the last couple of years, she's definitely declining heavily and with dementia. But even still she's often the mean person I always knew. But on more occasions than before, she has moments where she is being nicer. But I think it's because she's afraid she's dying and is worried about going to hell now.

I see her and talk with her on the phone not super infrequently. Probably see her once a month. Call a couple more times. Which is all I can do. Any more time around her makes me ill.

But today I had a conversation with her that broke my heart. Just talking about how unwell she is. And bored since she's mostly stuck in the house.

My dad lives next door and helps with her day to day needs. But has declined to hang around more than that as her verbal abuse ramped up a lot.

I'm just so torn. I feel for her, it makes me so sad to hear how miserable she is. But I literally cannot be around her more or I'll be insane.

[ShyViolet]

Do what's best for you and what feels right.  You are not obligated to spend time with her if it is detrimental to your own well being.  

[lemonicetea]

If she’s verbally abusive, then don’t hang out around her. Maybe you guys can get an aid to take care of her.