Jump to content

Compatibility issue or just insecure?


Cloudfish

Recommended Posts

Cloudfish

I've been dating a guy for a little over two months now. We met at a concert and discovered we have a ton of shared interests, and we've pretty much been blowing up each others chat box ever since. Just talking about daily life, animals, series and nerd stuff, never anything deep or intimate. We live over 2 hours apart and both work so time is scarce, but we've been trying to go on a date every 2 weeks or so.

On these dates, he's very physical. He keeps asking for hugs, kisses. I give some, but I joke some others off, because I'm the absolute opposite! I love a good cuddle during a movie or just some contact, but kisses at every moment we get an opportunity is a bit much for me. First two dates were awesome, had great fun. He did make a rude joke about a friend, but he apologised and promised it'd never happen again. Feeling good about it so far, the third date I invited him over. He could sleep on the spare bed, so we had more time the next day to walk around in the nearby zoo without losing 5 hours to travelling. Yes, I was aware of the implications of inviting a dude over on the third date and while I wasn't planning on it, I was ok with that if it'd come to it. I pretty much fell asleep with him after watching a movie together. And he started going down there. I initially pushed his hand away because I didn't feel like it yet, but a little later he'd try again & I just let it happen. What followed was probably the most awkward sex I've ever had, I can only assume he was nervous and eventually frustrated by the fact that he... Ehm... had performance issues. In the heat of moment, he did some things I didn't consent with, thus breaking my trust in him as a long-term partner.

Since then I've insisted on just being friends instead, but he really really -REALLY- wants to keep on dating like we have done past months. He pleads for another chance. He keeps insisting it's alright if I'm not physical. He says what happened that night won't happen again. He says he'll stop smoking for me once he's no longer living in an environment where people smoke (he smokes, but as I raised in a non smoking family, I can't stand the pungent smell of tabacco) I think he's being genuine, but I'm personally not sure it is worth it to change for me. We get along great as friends, but I'm not sure we're really compatible as partners? Or am I just overcomplicating things? 

Link to post
Share on other sites

If he’s romantically interested in you, it’s terribly unfair to offer him friendship.  It’s all  or nothing and you need to make a choice 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly
2 hours ago, Cloudfish said:

. We get along great as friends, but I'm not sure we're really compatible as partners?

Doesn't this already answer your question?...

2 hours ago, Cloudfish said:

In the heat of moment, he did some things I didn't consent with, thus breaking my trust in him as a long-term partner.

It sounds like whatever he did, it was a dealbreaker for you. I am not sure why you're then questioning compatibility. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Sounds like while you two definitely get a long well over regular dating activities it doesn't seem you two are all that physically compatible. He clearly wants to have a lot of sex and physical interaction while you are a little uncomfortable with it. 

In most cases if you aren't physically compatible in the beginning it usually doesn't get better.

Might be best for both of you to move on and find someone who you are more compatible with.

 

Edited by Sony12
Link to post
Share on other sites
ShyViolet
5 hours ago, Cloudfish said:

Since then I've insisted on just being friends instead, but he really really -REALLY- wants to keep on dating 

Why do people always seem to think that "just being friends" is the default setting when breaking it off with someone??  We need to stop with this.  No, you can't be "friends" with this guy, especially with how sexually pushy he has been.  He's always going to want more than friendship from you, and he already acted inappropriately and pushed you beyond what you were comfortable with.  This guy keeps being disrespectful to you and not listening to your boundaries.  You need to just properly break up with him and end this.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...