jondoe66 Posted November 22 Share Posted November 22 Ignore the grammar doing this on my phone I've been going to a local country bar since 2021 I have gotten to know the owner who works at the bar serving drinks and food and also gotten to know many of the regulars what I thought was very well. It's not the type of bar we're everyone gets drunk and dumb it's a very calm laid back one In 2022 I was invited by the bar owners then girlfriend (who at the time was a bartender at this bar) to a huge birthday bash for the owner along with all the bar regulars and to a weekend long music festival the following year the owner and his girlfriend broke up a few months before said music festival but I still went with the owner of the bar and a big group of us regulars that go to the bar and always sit at the same table every week Ever since the owner and his girlfriend broke up i have not been invited to anything what so ever outside of the bar the owner and all the people who sit at our table go to concerts, out of town tirps, boat rides on the bar owners boat, bon fires, the owners birthday party this year and now a "friends giving" get together at the bar (he is closing it down for the night for said event) and I have not been invited to any of it they will all talk about these plans right infront of me but never ask if I'd like to go they just talk directly to eachother about it or fail to tell me about any plans I'm included in other conversations that are generally pleasant but when it comes to other activities I'm never made a part of any of them, not sure if I'm over thinking or if I should stop going to the bar as I think I may not be wanted anymore. Many of the regulars own RVs and I work in the RV industry so to help contribute to the friendship I always help them and the owner by using my employees discount for them to buy accessories and parts they need to try to be a good friend I called the owners ex and asked her straight up what the owner thought of me and she hesitated for a bit then told me he won't go out of his way to include me in anything even if he has personaly invited others. And yes I do be sure to tip well and order enough food and drinks to support the bussiness and never expect any free stuff just "because I know the owner" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SurfCity Posted November 23 Share Posted November 23 18 hours ago, jondoe66 said: I still went with the owner of the bar and a big group of us regulars that go to the bar and always sit at the same table every week 18 hours ago, jondoe66 said: I called the owners ex and asked her straight up what the owner thought of me and she hesitated for a bit then told me he won't go out of his way to include me in anything even if he has personaly invited others. Did something happen at the music festival? Did you do something rude, start a fight, drink too much, make things difficult for others? If not, it sounds like the bar tender just doesn't like you as a friend. You probably just don't mesh with him and the other guys very well. I would host an event/get together and invite them all, if none of them show up, I would find another RV community/bar to join. Maybe they think that you're mooching and just accepting invitations without ever doing the hosting/inviting. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author jondoe66 Posted November 23 Author Share Posted November 23 1 hour ago, SurfCity said: Did something happen at the music festival? Did you do something rude, start a fight, drink too much, make things difficult for others? If not, it sounds like the bar tender just doesn't like you as a friend. You probably just don't mesh with him and the other guys very well. I would host an event/get together and invite them all, if none of them show up, I would find another RV community/bar to join. Maybe they think that you're mooching and just accepting invitations without ever doing the hosting/inviting. No we all behaved nothing like that happened and as far as the rest of it goes it's always public events they go to not in home events only time it's on private property is when bar owner does a boat ride or bonfire Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SurfCity Posted November 23 Share Posted November 23 (edited) So set up a bonfire and invite them. Find/research a public event and invite them. If they don't come when it's you doing the inviting, that means that you don't fit in with this group for whatever reason. Just take a hint and look for a new group of friends. Edited November 23 by SurfCity Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted November 23 Share Posted November 23 (edited) The bar owner may consider you to be more of a friend to his ex than himself. Maybe he sensed she had some kind of crush on you, or just that your loyalties were more to her than to him. Either way, I'd explore other pubs or organizations to see if I might find a warmer group. This doesn't mean you can't pop in and out of the current place, but I'd manage my expectations of these people adopting you into their closed group. Yes, that hurts, but it may have less to do with you than you might think. Edited November 23 by Leihla_B Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author jondoe66 Posted November 24 Author Share Posted November 24 6 hours ago, Leihla_B said: The bar owner may consider you to be more of a friend to his ex than himself. Maybe he sensed she had some kind of crush on you, or just that your loyalties were more to her than to him. Either way, I'd explore other pubs or organizations to see if I might find a warmer group. This doesn't mean you can't pop in and out of the current place, but I'd manage my expectations of these people adopting you into their closed group. Yes, that hurts, but it may have less to do with you than you might think. I mean she's in Her 50s I'm in my 30s but ya I am leaning towards stepping back from the group Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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