lemonicetea Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 (Sorry if this is the wrong place. Please move if necessary) A few years ago (before the pandemic) I was on OKCupid and I started talking to a guy. He seemed nice enough and we made plans to meet at a restaurant the following Friday (this was a Saturday or Sunday). A day or two later he texts me asking if I wanted him to pick me up from work or my house on Friday (just for the record I never gave him my home address or workplace). I declined his offer for a ride and told him I had my own car. He then started to come back with excuse after excuse on why he needs to be doing the driving. He’s telling me it’s the gentlemanly thing to do, he’s telling me that parking is going to be tight, he’s telling me it’s just easier to take one car. Each time I kept telling him no. Eventually he dropped it. This honestly bothered me but I chalked it up to being socially awkward, so I was still willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. The next day I was talking on the phone to him. We started talking about local tourist attractions we like. He mentioned how he likes a beach that’s about an hour’s drive from where we were. I told him I have never been there and he was like “What?! No way! I got to take you there one of these days. Hey I know let’s go Friday night instead going to the restaurant and watch the sunset.” I told him I wasn’t interested because I am not going to feel like driving that far after work. He told me that didn’t matter because he’ll be doing the driving. I told him no, and after arguing for god knows how long about it he finally goes “Okay, first date we re going to the restaurant you wanted, second date we’re going to the beach.” At that point I had enough and hung up. I was debating on whether or not I should still meet the guy when he texts me asking me if I had premature menopause because I’m acting like I’m not interested in having sex with him. I told him to never contact me again and blocked his number. Obviously this was a disturbing incident for me and I told my mom (although I did leave out the menopause stuff). She told me that even though I handled it well she’s sure it was all innocent. She said that he probably was just like me in that he was lonely and excited to meet somebody new. She also told me that she was proud of me for not getting into his car. She didn’t say it in a “yeah you go girl!” way, but in a way that she was legitimately surprised that I knew what stranger danger was (I was 29 at the time). Needless to say this incident caused a rift between my mom and I but that’s another subject for another day. Anyways, this story still bothers me. Do you think it was truly innocent? Do you think he was attempting to kidnap me? Thoughts? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 3 minutes ago, lemonicetea said: Do you think it was truly innocent? Do you think he was attempting to kidnap me? Thoughts? I don’t think he was attempting to kidnap you, he was just acting like a jerk. I don’t know what “innocent” means in this context. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 3 minutes ago, lemonicetea said: She told me that even though I handled it well she’s sure it was all innocent. She said that he probably was just like me in that he was lonely and excited to meet somebody new. Ah, Mom. Sweet, but off the mark. This guy was flat-out pushy. Maybe he was excited but he was disrespectful of your boundary. That was not a good sign. I would have been turned off too. Then he dialed it up a notch with the menopause comment. Boy, bye. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 1 minute ago, lemonicetea said: Anyways, this story still bothers me. Do you think it was truly innocent? Do you think he was attempting to kidnap me? Thoughts? It just sounds too insistent and manipulative to have been innocent. Any man worth dating at all is well aware and can appreciate that a woman needs to feel safe. Getting into a car with a total stranger is not safe, and insisting that she do so is creepy and stupid at best, and beyond dangerous at worst. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 I also forgot to mention that he showed his cards when he insulted you for not wanting sex with him. He just stated his motive right there. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Georgia46 Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 I feel like he wanted to get you in his car for some reason. But obviously you know better than to go in a car with a person you’ve never met before. creepy vibes and big red flags 🚩 you did the right thing Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 (edited) You go girl !! You did the right thing! He was controlling and creepy. He had no thought for what you wanted, no thought about you feeling safe or not. He just wanted what he wanted. People you meet online are strangers. You do not, l repeat, you do not give benefit of the doubt to a stranger you never met! His sex comment confirms what he was after. Edited September 29 by Gaeta 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted September 30 Share Posted September 30 23 hours ago, Gaeta said: His sex comment confirms what he was after. So glad you caught this. We can't speculate on kidnapping or rape, but he made it clear that dating was not the goal--he wanted 'drive-by' sex. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted September 30 Share Posted September 30 (edited) This guy did not respect your boundaries and thought that no means yes lol. You did the right thing blocking him. Internalise the dialogue you are having about this memory differently, because saying "No" is powerful. By saying no you are drawing a line and not letting anyone cross your boundaries. He's pushy. Edited September 30 by Goodguy05 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted September 30 Share Posted September 30 On 9/29/2024 at 1:30 PM, lemonicetea said: I told my mom (although I did leave out the menopause stuff). She told me that even though I handled it well she’s sure it was all innocent. Your mom gave you REALLY bad advice here. There's no reason to assume this guy was "innocent". This guy was a total stranger who was weirdly insistent on you getting into his car on the first meeting. This guy could have been a murderer. You were smart not to meet him. Never doubt your insincts. 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 1 Share Posted October 1 You know how sometimes in the night you wake up and think about terrible decisions you made in the past and how things could have gone really bad? Thankfully, this is not one of them! You dodged a bullet 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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