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Is my partner betraying my trust?


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So recently I discovered that my partner has been talking relatively frequently with someone she has never met. They came into contact via a group that meet at music festivals but haven't met in person. 

There are messages saying how much they look forward to meeting each other, that it's a shame they haven't met at previous opportunities, wishing each other good night, he's complementing her appearance etc.

I personally feel like this is a betrayal of my trust and isn't something I would personally do with someone from the opposite sex. Am I in the wrong completely or am I entitled to feel this way? 

Thanks 

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41 minutes ago, jc13 said:

...wishing each other good night, he's complementing her appearance etc.

Yeah, that's sucky. I know of married people who've connected with pen-pal type buddies over shared interests, but their marital lines are clear and respected. However, regular goodnights and compliments on appearance are too intimate and cross those lines.

How did you discover this?

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1 hour ago, jc13 said:

 

There are messages saying how much they look forward to meeting each other, that it's a shame they haven't met at previous opportunities, wishing each other good night, he's complementing her appearance etc.

That is an emotional affair. Yes she is betraying your trust and your relationship. This is a nobody, l would tell her this ends immediately and it's an ultimatum.

On a side note, women have emotional affairs when the connection with their man is broken. To save this relationship you will both have to make some changes.

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If it’s just polite, friendly conversation I don’t think it’s a big deal.

How often is “relatively frequently”? Do they wish each other good night every night or just occasionally?

How exactly did you discover that? Did you actually see the messages?

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How did you find out? Did she talk about this guy,  and what did she say? 

Or did you randomly find the messages ?

It sounds very strange but I’m curious what her explanation is… 

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Thanks for your replies. Unfortunately we have the unhealthy habit of checking each others social media occasionally, this time in particular having not seen each other for six weeks.

There was also a comment from the guy regarding topless sunbathing which I consider quite suggestive and personally feel should have been enough for her to call quits on the conversation.

She hasn't mentioned him previously. Basically he's part of a wider group who talk as a collective and this is a private conversation between them. She says it's not dissimilar how she speaks to the other components of the group both male and female. 

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51 minutes ago, jc13 said:

 She says it's not dissimilar how she speaks to the other components of the group both male and female. 

How long you've been together? Has she done similar things before?

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1 hour ago, jc13 said:

Thanks for your replies. Unfortunately we have the unhealthy habit of checking each others social media occasionally, this time in particular having not seen each other for six weeks.

I'm probably going to be the odd one out here, but IMO if he's just complimenting her on social media, that's not necessarily an issue. It obviously depends on context: "Looking good!" vs "Man you look so hot I wanna *** you in the ****". Just to be clear, the former I'd consider normal, the latter not....

I'm more concerned that you two haven't seen each other for 6 weeks. Why is that?

 

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3 hours ago, Els said:

probably going to be the odd one out here, but IMO if he's just complimenting her on social media

OP said these things are said in private conversations

 

4 hours ago, jc13 said:

and this is a private conversation between them

 

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6 hours ago, jc13 said:

There was also a comment from the guy regarding topless sunbathing

What comment, exactly? Did he suggest to her to go topless sunbathing together?

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Why haven't the two of you seen each other for six weeks?  Is this a one-off, or do you have limited time together in general?   I ask because it doesn't sound sustainable long term and I think it's worth making this part of the equation

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On 9/14/2024 at 8:49 AM, Gaeta said:

OP said these things are said in private conversations

 

 

My interpretation of the OP's post was that the topless sunbathing conversation was a private conversation and the compliments were on social media. He should definitely clarify though, because IMO we are getting almost no context here.

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jasonblackheart01

Your entitled to feel alarm. 

In relationship, you need both trust and loyalty to go on.

Nowadays, love is not enough for relationship.

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